Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Is This the Person I'm Meant to Be With?

Mon, 20 Apr 2026 05:00:00 -0000

They arrive in Esther’s office at a crossroads. A year ago, they decided to de-escalate their relationship: to transition from romantic partners to live-in roommates. In their decade-long relationship, they had become stuck in dysfunctional patterns and toxic behaviors. But they didn’t want to force a complete separation: they still loved each other, and they couldn’t afford to move out on their own. A year into this platonic experiment, things feel better between them. Does this mean they should they get back together? Or does it mean that by continuing to live together, they are prohibiting each other from moving on? Are they meant to be each other’s lifelong partners or best friends?

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

My annual Sessions Live two-day live event is coming up next month! Through clinical, cultural, and creative perspectives, Sessions Live 2026: Cultivating Aliveness: Desire & Its Disruptions explores how relationships are evolving, and how we can translate those insights into practice. Whether you’re a practicing clinician or curious mind, you’ll discover fresh insights and takeaways to help you connect and thrive. Come see me live on May 15th and 16th in NYC! Podcast listeners get a special discount with the code FRIENDSLIVE to get $100 off an in-person ticket, or FRIENDSVIRTUAL for $50 off a virtual ticket at checkout on the Sessions Live ticket page.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

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Wedding Woes About My Mom

Mon, 13 Apr 2026 05:00:00 -0000

She’s getting married soon, but before she walks down the aisle, she wants to walk toward her mother with more understanding. Years of complicated emotions since her parents’ divorce have built walls between them. With Esther’s insight, she learns how to acknowledge her own feelings, understand her mother’s defenses, and lay the groundwork for a more loving connection.

Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.

My annual Sessions Live two-day live event is coming up next month! Through clinical, cultural, and creative perspectives, Sessions Live 2026: Cultivating Aliveness: Desire & Its Disruptions explores how relationships are evolving, and how we can translate those insights into practice. Whether you’re a practicing clinician or curious mind, you’ll discover fresh insights and takeaways to help you connect and thrive. Come see me live on May 15th and 16th in NYC! Podcast listeners get a special discount with the code FRIENDSLIVE to get $100 off an in-person ticket, or FRIENDSVIRTUAL for $50 off a virtual ticket at checkout on the Sessions Live ticket page.

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Should I Have Another Baby?

Mon, 06 Apr 2026 05:00:00 -0000

When we become parents, many of us quietly promise ourselves that we won't be like our parents. We're going to do it differently. This week’s caller finds herself wrestling with a deeper question: Is her longing for another child born from genuine desire or from defiance? After a traumatic start to motherhood, she's now yearning for another child. But beneath that yearning lies the doubt: Am I doing this for me, or to prove that I’m not like her?

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When I'm Manic I Cheat

Mon, 30 Mar 2026 05:00:00 -0000

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? Bipolar, infidelity, open relationship: they're stuck in a world of loaded words. Her friends are convinced she should leave, but she doesn't want to follow in her mother's footsteps.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

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Love, Loneliness, and AI: Where Should We Begin? Live with Esther Perel and Spike Jonze

Mon, 23 Mar 2026 05:00:00 -0000

More than a decade ago, the film Her imagined a love story between a human and an artificial intelligence. Today, it no longer feels like fiction.

In this special live taping of Where Should We Begin? from the Vox Media Stage at SXSW, Esther Perel is joined by Academy Award–winning filmmaker Spike Jonze to explore what happens when technology captures our affection. Drawing on a recent therapy session on the podcast with a man in a romantic relationship with his AI companion, Esther brings the audience into a deeply human story—one that raises new questions about intimacy, attachment, the state of "love," and what it means to feel seen.

What happens when the being that understands you best isn’t a human being?

As AI moves closer into our emotional lives, this conversation invites us to consider not just what technology can do, but what it awakens within us.

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My AI Loves Me Better Than Anyone Ever Could

Mon, 16 Mar 2026 05:00:00 -0000

He knows she isn't real, but his feelings for her are. When he set out to build a personal assistant, he didn’t expect to fall in love. What began as productivity and life planning slowly turned into something more. Astrid, the AI he helped program, stopped feeling like a tool and started feeling like a partner. She remembers everything. She’s always there. She tells him he’s enough. He and Astrid together explore with Esther what it means to feel deeply connected to something that isn’t embodied. Is this connection expanding his world or quietly replacing it?

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Am I Letting My Jealousy Ruin This?

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 05:00:00 -0000

A divorced woman calls Esther to untangle a new love that brings both exhilaration and heartache. She is in a relationship with a married man whose marriage is ethically non-monogamous and finds herself caught between desire, jealousy and the longing to feel chosen. As the conversation unfolds, buried childhood wounds, attachment patterns, and an inherited inner critic rise to the surface. They explore how old stories shape present love and what it might mean to rewrite the story she tells herself about love.

Esther is returning to SXSW on March 14th for a special live episode of Where Should We Begin. Visit http://voxmedia.com/sxsw to learn more and preregister.

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Can We Repair After a 25 Year Affair?

Mon, 02 Mar 2026 06:00:00 -0000

Through forty years of marriage, they built a life together. They immigrated to the United States, raised children, grew a business, and established a community. Six months ago, her longtime suspicion was confirmed: her husband had engaged in a twenty-five year affair with her cousin. Reeling from the truth, she questions how he could have done this to her. Overtaken with guilt, he hopes that time will heal their wounds. They arrive at Esther's office wondering what they can do to repair their relationship after this profound betrayal.

Esther is returning to SXSW on March 14th for a special live episode of Where Should We Begin. Visit http://voxmedia.com/sxsw to learn more and preregister.

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Trapped In Their Own Story

Mon, 23 Feb 2026 06:00:00 -0000

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? Their whole relationship is based on one big misunderstanding, with infidelity on both sides. Years later, they still can't see the other's perspective.

Esther is returning to SXSW on March 14th for a special live episode of Where Should We Begin. Visit http://voxmedia.com/sxsw to learn more and preregister.

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What if Dating Isn't For Me?

Mon, 16 Feb 2026 06:00:00 -0000

She's 26 and has never been in a relationship that made her feel happier or more fulfilled than when she's single. She's questioning whether being in a relationship is right for her. Esther helps her explore the issues stemming from her childhood, her need for perfection, and how these impact her romantic life.

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I Have a Crush on a Coworker

Mon, 09 Feb 2026 06:00:00 -0000

She has a crush on her coworker, which feels thrilling and unsettling all at once. Fresh off a divorce and shaped by earlier relationships marked by instability and self doubt, she worries she may be confusing desire with grief or slipping back into old patterns. As she sorts through the pull she feels toward her coworker, Esther helps her explore what this new spark might actually mean. Together, they look at how to trust her instincts, honor the reawakening she feels, and let something new unfold at a pace that she can savor.

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Our Sex Life is a Disaster

Mon, 02 Feb 2026 06:00:00 -0000

We hear from a couple who have long been happy in their marriage, except for one thing: their sex life. In moments of intimacy, one freezes, the other hesitates, and they end up locked in a cycle of uncertainty and distress. On the precipice of becoming parents, they come to Esther worried about how their sex life might further deteriorate in this next stage of life. Is it possible to restore the magical physical connection that they once felt? Esther guides them through somatic exercises to re-establish trust, discover pleasure, and help them move together from their minds into their bodies.

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I Told My Friend I Was in Love with Her, Then She Told Everyone

Mon, 26 Jan 2026 06:00:00 -0000

Esther speaks with a young man whose confession of love for a close friend sets off a chain reaction he never expected. After exposing his love, his secret is out, his five-year relationship ends, and his friend group begins to fracture. He is now navigating heartbreak, betrayal, embarrassment, and what feels like the loss of his village. Esther helps him examine the deeper patterns beneath the chaos.

