Your best ally and most reliable resource is you. Practicing self-awareness puts you in touch with that truth.

Self-motivation

What IS self-motivation? It is finding your own inner resources to motivate yourself to do things.

Self-motivation is not selfish. Putting yourself first is NOT selfish. Selfishness only occurs when an action you perform wantonly denies somebody abundance and prosperity.

Self-motivation is making a way to do something. Consciousness creates reality. EVERYTHING in the universe falls into this.

Self-talk

What is self-talk? When you get inside your own head and look at your thoughts and feelings, often you create an internal dialogue. Sometimes, this dialogue takes no form in true words, but more in feelings and impressions. Sometimes this takes you down a dark path. It can also get abusive.

Despite the fact you’d never take this sort of abuse from someone else, when you do it to yourself you might think that’s just fine. You believe that you deserve it for doing wrong, messing up, and being imperfect in various ways.

You have the ability to use mindfulness to become aware of what you’re thinking and what and how you’re feeling. When you do this, you open yourself up to recognizing just what you’re thinking and saying about yourself and can change it as need be.

Mindfulness and self-awareness

Self-awareness is for everyone. This is achieved via active conscious awareness. That is mindfulness.

Mindfulness is knowing your inner being, and really getting to know who, what, where, how, and why you are. You’re utterly worthy and deserving of this. That’s why self-awareness is for EVERYONE.

The more you see and practice this the more you can help others to do the same. That, in turn, can change the fear base of society to a more reason-based one. You are thus empowered to live that way and use self-awareness to be all that you desire to be in this one-shot you get at life.

One Last Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool

Practice mindfulness and active conscious awareness. To be self-aware and practice mindfulness, pause from time to time and ask these questions:

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What are my intentions?

·        Is my approach to things angled towards the positive or negative end of the spectrum?

·        What are my actions?

These can all only be answered at this present moment, in the here and now. That happens to be the only time that’s really, truly, real.

Use your self-awareness to change anything about your life that you’re not okay with or desire to alter. You are thus empowered. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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Sometimes it feels like it's all spinning out of control.

Is this really the truth of society? Have people become this dominantly sad, depressed, and discourteous? It sure as hell feels that way.

Yet I believe that’s not the truth. Why? Because everyone desires kindness, compassion, and empathy. Unfortunately, too many outside influences make them appear to be lacking, scarce, and something you must compete for.

What if the truth is that they’re abundant and the competition is a lie?

Most competition is BS

Let’s be honest. Most competition, as we are shown it, is bullshit. It’s a lie.

If you’re playing golf, tennis, or participating in a game show, you’re competing with others. Pro sports and the like are competitions. Otherwise? You’re not truly competing with anyone.

This is part of where the weaponization of fear totally comes into play. Multiple types of authority figures will tell you that “they” are competing with you for this, that, or the other thing. If you don’t compete with “them” you will lose what is rightfully yours. This, of course, is utterly untrue.

Everybody wants kindness, compassion, and empathy

It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from. When it comes to yourself and your life, you desire to receive kindness. You want people to be compassionate towards you. You desire empathy for who you are, your goals, ideals, beliefs, values, and whatnot.

Unfortunately, the biggest problem with this is that many people don’t recognize that to get kindness, compassion, and empathy, they must be given. You set yourself up to not receive them when you don’t give them.

First, let’s recognize this important fact. Kindness, compassion, and empathy are in abundance. They are infinite. There will never be a lack, insufficiency, or scarcity of kindness, compassion, and empathy. They are in abundance beyond your comprehension.

Secondly, everybody desires to receive kindness, compassion, and empathy. However, not all recognize them for what they are. So much time is viewed as being in competition, and so many false narratives about lack, scarcity, and insufficiency are put forth, that they drive people to think they’re limited. That’s not true, as they are abundant and infinite.

Thirdly, nobody is any more or less deserving of kindness, compassion, and empathy than anyone else. The wealthy aren’t more deserving or worthy than the poor. FYI, this applies to the planet, animals, and virtually everything you can think of. Kindness, compassion, and empathy for everything is never bad.

Practice giving kindness, compassion, and empathy

To get more kindness, compassion, and empathy, practice giving them.

You’ll see that the more you give, the more you will find to give. Then, ultimately, the more you give, the more you get.

Practice locally. Because in truth, you have such a limited reach that this is where you can do the most good. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by practicing this.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Look around you and figure out where you can give more kindness, compassion, and empathy both to yourself and other people. Hold doors, help old people across streets, and the like.

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This is an abundant universe with more than enough for everyone.

The implication, sometimes blatant - but more often subtle - is that the thing you desire is finite. Tangible or intangible, there’s not enough and if you don’t take yours, you’ll miss it. There’s only so much pie to go around because it's limited.

The truth, however, is that the pie is not, in fact, limited.

Abundance is everywhere in everything

This is not a universe of lack, scarcity, or insufficiency. It’s an abundant universe. Stretch your mind and see that abundance is real in both the material and immaterial. Most, if not all lack, scarcity, and insufficiency are artificial.

The pie is not limited. When it comes to the things you want and desire, tangible or intangible, the pie is infinite.

The limited pie is a trick

Implications of lack, scarcity, and insufficiency – limited pie – are false. They’re artificial, created by this person, that government, that industry, or whatever/whoever else to disempower.

People who believe in lack, scarcity, and insufficiency are disempowered.

Why does empowerment matter?

You are the only one in your head, heart, and soul. Nobody else can think your thoughts, feel your feelings, experience your emotions, and so on. You’re it. Outside influences can provide some info and context. However, for the most part, empowerment comes from within.

Active conscious awareness is mindfulness. You gain it not via your 6 senses, but rather your inner being. Becoming aware, in the present, of your thoughts, feelings, actions, approach, and intentions, makes you consciously aware. Using them or changing them is mindful and empowers you.

Empowerment is how you choose and decide for yourself how to live your life. This will show you that the pie – tangible or intangible – is not limited.

This is an abundant universe with more than enough for everyone. The notion that the pie is limited is not true.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Write out a list of all the things you need or desire to have. This should include both tangibles and intangibles. Divide the list into three parts.

Must haves                       Not absolute musts       Desires you can live without

Figure out the things you can’t live without, the things you really want but aren’t musts, and the things you desire but could live without.

Is there anything on this list that’s not abundant? If not, why not? If you have it, doesn’t someone else go without (or will they just have to wait for the next production run or choose an equal alternative?)

Does this reveal to you how much there is to go around, and more?

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People can change. But only if they desire to. When they don’t, they won’t.

Sometimes you’re forced to change. Circumstances utterly outside of your control force change. They happen, and they are outside of your control. Intellectually you know this. The heart, however, is quick to disbelieve.

Change can be terrifying, especially when the other side is incredibly uncertain. You have a choice here, whether the change is of your own making or happenstance. Be afraid and resist from there - or - be reasonable and learn what you can do and what it means.

The weaponization of fear

Fear can be a helpful tool. When your life is in danger and you run because of fear, that can be a game changer. Much of the lack, scarcity, and insufficiency in the world today are utterly artificial. They’re made up to evoke fear. When people are afraid, they’re more likely to look outside of themselves for answers, help, and support. Especially when this is an intangible and not life or death. This has led to some of the deepest divides, without open war, in a very long time.

You can’t make them understand

It’s clear to me that one side of this coming election is all about obstruction, hoarding power, zero ethics, and worse. Sadly, I know they feel the same about the other side – obstruction, hoarding power, zero ethics, and worse. A complicit media and almost four decades of brazen greed and hyper-consumerism don’t help.

Worst of all, perhaps, is that you can’t make them understand. Funny thing is, they feel the same about you, too. You can’t make them understand. It’s infuriating when you see injustice and can’t do much about it. Attend the protest, make calls, write letters, send emails, and for the love of exercising your civic duty vote in elections. Sadly, that’s the extent of the actions you can take.

Try though you might, you can’t make them understand.

So what the hell can you do?

Be understanding

What I am getting at here is all about you and yourself. The only person who you can make understand is you. I could focus a ton of my time and energy on them. There has to be a way to make them understand, right? Reason, logic, science, something?