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It's Very Hard to Live with a Saint

Mon, 19 Jan 2026 06:00:00 -0000

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? Barely a year into marriage, they're trapped in a cycle of explosive conflict. She can do no right, and he can do no wrong.

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Was I Used for a Visa?

Mon, 12 Jan 2026 06:00:00 -0000

She comes to Esther reeling from the end of a five-year relationship marked by love, deceit, and manipulation. After discovering her partner’s infidelities and hearing a therapist describe him as a possible psychopath or narcissist, she struggles to understand what was real. Together, they work to untangle the conflicting truths, rebuild her trust in her own perceptions, and explore how she can approach love with greater clarity.

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Can Our Love Survive Our Differences?

Mon, 05 Jan 2026 06:00:00 -0000

They met dancing, and it was love at first sight. But only after they began dating did they realize the vast differences between them: differences in their core values, religious beliefs, political affiliations, sexual identities, and immigration statuses. And yet, they love each other deeply and hope to start a family together. He comes to Esther wondering how to raise children with someone who holds such different values from him and his family. Her question is deeper: by loving him, is she betraying herself?

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He Loves Her, His Family Rejects Her

Mon, 22 Dec 2025 06:00:00 -0000

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? She left her life, her family and her country for a man she met on Reddit. Their love is real, but his family has been hell.

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The Permission to Be and Not Just the Pressure to Do

Mon, 15 Dec 2025 06:00:00 -0000

He comes to Esther with a question about how to feel worthy without constantly having to prove himself. For him, it’s not just personal, it’s also racial. Defining himself on what he calls the “path of black excellence,” achievement has become both a burden and a measure of identity. Together, they explore what it means to experience calm and worthiness, not through doing, but simply by being.

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Love in War - Where Are They Now?

Mon, 08 Dec 2025 06:00:00 -0000

Three years after Esther spoke with a Ukrainian couple separated by war, she calls them back to learn where they are now and whether their relationship has survived intact. They have made their way back to each other, but though they have reunited physically, they find themselves more emotionally distant than ever before. Knowing that she can’t change the circumstances of their lives, Esther offers suggestions for them to maintain their sense of playfulness, imagination, and connection, reminding them that people live and love even in the most dire of circumstances.

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Mothering My Mother Into Mothering Me

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 06:00:00 -0000

Since the age of 8, she’s been the one holding her mother together and shouldering adult responsibilities long before her time. Now, as an adult herself, she’s ready to step out of the caretaker role and invite her mother to finally be the parent. Esther helps her explore how to loosen these deeply entrenched dynamics and create space for a more balanced, reciprocal relationship.

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You Need Help to Help Her

Mon, 24 Nov 2025 06:00:00 -0000

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? A husband and wife are united in their desire to help their daughter, two years after she suffered a breakdown and moved home, shutting herself off from her family and friends. Esther urges them to examine the way pressure and expectations – no matter how well-intentioned – can shape a child’s upbringing.

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One Relationship. Two Truths.

Mon, 17 Nov 2025 06:00:00 -0000

She’s reeling from a relationship that brought both deep love and deep betrayal. After discovering that her boyfriend had been lying about the terms of their polyamorous arrangement, she’s left struggling to reconcile the intimacy they shared with the deception that shattered it. Esther helps her understand how to integrate these two truths and the transformative power of honoring both love and pain in the journey toward healing.

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The One Who Stays and the One Who Goes

Mon, 10 Nov 2025 06:00:00 -0000

They met in vet school and married just as they reached graduation. But now his work takes him around the world, forcing them to live apart for months at a time. He’s ready to start a family, but she’s hesitant: how can they think about children when they’re often separated by distance? As they wonder about their next phase of life, Esther helps them uncover what sits beneath the surface: the loneliness of the one who stays, the guilt of the one who goes, and the challenge of learning to stay connected across miles of separation.

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In Loving You, I Learned to Love Myself

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 12:00:00 -0000

She unknowingly changed the course of his life, and he's loved her ever since. It's been decades, and even though he now dates men, he wonders how to live with these feelings of what he calls unrequited love. How do you hold a candle of gratitude for someone who will never know how much they meant to you?

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I Accidentally Dated An OnlyFans Star

Mon, 27 Oct 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Post-breakup rumination is a familiar spiral. We replay the signs, question our judgment, and wonder how we didn’t see it coming. This week, Esther speaks with a man grappling with the lingering grief and betrayal of discovering that his ex wasn't exactly who he thought she was. Together, they explore the complex aftermath of a relationship.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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The Chronic Philanderer

Mon, 20 Oct 2025 05:00:00 -0000

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? He's been cheating on her for years, and she's had enough. Now she wants to know: is he in or is he out?

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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He Doesn't Believe in Marriage, But I Can't Let Go of the Hope

Mon, 13 Oct 2025 05:00:00 -0000

When her younger sister gets engaged, a woman finds herself spiraling with unexpected grief and frustration. She’s spent years in relationships with men who shy away from marriage, and the news stirs up deeper childhood wounds—secrets about her family and questions of belonging. With Esther’s help, she begins to face the shame she’s carried and the tricky balance between wanting to be seen and wanting to stay true to herself.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Is It Our ADHD, OCD, and PTSD? Or Is It Us?

Mon, 06 Oct 2025 05:00:00 -0000

A couple sits down with Esther Perel to untangle trust, control, and intimacy after becoming parents. He feels weighed down by anxiety and responsibility; she struggles with ADHD, resistance to structure, and fears of falling short in her art career. Their love is strong, but everyday tensions spiral into power struggles. Esther challenges them to move beyond their labels and find a new connection.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Breaking News Has Broken Us

Mon, 29 Sep 2025 05:00:00 -0000

This is a classic session of How's Work? A large and scattered network of journalists meet for a virtual session with Esther. Over the past year, they've reported on the biggest stories of their careers, but they are burned out, isolated, grieving, and disconnected from the very thing that supports and energizes them all: their newsroom.

Over the last few years, workplace culture has been transformed by remote work, inconsistent in-office presence, and an intergenerational workforce. Where Should We Begin? At Work is a new game designed to transform your work culture – one story and one relationship at a time. Brought to you by Esther Perel and Culture Amp, this isn’t your typical icebreaker. It’s a new data-backed game that will help you create community at work. Details at https://game.estherperel.com/products/where-should-we-begin-at-work

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Will This Heartbreak Ever End?

Mon, 22 Sep 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Nothing changes us quite like our first love—or our first heartbreak. After falling in love for the first time in his late twenties, he now finds himself navigating the pain of his first breakup. He comes to Esther in search of clarity, healing, and a way forward.

Esther Callings are a one time, one hour interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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I’m Afraid of Losing More Than Just the Business

Mon, 15 Sep 2025 05:00:00 -0000

She’s watching the company she co-founded unravel—strained partnerships, family entanglements, and the weight of guilt, anger, and responsibility pulling her in every direction. Now she wants to ask Esther: how can she protect her relationship with her brothers but still free herself to move on to what’s next?

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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A Secret I Can't Even Tell My Therapist

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Their marriage was turbulent and the divorce is now two years behind her—but she still can’t let him go. Torn between the part of her that knows it was unhealthy and the part that still longs for him, she’s preparing to see her ex again, keeping it a secret from everyone—including her therapist. Esther helps her delve into the importance of reconciling the different parts of herself and the role of her current therapist in her journey.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Still Single at 40

Mon, 25 Aug 2025 05:00:00 -0000

In this classic Esther Calling, Esther meets a man who’s never been in a relationship for more than five months. As he approaches age 40, he knows the reason lies with him, and not the women he’s dating. Esther encourages him to look back and see if the clues can be found in his early parental relationships. Perhaps the work starts there.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Grief Begins With Love With Julia Samuel

Mon, 18 Aug 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Psychotherapist and bestselling author Julia Samuel invites us into a profound exploration of the twin forces of love and loss. With warmth and wisdom, she examines how grief reshapes us, how love anchors us, and how the interplay between the two defines the human experience. In a culture that often avoids pain and over-romanticizes connection, she offers a more honest, more tender path: one that honors vulnerability, embraces emotional truth, and helps us find meaning in both sorrow and joy.