There’s something more to consider. Will that change anything about your life? Will getting them to understand what they don’t impact you?

The only way you can address this at all is to be understanding. Understanding of yourself. You, and only you, know your mind. You’re the only one capable of knowing what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, what intentions you have, your positive or negative approach, and your actions or inactions. They can’t do that for you just as much as you can’t do that for them.

You can’t make them understand. You can be understanding, but mostly only of and for yourself. This is not selfish. Working with and from this is empowering.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Actively pay attention to the words being used by advertisers, politicians, various leaders, and so forth. Familiarize yourself with some of the underlying issues that are dark and dangerous and only barely being addressed.

Do what you can so that you are as able to understand as possible. Be mindful, and do what you can to be a good person and a good example of a reasonable, logical, decent human being.

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According to multiple sources, human beings make over 30,000 choices A DAY. That is a lot of choices.

But for the most part, you don’t make them consciously. Let’s face it, if you did, I think you’d probably go mad. Thirty-thousand-plus choices, per day, add up fast. That means that in a 30-day month, you make 900,000 choices. Hence, per year you’re making more than 11 million choices.

It’s a very good thing that so many of the choices you make are automated.

Recognize and acknowledge the levels

When you get down to it, choices and decisions come in four sizes. They are big, medium, small, and seemingly insignificant.

Big choices include major life-changing things like marriage and divorce, moving, college education, bariatric surgery, and the like.

Medium choices include big purchases, vacations, buying and selling stocks, and so on.

Small choices include stuff like choosing what to wear today, where to go to dinner, the route you take from point “a” to point “b”, etc.

Seemingly insignificant choices are the most rote, routine, and subconscious. This includes choices and decisions about when to get out of bed, scrolling social media, what you eat and drink, how you brush your teeth, what tabs you leave open on your browsers, and other seemingly insignificant matters.

Nothing you choose is truly insignificant. Because they’re so numerous, they’re far more important than we often credit them for.

Life’s choices and decisions are yours to make

When it comes to being consciously aware of choices, most people focus only on the big and medium choices. While they are impactful, they’re the tip of the iceberg. That’s because below the visible are the small and seemingly insignificant choices. They are the base structure on which the medium and big choices are based and made.

Mindfulness puts you in the driver’s seat. You can use your knowledge of your thoughts, feelings, actions, intentions, and approaches to alter your choices. The power is wholly yours.

Your choices and decisions factor into everything you do. Big, medium, small, seemingly insignificant, and everything in between, you have the power to use conscious awareness and mindfulness to choose. That can change your life for the better.

Unfortunately, you live in a fear-based society disempowering you at every turn. False notions of lack, scarcity, and insufficiency are bombarding you to believe that you can do little to nothing to take control or make useful choices and decisions.

Nothing could be further from the truth. You have the power.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

For the next 5 days, every morning, take one thing a day that falls under “seemingly insignificant choices” and actively, consciously make a choice or decision about it.

This can include changing how you brush your teeth, what time you eat, what you eat, any habitual action you could change but don’t necessarily need to.

Observe how you feel throughout the day about making choices and decisions. Has altering that “seemingly insignificant choice” made the making of other choices and decisions, actively, easier?

Consider if this has a positive impact on your self-awareness continuing to apply it.

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I write about conscious reality creation, mindfulness, manifestation, and the like frequently. Each time I write about it, I explore how it requires combined thought, feeling, action, and a positive approach. Then, from there, you must apply intent with your action to make manifest the tangible or intangible.

Intent and action and time. Seldom, if ever really, is it instantaneous. When it comes to me and my choices, do I apply them?

Not enough, no.

This doesn’t just apply to fencing at all. Overall, my patience on nearly every level of my life has been disregarded, ignored, and shunted away. Ironically, as much as I teach patience here and to new fencers, my own is lacking.

Recognizing and acknowledging the need for greater patience

Upon closer examination, it certainly looks to me like a lack of patience is causing me distress on many levels. The blockage I’ve been trying to identify might all come down to this.

It starts by recognizing my impatience. Recognition is only the beginning. It needs to also be acknowledged. That way, I’m saying not just “I see I’m being impatient,” but also “I acknowledge my lack of patience needs to be adjusted by me.”