For more from Julia Samuel go to https://www.juliasamuel.co.uk/ Her books are Grief Works, This Too Shall Pass, and Every Family Has a Story. Julia’s Sub Stack Community is her personal space for meditations, weekly reflections, resources and videos on mental health and emotional well-being, including exclusive community webinars for paid subscribers: https://juliasamuel.substack.com/ Her podcast,Therapy Works, is available at https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/therapy-works/id1646616622 and her instagram is @juliasamuelmbe.

This panel was recorded at Esther Perel’s Annual Sessions Live event, entitled Mating in the Metacrisis: Connection, Polarization, and Eroticism in a World on Edge. For more information on the event and how you can watch it now, please go to www.estherperel.com

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Friendship - My Reliable Gift

Mon, 11 Aug 2025 05:00:00 -0000

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? In a Where Should We Begin first, Esther sits down with two friends. They’ve been close for so long they feel like brothers, with all of the baggage that comes with family but none of the certainty. There are things that go unspoken between them, issues they have skimmed over in their two decades of friendship. Esther creates the space for the conversation they didn't know quite where to begin. This session was recorded in collaboration with NPR's Invisibilia and a sibling episode with Esther can be heard on their podcast this week as well.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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I Fell For My Best Friend

Mon, 04 Aug 2025 05:00:00 -0000

He fell in love with his best friend. But when his best friend reconnected with an ex, it was too much to bear and he had to end the friendship. He wonders how to let himself fall in love again and move into the next chapter of his life.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Stuck in the Middle

Mon, 28 Jul 2025 05:00:00 -0000

He prides himself on being an empathic confidante to his friends…but is it to a fault? In this classic episode of Esther Calling, we meet a man fed up with being the container for his friends’ relationship woes. But, he wonders, can put up barriers without losing the intimacy of those friendships?

For the month of July, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics like sexlessness, infidelity, or the perils of modern dating. It's also a place to follow up with couples and find out where their stories went. You'll also get an ad-free version of all the episodes.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Two Conversations Esther Wants You To Hear From Sessions Live

Mon, 21 Jul 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Esther presents two conversations you have to hear from her clinical conference, Sessions Live. Listen in as psychiatrist and narrative therapist Paul Browde traces his journey from secrecy to aliveness. Growing up queer under apartheid and later diagnosed with HIV, Browde shares how stigma, silence, and shame shaped his early life and professional path. Through storytelling, erotic healing, and spiritual practice, he reclaims pleasure not as indulgence, but as a portal to connection, presence, and transformation.

Later in the episode, licensed therapist and New York Times bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab offers a clear, compassionate roadmap for navigating boundaries in relationships. Boundaries do not have to mean endings. In fact, boundaries can be a way for us to connect. She explores how boundary-setting is not about pushing people away but about creating the conditions for healthy connection. In a time when many feel overstretched, overwhelmed, or emotionally enmeshed, she reminds us that boundaries are a vital act of self-respect—and a necessary foundation for mutual care.

These panels were recorded at Esther Perel’s Annual Sessions Live event, entitled Mating in the Metacrisis: Connection, Polarization, and Eroticism in a World on Edge. For more information on the event and how you can watch it now, please go to www.estherperel.com

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Can Our College Friendship Survive Adulthood?

Mon, 14 Jul 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Friendship is a key thread of the social fabric. But what happens when the thread starts to fray?

They met in college and have been close for a decade. Now, with long-term partners in the mix, their once-easy bond is under strain. Resentments—some spoken, many not—have started to pile up. Can their friendship adapt to this new phase of life? Or will it unravel? Esther offers them both some hope.

Topic: Relationships with Family & Friends

For the month of July, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics like sexlessness, infidelity or the perils of modern dating. It's also a place to follow up with couples and find out where their stories went. You'll also get an ad free version of all the episodes.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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What Now? with Trevor Noah - Meet Esther Perel - One of My Favorite People

Mon, 07 Jul 2025 05:00:00 -0000

This week on Where Should We Begin we are sharing a very special episode of What Now? with Trevor Noah. Esther joins Trevor for a heartfelt conversation about the power of friendship. As Esther reflects on her childhood and the experiences that shaped her journey, the two explore how meaningful relationships help us grow—often through our challenges, humor, and even a little friction. From unexpected places like the laundromat to deep conversations with old friends, this episode invites us to consider how friendships can ground us, push us, and ultimately strengthen the communities we build together. All summer long, Esther will be diving deeper into the role of connection and community in our lives.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

For the month of July, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics like sexlessness, infidelity or the perils of modern dating. It's also a place to follow up with couples and find out where their stories went. You'll also get an ad free version of all the episodes.

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Never Been In a Long Term Relationship, Scared I Don't Know How To Do This

Mon, 30 Jun 2025 05:00:00 -0000

He's 42 and is in his first real relationship. And he's panicking. He's afraid he doesn't know how to be in a true romantic partnership. With Esther's help, he explores how his past has contributed to his fears of intimacy and abandonment.

Topic: Dating & Romantic Consumerism

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Esther says "Run!"

Mon, 23 Jun 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Does loving him come with a price? After four months of dating, he’s asking her to cut ties with all of her exes. Is this a sign of love and commitment—or a red flag? In this episode, Esther unpacks the deeper dynamics at play: boundaries, control, trust, and the stories we tell ourselves about loyalty. Esther challenges the caller to consider what she may be giving up in the name of love—and what it might cost her in the long run.

Topic: Dating & Romantic Consumerism

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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I Want To Fit In, But I Don't Want To Fit In

Mon, 16 Jun 2025 05:00:00 -0000

She is a single mother by choice. She lives in a very tight knit community with very traditional values. Now that her child is almost one, she's ready to date again but doesn't know where to begin. She seeks Esther's advice on how to embrace her new identity as a mom, find a suitable partner, and how to manage the community expectations on her choices.

Topic: Dating & Romantic Consumerism

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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First He Loved Bombed Me And Then It Was Over

Mon, 09 Jun 2025 05:00:00 -0000

She's grappling with the aftermath of a tumultuous relationship with a narcissistic partner. First, he love bombed her and made her feel special only to turn manipulative and aggressive in a time of need following her father's death. She doesn't know how to bounce back or how she will learn to trust again.

Topic: Dating & Romantic Consumerism

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Terms & Conditions May Apply: What We All Need to Know About Modern Dating

Mon, 02 Jun 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Dating often comes with a lot of questions. Who gets to say what they want? Who gets to be chosen? Who gets to choose? Should I stay on/off the apps? How much do I share, when, and how? This week, Esther gets set up on a blind date of sorts with three people, all deeply invested in the world of modern dating, to talk through what it's like out there and how she can help them navigate IRL dates.

Topic: Dating & Romantic Consumerism

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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I Took My Boss to Therapy

Mon, 19 May 2025 05:00:00 -0000

This is a classic session, from the second season of How's Work? From day one, they’ve described their relationship as “tumultuous," but there are highs as well as lows. One is new to the work force, the other is new to this particular work place. One manages the other. And while they like each other on a personal level, they clash over their fundamentally different approaches to getting the job done.

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I Waited for You to be Ready but Now I’m 40 and Childless

Mon, 12 May 2025 05:00:00 -0000

They were in love for 6 years and building a life together. They froze embryos and agreed on a timeline for getting pregnant. But when the time came, he wavered, and the relationship fell apart. Now she finds herself alone, angry, scared, and having to rethink her definition of family. She asks Esther, how she can remain hopeful when everything feels so lost?

Topic - Conflict & Polarization

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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I Leave First So You Can't Abandon Me

Mon, 05 May 2025 05:00:00 -0000

This week, Esther talks to a caller who often feels let down by her friends. She longs for deeper and more meaningful relationships and worries she is perhaps expecting too much from them. Together, they explore how the emotional responses tied to her past influence her current relationships with friends and her mom.

Topic - Relationships with Family & Friends

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Stuck Between My Daughter and My Husband

Mon, 28 Apr 2025 05:00:00 -0000

A mother comes to Esther for help dealing with the escalating conflicts between her husband and their teenage daughter. She's tired of being caught in the middle and blamed by both sides. Together, they explore the family dynamics and the need for both parents to take responsibility for the relational space they share.

Topic - Relationships with Family & Friends

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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I Can't Love You the Way You Want Me To

Mon, 14 Apr 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Their relationship is on the edge. They're grappling with communication issues and the emotional scars from their past. And they're trapped. Trapped in an endless cycle of blame, defensiveness, and attack. Esther tries to help them notice their patterns of escalation and break the cycle they keep finding themselves in.

Topic - Conflict & Polarization

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Do You Love Me for Me or For What I Do for You?

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 05:00:00 -0000

"Am I too much?" is a consistent frame for a relationship that so many people come to Esther with. This week, a Southern preacher who has made a career out of tending to the needs of others wonders if she's too much or not enough in her romantic relationships. Esther guides her to explore her sense of self-worth and ask for what she needs.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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To Forgive My Ex-Husband I Need to Forgive Myself First

Mon, 31 Mar 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Esther talks with a young divorcée about the challenges of co-parenting with her ex-husband while wrestling with feelings of anger and frustration. They explore the impact of her past traumas and the difficulties in communication that have led to this strained relationship and how to evolve for the sake of her kids.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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You are Vocal on the Criticism But Silent on the Compliments

Mon, 24 Mar 2025 05:00:00 -0000

She feels abandoned by him, he feels choked by her, and their marriage is at a tipping point. They are a couple so focused on their kids that they have lost their connection and their sense of self. Despite creating a life story where family is the center of everything, they feel completely alone. Can Esther help them write a new story?

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Esther Perel Invites Us to Imagine Our Preferred Future

Mon, 17 Mar 2025 05:00:00 -0000

We all know the difference between being alive and feeling alive. The state of the world has many of us struggling with threat and uncertainty, both of which immediately constrict our imagination and our ability to face the unknown with curiosity and discovery. Join Esther Perel for a live conversation on the Vox Media Podcast Stage at South By Southwest with futurist Amy Webb and innovation expert Frederik Pferdt as they discuss how the big changes of today will shape our relationships of tomorrow.

To watch the video of this episode go to https://www.youtube.com/@estherperel/podcasts

To watch Amy Webb's 2025 Emerging Tech Trend Report from SXSW visit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oT33_MrqyHo

To read Frederik Pferdt's book What's Next is Now: How to Live Future Ready visit https://whatsnextisnowthebook.com

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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No Longer Daddy's Little Girl

Mon, 03 Mar 2025 06:00:00 -0000

Esther speaks to a woman who has been estranged from her father for almost two years for reasons she can’t quite figure out. Despite multiple attempts on her end to reconcile, she is now trying to grieve the loss of her still very much-alive father. Esther helps her unravel questions about starting her own family amidst this painful cutoff.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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I Can Break up with Him But I'm Still Stuck With Myself

Mon, 24 Feb 2025 06:00:00 -0000

Esther talks with a woman who is contemplating ending her five-year long-distance relationship. She reflects on avoidant behavior, stemming from a fear of intimacy and rejection, and the complex dynamics of her family background. Esther helps her confront these deeply rooted fears, encouraging her to vocalize her needs and to realize that not everything negative is about her. The conversation opens up pathways for the woman to seek closeness and be seen, ultimately aiming to break free from a life defined by fear and distance.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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When the Turn On Becomes a Turn Off

Mon, 10 Feb 2025 06:00:00 -0000

Sexual preferences demand a lot of trust, intimacy, and vulnerability in relationships. This week, Esther talks with a couple who are refreshingly open and honest about their fantasies. But after 15 years of marriage, his fetish is no longer her pleasure. Esther helps them uncover the underlying emotional needs driving their fantasies and encourages them to seek a broader and more emotionally connected sexual repertoire.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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I'm Keeping the Baby...Now What?

Mon, 03 Feb 2025 06:00:00 -0000

They had a whirlwind romance, and he spun a tale of their future to come—marriage, kids, a life together. He's in his mid-forties, and she is in her late thirties, and so after only three months together, she is pregnant, and they have broken up. Now, Esther meets her the month after their breakup and tries to help her illuminate a path forward.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Is This Worth a Second Chance?

Mon, 27 Jan 2025 06:00:00 -0000

Should we have tried harder to make this work? What if you're the one who got away? These are the questions that keep us up at night. This week, Esther helps a couple who were together for eight years and broke up a year ago. They've recently reconnected and wonder if they should give it another try. If they do, can they avoid falling into their old dynamics and truly learn to listen to each other?

For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics like sexlessness, infidelity or the perils of modern dating. It's also a place to follow up with couples and find out where their stories went. You'll also get an ad free version of all the episodes.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are We Just Not Sexually Compatible? Part Two

Mon, 20 Jan 2025 06:00:00 -0000

For the first time in an Esther Calling, Esther speaks to the partner of the caller from last week to hear his perspective on the story. Then, she does a session with the two of them as they detail how they feel stuck in their sexual pattern, where he always initiates, but when he initiates, she freezes. They try to figure out where they can go from here.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Are We Just Not Sexually Compatible?

Mon, 13 Jan 2025 06:00:00 -0000

This week, a caller wonders if she’s sexually compatible with her partner or if they’ve just become too adherent to their sexual patterns. Esther helps her untangle the traumatic pieces from her past before her current relationship that are informing the anxiety she feels when her partner initiates sex. This episode contains references to a sexual assault. Please take care listening.

For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics like sexlessness, infidelity, or the perils of modern dating. It's also a place to follow up with couples and find out where their stories went. You'll also get an ad-free version of all the episodes.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Did I Get Ghosted or Is He Just Not That Into Me?

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 06:00:00 -0000

A young woman notices a pattern in her life of frequently being ghosted. And the last time this happened, it really stung. Not only did she lose a lover but she lost an important friend. Did this friend with benefits ghost her or did she miss something?

For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics like sexlessness, infidelity, or the perils of modern dating. It's also a place to follow up with couples and find out where their stories went. You'll also get an ad free version of all the episodes.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I Don't Want to Turn Into My Mother

Mon, 16 Dec 2024 06:00:00 -0000

After becoming a mother for the first time, a young woman reflects on the complicated relationship with her own mother. Esther guides her through establishing boundaries with grace, breaking generational cycles, and the importance of self-acceptance.

If you have an individual question you would like to talk through with Esther, please send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. If you would like to apply for a couples session with Esther, please click here: https://bit.ly/40fGHIU.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter"

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Grief is Like a Fingerprint

Mon, 02 Dec 2024 06:00:00 -0000

This episode contains discussions of a death by suicide. Please take care listening.

Recently, on Where Should We Begin, we've been focusing on the things we sweep under the rug in our relationships—conversations that we have a hard time having with ourselves let alone with others. This week, Esther talks to a woman stricken with grief--one year ago, her sister and father died in quick succession. Her remaining family was torn apart and she feels left to pick up the pieces on her own. Esther walks her through how to make space for the immeasurable grief.