Recognized and acknowledged, now I can start to do something about this.

What do I do? The first step is to pause. Pause before I type, pause before I attack when fencing, pause before I get on the road. Then, be mindful, and consciously aware of what I’m thinking, what and how I’m feeling, my approach, then my intention and actions.

Am I being patient or impatient? This is a question I haven’t been asking, but clearly need to be. When I meditate, this should be considered. When I do, going forward I need to be more cognizant that I’m doing as I say.

Maybe you have patience that I don’t. Pausing, however, is good for you, too. In a society where it’s always “go go go”, pausing allows you and me to better get a handle on things. You and I can take more time to be present, here and now, and work smarter (not harder).

I see I have some work to do here.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Here’s an exercise to invoke more patience. This is a simple 3-step applied patience process you can use anytime you make choices or decisions or do anything at all.

Step 1: Pause. Don’t just go. Pause, reflect, consider first.

Step 2: Be mindful. Be consciously aware of what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling,  your approach (positive or negative), then your intention and actions.

Step 3: Act. After steps one and two, consciously and mindful, act.

·        Pause

·        Be Mindful

·        Act

Does this added step of patience help you better balance?

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Even on the worst days you might experience, there’s always something that you can be grateful for. It might seem impossible in the face of sadness, grief, and uncertainty, but that doesn’t lessen the truth.

Thank you are among the most powerful words you can say and feel. They might be equal to I am and I love. Whatever follows “thank you” is a powerful acknowledgment of something that makes you feel good and positive. It empowers you not only to recognize and acknowledge the one item you’re saying “thank you” for, but also find and be grateful for more.

Gratitude is the ultimate fuel for empowerment

When you’re distracted, it’s easy to lose sight of your own conscious awareness. Distraction starts to pull you into mindlessness, taking you away from intent and action. That then allows you to lose yourself in your subconscious mind.

The subconscious mind will often take everything put into it at face value.

One of the best ways to begin to access mindfulness is gratitude. Finding and expressing gratitude for things tangible or intangible is a matter of intent borne of thought and feeling.

Practice empowers

The world needs more empowered people. If more people are empowered, those who maintain the fear base of society with artificial lack, scarcity, and insufficiency become visible.

Gratitude is always positive. It always empowers, both when given and received. Gratitude, mindfulness, and positivity are linked because all are tools of incredible empowerment that, together, can change your life and put you more in control.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Start a gratitude journal.

At the beginning or end of the day (or both) take a moment to write down 5-10 things you’re grateful for. Write them out in complete sentences like, “I am grateful for this life I get to experience. Thank you.” Use both grateful and thank you in your sentence.

After you’ve written them out, read them (preferably aloud). As you read, let the feeling of gratitude that goes with the thought and words sink into your consciousness.

Read them three times each. Note how you’re feeling after you do this.

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Life is unexpected and uncertain. No two days are alike. Similar, maybe, but not the same. Change is the only constant in the Universe. That’s because the Universe and everything in it is impermanent.

Buddhism takes a deep look into the nature of impermanence. But outside the Buddhist way, it’s often disregarded, ignored outright, or denied. You strive to create things permanent and enduring, as does everyone.

The reality is that nothing is permanent. Nothing is enduring.

The meaning of life is to live

You are one of 8 billion individual people on Planet Earth. Every single person has one unspoken goal in life. To live.

Think about it. No matter who you are, where you come from, what you know, your goal in life is simply to live. You will go to great lengths to ensure that this comes to pass.

Everything above about what it takes to live is artificial. To live, all you truly need to do is breathe in.

All you can control is your inner being

Nothing at all in the entire Universe will give me control over any of the above. What I do and can control, however, is my reaction to it.

Specifically, my inner being. I control my thoughts, feelings, actions, approach, and intentions. What I do in the face of adversity, pain, suffering, frustration, and the like.

How is this an empowering realization? I can’t control anything external at all. I can and do, however, control my emotions, thoughts, feelings, and actions. This is empowering because it means I can shift my focus and stop trying to control what I can’t control.