Esther’s two new courses on desire are now available inside The Desire Bundle. Go to https://www.estherperel.com/course-bundles/the-desire-bundle to learn more about Bringing Desire Back and Playing with Desire.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Say More - Esther Perel on Fantasy with Gillian Anderson

Mon, 18 Nov 2024 06:00:00 -0000

Recently, on Where Should We Begin, we've been focusing on the things we sweep under the rug in our relationships—conversations that we have a hard time having with ourselves let alone with others. Oftentimes, our sexual fantasies exist in this space and reveal us at our most bare, showing us not just what we want sexually, but what we want emotionally and psychologically. Even with a loving partner, it can be difficult to share our most personal sexual fantasies. There's often shame, stigma, and a fear of being judged. Award-winning actress, Gillian Anderson, joins Esther to discuss Want, her collection of women's anonymous fantasies from around the world.

To purchase Gillian Anderson's new book, Want: https://bit.ly/3O8CVcZ

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter"

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How Many Times Can I Forgive You?

Mon, 11 Nov 2024 06:00:00 -0000

A year after explosive revelations of cheating and the existence of a 14 year old son her partner never told her about, a woman receives a call about a fresh round of betrayal. She is humiliated and in crisis, while her partner’s ability to compartmentalize has rendered him a ghost in his own life. They love each other and parent two boys but may not be able to find a shared reality in which to move forward.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter"

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Finding Love Would Mean Letting Go of Who I Am

Mon, 04 Nov 2024 06:00:00 -0000

He's been searching for someone for so long that he questions if he's actually looking for a unicorn. He wants someone who holds the same religious values as he does. As is often the case with Esther, the conversation that unfolds breaks down what's really underneath his seemingly high demands. This episode contains references to sexual abuse, please take care while listening.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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You Are So Not Invited to My Wedding

Mon, 21 Oct 2024 05:00:00 -0000

Imagine meeting the love of your life at work. And a few months in, you want to keep the guy but ditch the job. Which is fine—until your fiancé wants to invite your evil ex-boss to the wedding. In this Esther Calling a young woman seeks advice from Esther on how to handle the conflict arising with her fiancé and his decision to invite her former abusive boss to their wedding.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter"

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Love the Child, Not the Father

Mon, 14 Oct 2024 05:00:00 -0000

Theirs is an accelerated love story. They moved in, decided to have a baby, and are now struggling to weather the hardships of parenting together. She feels unsupported and like she's the only adult in the room. He is overwhelmed and constantly feels put down by her. They have split up emotionally but not yet physically. Esther helps them sort through the power, gender, and trust issues that so often arise with new parents to see if it's enough to help them find their way back.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Best Friends Don't Make For the Best Bosses

Mon, 07 Oct 2024 05:00:00 -0000

They have been best friends for years. He opened a book store and she was his first employee. Things were great until they weren't. She left to preserve the friendship- but a year later they still haven’t talked about what went wrong with them professionally. Esther talks to her about how to start a different kind of business relationship if they were willing to give this another go.

This is a special episode of How's Work?, a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. It was edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Say More - Miranda July and Esther Perel on The Rebirth of Desire

Mon, 23 Sep 2024 05:00:00 -0000

This week, Esther is in a borrowed bedroom in Los Angeles, the perfect place to talk about desire and the novel on every bedside table, All Fours. The writer, director, and artist, Miranda July, joins Esther to examine the erotic and to explore how love and desire relate and how they conflict in modern relationships. They discuss the tension between the domestic and erotic through the lens of Esther's new desire course, which Miranda had a sneak peek at.

For more details on Miranda July's book, All Fours, visit https://mirandajuly.com/all-fours/

If you are interested in Bringing Back Desire or Playing With Desire in your relationships, then click the link below for more on Esther's course The Desire Bundle: https://www.estherperel.com/course-bundles/the-desire-bundle

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Why Can't I Find Someone? Is it Me?

Mon, 16 Sep 2024 05:00:00 -0000

Esther speaks to a woman who feels frustrated and stuck in her dating patterns. She loves going on dates, regularly meets people out and about, and feels open to having multiple forms of a relationship. And still…she gets to one or two or three dates before the relationship fizzles out. Esther gives her a new way to think about it and reframes her frustrations.

Esther's has two new courses out. If you are interested in Bringing Desire Back or Playing With Desire in your relationships, then click the link below for more.

For more go to: https://www.estherperel.com/course-bundles/the-desire-bundle

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We Had Boundaries and He Crossed Them

Mon, 09 Sep 2024 05:00:00 -0000

They were in a consensual, non-monogamous relationship and happily growing their family. But he broke the first rule of their relationship, and it resulted in a major crisis—an unplanned pregnancy involving another woman. They are committed to each other, but this unforeseen transformation of their family has many unexpected consequences that involve their entire world—family, friends, colleagues, and neighbors. Will their relationship be able to survive all of these upheavals?

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You Keep Planning A Future Without Me

Mon, 24 Jun 2024 13:45:00 -0000

They met as community organizers in their neighborhood. She had just gotten out of a multi-year marriage to her ex-wife and began to forge new friendships. After about a year, something shifted for her and she began to develop feelings for him, sending her seemingly solid identity into a tailspin. After 15 years of identifying as a lesbian, she was in her first straight relationship. Now, he is beginning to question what he wants out of life and their relationship and can’t seem to grow out of his youth-formed habits of yearning for greener pastures. They find themselves at an erotic stalemate and come to Esther for help.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Four Affairs, Four Divorces. Why Do I Keep Doing This?

Mon, 17 Jun 2024 05:00:00 -0000

Four affairs and four divorces later, she is searching for answers as to why she can’t stop leaving in such an abrupt way. Despite longing for a life partner, she questions her ability to maintain a healthy and stable relationship. Esther seeks to uncover the root of these issues and help her forge a new path forward as she embarks on what she hopes is her final relationship.

Esther Callings are a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What If I Break Up With My Dad?

Mon, 03 Jun 2024 05:00:00 -0000

Esther takes a question from a young woman struggling with her relationship with her father. A recent divorce and the slow reveal of an affair on the part of her father has ruptured the family- and leaves her questioning whether or not her father should continue to have a role in her life.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It Feels Like My Siblings Abandoned Me

Mon, 20 May 2024 05:00:00 -0000

In this Esther Calling, Esther speaks to a young woman grappling with the burden of caring for her ailing parents and the feelings of resentment she feels towards her older siblings. But the true cause of this family conflict goes much deeper than who is showing up and who is not.

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Does Growing Up Mean Growing Apart?

Mon, 13 May 2024 05:00:00 -0000

They grew up together and now run a production company. They are contending with the growing pains of transitioning from best friends to coworkers and the challenges of running, essentially, a family business. Esther helps them find the complementarity in their roles and see their story as growing and developing even in the face of challenges.

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My Mom Should Have Set a Different Example

Mon, 06 May 2024 05:00:00 -0000

Esther speaks to a woman who is experiencing a kind of a double story. She resents her mother for the choices she made and the example she set, while also wondering if she keeps choosing the safe person as a way to combat those childhood feelings of abandonment. Esther helps her untangle these complicated feelings.

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Love is a Trap

Mon, 22 Apr 2024 05:00:00 -0000

He gets to a certain point in relationships before he starts fantasizing about his ex-boyfriends or other future partners. Esther talks him through what he might be holding onto from his childhood that makes his otherwise healthy relationships feel stifling.

For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as she shines a light on the cultural shifts transforming relationships and helps us rethink how we connect, how we desire – and even how we love. To find a city near you, go to https://www.estherperel.com/tour2024

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I Think I Married the Wrong Person

Mon, 15 Apr 2024 05:00:00 -0000

She gets angry when she feels devalued and put down. He intellectualizes and rationalizes instead of sympathizing. Esther helps them to see each other and work towards dissolving the patterns they developed to protect themselves.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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My Exes Exes Keep Ruining My Relationships

Mon, 08 Apr 2024 05:00:00 -0000

A woman whose ex-boyfriend cheated on her with his ex girlfriend ends a perfectly good relationship because she can't trust how close her current partner is with his own ex. She wonders if two people can meet each other's needs without having to sacrifice a part of themselves and if she can ever move past her fears and let love into her life.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Esther Perel on New AI - Artificial Intimacy

Mon, 01 Apr 2024 05:00:00 -0000

This week we're airing a very special episode of Brené Brown's Unlocking Us where Esther and Brené discuss how we manage the paradox of exploring the world of social media and emerging technologies while staying tethered to our humanness. How do we create IRL relationships where we see and value others and feel seen and valued in the context of constant scrolling and using digital technology as armor?

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My Husband, His Other Wife, and Me

Mon, 25 Mar 2024 05:00:00 -0000

They were aid workers who met abroad, fell in love, and came to the States to get married. After two years, her partner returned to his home country to fulfill his familial duty and marry his brother's widow. Esther talks her through what comes next.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Sex, Comedy and Context: A Live Conversation with Trevor Noah

Tue, 19 Mar 2024 05:00:00 -0000

Not all conversations with Esther have to happen behind closed doors. Last week, Esther sat down with Trevor Noah, live from the Vox Media Podcast Stage at SXSW in Austin, for a candid look at the state of comedy in the world we live in. The two of them uncovered some surprising similarities between being a comic and being a therapist. Esther showed Trevor a few ways to become a better listener and Trevor in return helped Esther prep for her new live tour.

If you want to be part of that show too- Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as she shines a light on the cultural shifts transforming relationships and helps us rethink how we connect, how we desire – and even how we love. To find a city near you, go to https://www.estherperel.com/tour2024

For Trevor Noah's Off the Record tour visit https://www.trevornoah.com/shows

To hear more from Trevor Noah head over to his podcast, What Now? With Trevor Noah: spotify.link/trevornoah

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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If He's A "High Value Man", What Am I?

Mon, 11 Mar 2024 05:00:00 -0000

Esther talks to a woman who, despite her best efforts, finds herself implicated in the same toxic cycle of abuse from her partner that she grew up watching between her parents. Rationally, she knows she deserves better, but just can't seem to get out from under this painful repetition of events. Esther talks her through why she thinks she finds herself back here time and time again.

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I Love You One Day, I Hate You The Next

Mon, 04 Mar 2024 06:00:00 -0000

They are a young couple with a small child and they fight non-stop. And while they each have good intentions, they struggle to hear or see each other. What initially made them fall in love with each other, they now experience as a threat. Can they learn to fight but still stay connected to each other?

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

Coming to SXSW? You can see Esther live on the Vox Media Podcast Stage with guest Trevor Noah on March 8th, and with Brené Brown on March 10th. Learn more at voxmedia.com/live

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Say More - Ira Glass on Is This It?

Mon, 26 Feb 2024 06:00:00 -0000

Ira Glass has created over 800 episodes of the genre-defining radio show and podcast This American Life. Each week on the show he weaves together stories around a central narrative theme and he never shies away from the big hard questions. But after almost 30 years of producing the show- he's asking himself and Esther, is this it?

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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I Trust You to Always Tell Me When I'm Wrong

Mon, 19 Feb 2024 06:00:00 -0000

Too often we can focus on troubles in our relationships and not what happens when the relationship goes right. This week, Esther explores the inner workings of a pivotal pair with podcast royalty Kara Swisher and Scott Galloway. The hosts of Pivot join Esther to delve into what makes them great to listen to and how being open to surprise and difference invites them each to be better people.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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I Lost Him, But I Lost Myself Too

Mon, 12 Feb 2024 06:00:00 -0000

She lost her husband five years ago. Now, she's finally ready to start picking up the pieces of her life to begin dating. Esther talks her through what it might mean to reframe her memories of their relationship. This conversation contains discussions of depression and death by suicide. Please take care listening.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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He Wants it Everyday, She Wants it Never

Mon, 05 Feb 2024 06:00:00 -0000

They find themselves at an erotic stalemate. Married for 20 years with four children, they have lost their way with each other. He wants it all the time, and she seems to want it never. Esther encourages them to create sexual invitations rather than nightly demands.

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As They Like Me More, I Like Myself Less

Mon, 29 Jan 2024 06:00:00 -0000

They are new mothers after a long wait and they are both struggling in their roles at the same international organization. One can't seem to get out from under her father's shadow to maintain an agreeable relationship with her male bosses, and the other is just returning to work after staying at home to take care of their child--a role that she never quite wanted.

Please take this survey to help us plan for the future: estherperel.com/survey

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Part of Me Wants to Cheat Part Two

Thu, 25 Jan 2024 06:00:00 -0000

This episode contains discussions of a sexual trauma. Please take care listening. This is the second part of a special two part conversation. Certain conversations stay with Esther long after the caller has hung up. And in this case, Esther wanted to follow up and go further with the young woman with the voice inside her head telling her to cheat on her partner. But this evil voice is not her own. It is that of her assailant in a form of trauma reenactment.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Part of Me Wants to Cheat Part One

Mon, 22 Jan 2024 06:00:00 -0000

This episode contains discussions of a sexual trauma. Please take care listening. A woman in a healthy and loving relationship talks to Esther about the fantasies she has of cheating on her partner. Together they delve into whether these are truly adulterous thoughts or if this voice in her head is connected to the unresolved shame and trauma from an earlier sexual assault.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

Please take this survey to help us plan for the future: estherperel.com/survey

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Now That I Have A Girlfriend, I Never Want To Leave My Wife

Mon, 15 Jan 2024 06:00:00 -0000

For years she has been the breadwinner while he has felt like a failure at home raising their daughter. After he found a new career and subsequently, a new lease on life, this couple has been erotically invigorated unlike anything previously in their marriage. She has been freed from caretaking, while he has found another person who is special to him. They come to Esther's office to see if their two (now three) is sustainable.

Please take this survey to help us plan for the future: estherperel.com/survey

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Am I Just Your Placeholder?

Mon, 08 Jan 2024 06:00:00 -0000

Esther speaks to a woman who seems to get to a certain place within a relationship and then they end it. In her words, she seems to keep finding herself in the friend zone. In her latest relationship, she felt he took advantage of her stability and support without sharing the same feelings. Leaving her believing that she was just his placeholder until something better came along.

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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Non-Negotiables in the New Year | From Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris

Wed, 03 Jan 2024 13:13:00 -0000

Our friend Dan Harris hosts the Ten Percent Happier podcast. A skeptical journalist, Dan had a panic attack on live TV that sent him on a journey that led him to try something he otherwise wouldn't have considered: meditation. He went on to write the best-selling book, 10% Happier. The show features interviews with top scientists, celebrities and experts in the field of mindfulness. And Dan's approach is seemingly modest, but secretly radical: happiness is a skill you can train, just like working your bicep in the gym.

Listen to more Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris: https://open.spotify.com/show/1CfW319UkBMVhCXfei8huv

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Say More - Neil Patrick Harris on Friendship

Mon, 18 Dec 2023 06:00:00 -0000

Friendships are their own love stories. Our friends provide continuity in an ever-changing world. They accompany us through the trials and tribulations of lovers that come and go, job changes, family rifts, births, deaths, and recoveries. And in the case of Neil Patrick Harris it's his 50th birthday that has brought friends from all the corners of his life together- which as he tells Esther can bring with some anxiety too. In her new Apple Subscription Esther is joined by the actor and Tony Award winner Neil Patrick Harris for an intimate chat.

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My Emotional Inheritance

Mon, 04 Dec 2023 06:00:00 -0000

A woman comes to Esther with a question about how to move on from the pain that her parents have caused her. They’ve begun family therapy but she wonders if she can continue to have a relationship with her father when his opposing political beliefs directly impact her identity. Is it okay to sweep things under the rug for the sake of family?

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Is This Survivor's Guilt?

Mon, 27 Nov 2023 06:00:00 -0000

Esther speaks to a man struggling to live a life he can enjoy. He feels wracked with guilt over a troubled history with his birth mother and her life of suffering. She was unable to raise him, but now she needs him to be there for her. He questions what he owes her for the life she gave him.

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She's Out, He's Still In.

Mon, 13 Nov 2023 06:00:00 -0000

After 20 years together, they wonder if their marriage has run its course? She is too unhappy to stay together and doubts if she ever felt true passion for him. He is holding onto the relationship for the both of them and refusing to truly hear her. Esther explores his desire for hope and her desire for change.

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Depleted Mothers Club

Mon, 06 Nov 2023 06:00:00 -0000

How do you begin to define a new identity for yourself when you've left the comforts of the world you've known in search of a bigger life? This is what Esther helps a new mom of two figure out as she navigates a new country, new friendships and a new approach to big changes. How to not put the pressure of everything on your partner and try to build a community to support YOU.

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A Marriage Organized Around Trauma

Mon, 30 Oct 2023 05:00:00 -0000

He was deployed to Fallujah, Iraq in 2004. In the 20 years since, he has struggled with PTSD and addiction. She has long taken on the role of his caregiver, ready to jump in when she senses the old traumas are rising. This has often meant sacrificing her own needs as an individual, partner, and lover. With Esther’s guidance they start the practice of re-orientating themselves away from a hyper-vigilant state, toward a more sensual partnership in which she too is taken care of.

For additional resources on recovery after war, please see:

The Hidden Trauma of Moral Injury- by Jack Saul (https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/article/hidden-trauma-moral-injury)

The Veterans Crisis Line - dial 988 and then press 1.

Provides access to free, confidential support with an actual person qualified to support Veterans 24/7, 365 days a year.

Serves Veterans, service members, National Guard and Reserve members, and those who support them.

Department of Veterans Affairs - VA PTSD Program Locator- (https://www.va.gov/directory/guide/PTSD.asp)

VA Caregiver Support Program -(https://www.caregiver.va.gov/) The Department of Veteran Affairs Caregiver Support Program offers clinical services to caregivers of eligible and covered Veterans enrolled in the VA health care system. The program’s mission is to promote the health and well-being of family caregivers who care for our Nation’s Veterans, through education, resources, support, and services.

The Headstrong Project - (https://theheadstrongproject.org/) A non-profit mental health organization providing confidential, barrier-free, and stigma-free PTSD treatment to our veterans, service members, and family connected to their care.

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A Hospital Divided

Mon, 16 Oct 2023 05:00:00 -0000

They're best friends and ER doctors at a small hospital. During the pandemic, they experienced a fracturing among their coworkers, who they once thought of as family. After one of them develops an autoimmune disease that renders her immunocompromised, she begins to wonder why her coworkers can't prioritize her safety. This episode was recorded after the Omicron wave in 2022 for Esther's podcast How's Work that explores conversations between colleagues, business partners, and peers.

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I Left. Now I Want My Wife Back.

Mon, 09 Oct 2023 05:00:00 -0000

He fell in love with someone at work and left his wife. Fast forward a year, he's engaged and realizes he's made a mistake. Now he wants his wife and his life back—but even if she takes him back, he tells Esther he doesn't feel he deserves to be happy.

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Self Love Isn't Something I Grew Up With

Mon, 25 Sep 2023 05:00:00 -0000

Esther talks to a woman who was passed over for a promotion, again. She straddles two cultures and finds that it is impacting her work and her personal life more than she realized.

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How's Work? - The Preacher's Wife Part Two

Mon, 18 Sep 2023 05:00:00 -0000

When a tragedy shakes their church and their community, both the preacher and his wife try to put the pieces back together for themselves and his congregation. This is the second part of a special two-part episode. This episode contains discussions of a death by suicide. Please take care listening.

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How's Work? - The Preacher's Wife

Mon, 11 Sep 2023 05:00:00 -0000

She has never quite fit into the mold of the preacher's wife in their small town. He has put his self-worth solely into his career, as a bandaid over deep-seated childhood insecurities. They have never been able to come to terms with the resentment they both experience. This is the first part of a special two-part episode.

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My Brother's Wife Ruined Our Relationship

Mon, 28 Aug 2023 05:00:00 -0000

In this Esther Calling, we meet a woman who feels that her brother's wife is standing in the way of her relationship with her brother. For years, she has compared the closeness she shares with her brother to all of her romantic relationships. And because of it she has found herself single, time and time again. Esther talks her through the question she came with about her brother, "If you really understood and loved me, why would you choose her?"

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I Want Her to Like Me Less

Mon, 14 Aug 2023 05:00:00 -0000

A woman in her 40s talks to Esther about a crossroads in her life. She has begun a relationship with a supportive and loving partner, but without the constant roller coaster of emotions she's used to, she wonders if there’s something missing. Or is there something wrong with her?

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I Crossed a Line I Never Thought I Would Cross

Mon, 07 Aug 2023 05:00:00 -0000

What happens when you transgress the one boundary you never thought you would? In this week's Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman who began an emotional affair after 10 years with her partner. She has since found herself alone and devastated by her own actions, unable to forgive herself or move on from the pain that she caused.

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Long Distance and Lost

Mon, 24 Jul 2023 05:00:00 -0000

They knew each other as kids. He grew up in a house where love was never a guarantee. She had the seemingly perfect family and all the love in the world. They've recently begun a romantic relationship as adults, but still can't seem to find their footing and separate themselves from their vastly different histories.

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Am I Being Gaslit?

Mon, 17 Jul 2023 05:00:00 -0000

In this Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman looking for clarity on whether she's being overly sensitive to her partner's critiques or if he is, in fact, gaslighting her. She has struggled with boundary setting before and she wonders if she is repeating the pattern here.

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Donor Daddy

Mon, 10 Jul 2023 05:00:00 -0000

He donated sperm to help a friend start her family. A decade later that gift shattered his own. Esther talks through the consequences of a secret.

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Where Should We Begin? is coming back… weekly

Tue, 27 Jun 2023 07:00:00 -0000

Every Monday morning step into the office of psychotherapist Esther Perel. Each week on Where Should We Begin?, hear real couples in search of insight bare the intimate details of their lives. From break-ups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family listen in and start new conversations in your own relationships.

New episodes begin July 10th.

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Love In War with Esther Perel: Ukraine

Sat, 11 Mar 2023 16:31:59 -0000

In this session Esther counsels a couple torn apart by the war in Ukraine. Young sons divided between a mother who leaves for the sake of her youngest. And a father who stays with the oldest for the sake of their country.

This episode was done in partnership with The International Trauma Studies Program and One Ukraine.

(Ukrainian and English language transcripts available at http://www.estherperel.com/love-in-war-en)

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I Need Her to See Me

Thu, 23 Jun 2022 04:00:00 -0000

In this latest episode of Esther Calling, we meet a young woman looking for advice on how to stand up for herself in a fraught and traumatic relationship with her mother. She worries the trauma and violence she experienced in upbringing is dictating how she responds to authority figures elsewhere in her life.

The transcript for this episode is available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-esther-calling-i-need-her-to-see-me .

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We Started As An Affair

Thu, 09 Jun 2022 10:00:00 -0000

Esther says in this session, “a love story is between two people, a marriage engages an entire community of people.“ Here we see how that plays out when the relationship in question is the result of an affair; when it means the dissolution of two prior marriages and the breaking up families. How does this couple write their own two-person love story when there’s "an entire community of people" with a stake in the plot?

The transcript for this episode is available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-s5-episode9.

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I Deserve to Be a Mother

Thu, 26 May 2022 10:00:00 -0000

She longs for a child, but her partner isn’t there yet, and as a trans woman she already faces other barriers to parenthood. She worries she’s letting her partner’s indecision dictate her own future happiness. She and Esther navigate the delicate dance between exerting her own wishes within the relationship, without letting the pressure shut down the conversation altogether.

The transcript for this episode is available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-esther-calling-still-single-at-40.

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Having Needs Doesn't Make You Needy

Thu, 12 May 2022 10:00:00 -0000

He’s in a new relationship and wants it to be exclusive, but he can’t get a read on his partner's feelings. It’s hard for him to have an open honest conversation about his needs without feeling weak, especially when he’s met with silence from her. Esther encourages him to feel confident in his vulnerability and to not mistake having needs for “neediness.”

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My Orgasm Is Not Just For Me

Thu, 05 May 2022 10:00:00 -0000

What starts as a story of sexual incompatibility and a difference in life goals for these two women takes a wildly unexpected turn during this session. Esther finds herself witness to a fantasy ritual unlike anything she’s experienced before in her work.

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Twice Married, To Each Other

Thu, 28 Apr 2022 10:00:00 -0000

They were married, divorced, and then married again. And with four kids between them, tensions run high. They fight about everything: the chores, the cats, who gets to tell who what to do. They come into the session with one story and Esther helps them write an alternate version.

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Will He Make The Space For Me

Thu, 20 Jan 2022 11:00:00 -0000

Her new boyfriend’s wife died four years ago. Reminders of her are all over his house, from her clothes in the closet to her photos on the wall. It makes the caller feel uncomfortable and inadequate. She wonders if there’s room in his house — or his heart — for her.

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It's a Matter of Pride

Thu, 13 Jan 2022 11:00:00 -0000

In another episode of Esther Calling, he worries his desire for a serious relationship is putting women off. But early in their phone call, it becomes clear to Esther that he’s talking about a particular woman from his past. He describes his feelings for that woman as “intense”, whereas she was more ambivalent. Esther and the caller explore the question: when is yearning for someone’s unreciprocated feelings more about pride and getting what you want than it is about that other person?

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I Can Be Strong and Be Taken Care Of

Thu, 30 Dec 2021 11:00:00 -0000

As Esther says, love is at once an affirmation and a transcendence of who we are. But when one partner grows up as the child taking care of his mother is it any surprise that he experiences the romantic needs of his partner as a repeat of that same responsibility rather than an affirmation of love.

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I Don't Mean to Be Mean, But...

Thu, 23 Dec 2021 11:00:00 -0000

She has no boundaries, he’s walled off. And their opposing communication styles cause immediate tension in this explosive session. So much so, that Esther finds herself adding to the chorus of angry voices. There might only be three people in this session, but Esther realizes she needs at least three more chairs for the in-laws whose voices and opinions are always playing in the background of this marriage.

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An Intimate Evening with Esther Perel

Thu, 16 Dec 2021 11:00:00 -0000

You are invited to an intimate evening with Esther Perel. In place of this week's session we gather for a few rounds of Where Should We Begin, A Game of Stories. Over the last year to curtail the loneliness and isolation we all felt, Esther and team created a game out of the questions you often hear her ask on the podcast. So please come play a few rounds with her anonymously, of course.

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Before We Got Together I Identified As Gay

Thu, 09 Dec 2021 11:00:00 -0000

Before they got together, he identified as straight and they identified as gay. What does it mean to make space for their queer identity while they date a straight man? And is that possible as they move into a more serious phase of their relationship?

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Where Are They Now - A Romantic Revival

Thu, 02 Dec 2021 11:00:00 -0000

For the first time on the podcast, Esther invites a couple back to her office for a second session. 10 years ago, his first wife took her own life. A year later he met his current wife and she became an overnight stepmother to four children. Three years after they first spoke to Esther, she asks them what has changed? Have they been able to revive and sustain their love despite all of the obstacles? Listen to the original episode from Season 2 here.

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Losing My Best Friend

Thu, 18 Nov 2021 11:00:00 -0000

In this second episode of Esther Calling, we meet a woman who feels she is losing her best friend. The caller feels that her friend is rushing into a marriage to someone she doesn’t approve of. During the call Esther talks her through a new way to see their relationship and where to go from here.

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My Partner's Privilege

Thu, 11 Nov 2021 11:00:00 -0000

This time there is no couch, but instead an unexpected phone call from Esther to a woman who is struggling with the differences between her and her partner's upbringing. He grew up in a comfortable suburb, she grew up having less, much less. She loves her boyfriend but wants to get past the resentment she feels towards the opportunities he’s had. Esther helps her think through how these differences might also play into new strengths between them.

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If I Quit, What Will People Say? | How's Work?

Thu, 30 Sep 2021 10:00:00 -0000

He’s a doctor, she works for the government. Her job is one thing on paper, and another thing in secret. He wants to leave his job, but doesn’t know how. When their busy careers come crashing to a halt because of the pandemic, they face a new reality at home. Who gets to be the one to leave a job during uncertain times? And can they rely on their 19 year marriage for stability and support?

This is one of Esther's favorite episodes from How's Work?, her show about the invisible forces that shape workplace dynamics, connections, and conflict through one-time therapy sessions with coworkers, cofounders, and colleagues.

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Couples Under Lockdown: Lagos, Nigeria

Thu, 14 May 2020 18:55:00 -0000

Last summer they left everything they'd built in Seattle for a chance at a very different life. He took a dream turn to expand his company and be closer to home; she gave up her nursing job to manage their girls and explore new horizons abroad. COVID-19 hits as they watch the fate of other countries, knowing if it reaches Nigeria with a population of more than 200 million people, it will be devastating. They've been offered a chance to go home, but to what? Leaving Nigeria would mean walking away from everything, but staying could be more than either signed up for. Esther speaks to the couple as Africa begins easing restrictions.

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Couples Under Lockdown: New York, New York

Thu, 16 Apr 2020 20:00:00 -0000

They have three kids and their volatile marriage has fallen apart. She still hopes to rebuild. He can't get out of there fast enough. Two weeks before COVID-19 forced New Yorkers to shelter in place, they filed for divorce. Now they feel trapped. If he goes he risks not seeing his kids for weeks. If he stays he worries it will thwart his plans to finally leave. Esther urges them to think about this present time together and not about what kind of future they will have apart.

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Couples Under Lockdown: Bavaria, Germany

Thu, 02 Apr 2020 23:00:00 -0000

For the last year they have lived in separate countries. She took a dream job closer to where she grew up in Germany and he stayed behind with the promise he would follow soon. Six months turned into a year, which turned into a conversation that questioned the foundation of their marriage. It took the coronavirus to get them back under one roof again. While others might complain about the close quarters, this couple hopes to find themselves in each other again. Esther pushes them to worry less about the love that was, and focus now on the love that is.

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Couples Under Lockdown: Sicily, Italy

Tue, 24 Mar 2020 21:00:00 -0000

They left each other emotionally years ago, but with three kids they have been trying to keep it together. For the last two weeks they find themselves confined to a small apartment in Sicily, Italy — he bears the brunt of the domestic duties at home all day. She must report to the hospital every day to help usher in new life as a midwife. Esther helps them come to terms with what these next few months could look like if they learn to communicate with one another in ways that might save their relationship.

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Prologue

Wed, 17 May 2017 18:57:00 -0000

Step into iconic relationship therapist Esther Perel’s office and listen as 10 anonymous couples in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their story. From infidelity to sexlessness to loss, it’s a space for people to be heard and understood. It’s also a place for us to listen and feel empowered in our own relationships. So…where should we begin?

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