What you do control is your thoughts, feelings, actions, approach, and intentions. However, it takes mindfulness and active conscious awareness to do this. The empowerment comes from this realization.

You are the only one in your head, heart, and soul. Nobody but you think your thoughts, feel your feelings, intend your intentions, and take your actions. These are all that you control. That’s a lot because controlling them determines what living looks like for you.

Real, genuine, actual living. Life can’t and won’t always be one given way.

Accept control of nothing and just live

Mindfulness lets you accept what you can’t and don’t control. Then, when you be here, now, you live. You’re alive. Your heart is beating, you’re breathing, and thus you’re living.

“Just live” looks small. But isn’t that, truly, the goal of every single being? Aren’t you on this Earth, here and now, primarily to live?

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Is there something outside of yourself driving you crazy? Impacting your mental, emotional, and spiritual health?

Take a close look at it. What is it? What impact is it having on you? Write this down.z

Here’s the question to ask and answer:

What, if anything, can you control about this?

Include everything you can think of when it comes to answering this. Then, take that information, and decide if said thing is yours to control at all and how much power, if any, to continue to give to it.

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The word “discipline” gets tossed around a lot. Often, it’s attached to a concept of doing something with full attention, within rigid parameters, and with no room for mistakes. Too little discipline and shit doesn’t get done. Your art isn’t made, your practice isn’t improved, and you leave a bad impression of yourself.

What if I told you that’s not the truth of discipline? What if discipline is less rigid and more about mindful, consciously aware practice?

A different approach to discipline

Discipline is not extreme willpower to get the job done. Instead, it’s an idea of active, conscious awareness to move yourself and your goals forward.

Life is in a constant state of motion. As part of that, change is the only constant. For the most part, there are three ways to live life.

1.      Let life live you. Mostly you live by rote, routine, and habit, letting whatever happens, happen.

2.      Curl up in a ball and await death. Life sucks, there’s little to no point in anything, the world is coming apart at the seams, so why bother?

3.      Take the wheel and drive your life. You do things to live your life, make choices and decisions, and seek growth, change, and so on.

These are not absolutes, other ways fall between these.

Mindfulness is the core of discipline

There are two lies about how art is made that often derail a burgeoning artist. The first is that you must be uniquely skilled and talented, gifted, born to this world entirely to make your art and be a wild success as a bestseller, storied painter, world-renowned chef, and the like. Only those so endowed are worthy.

The second is that only by rigid, strict, ongoing, never-ending practice and extreme willpower can you succeed or be worthy of calling yourself an artist. Only those who give hours of their life, their time, and sacrifice to it are worthy.

Discipline begins with mindfulness and choosing to do your work.

Discipline is active conscious awareness in practice. Recognizing and acknowledging this shows you that it’s easier to act on your goals and create what your heart seeks to share with the world. Practice is important, but perfect practice through strict discipline is not real. Your work - and the choices and decisions that go into it that lead to doing it- is discipline.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Is there something that you have desired to do but put off doing? Write it down. Also, write down why you haven’t done it yet, any reasonable or unreasonable reasons behind that, and anything else that comes to mind.

Then, work out how to do it. Write that down, too.

Now – do it. Get to it. Discipline yourself to begin.

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All opposites, like positivity and negativity, black and white, good and evil, are extremes. They’re not, as most would suggest, opposite sides of a coin. That’s because the space between them isn’t so thin as the edge of a coin, but far broader, making it more akin to a cylinder.

Recognizing this is important because you and I live in a fear-based society. From the semi-harmless, like certain forms of advertising, to blatant falsehood and lies, like large swaths of politics and religion; fear is everywhere you turn.

Fear is so deeply interwoven in society that it frequently goes unrecognized.

Reason versus fear

Fear is not necessarily bad. After all, without fear, human beings would never have survived to become the constructive, creative beings we are.

Intangible fear is the main type of fear people experience today. It’s weaponized blatantly and subtly to direct and misdirect you. The only way to combat this sort of fear is not fearlessness, but reason. Reason is looking at the fear and asking if it will truly harm you.

Mindfulness of fear

Mindfulness has two district brands. Internal and external. Part of the nature of this fear-based society is to distract you. Thus, its focus tends to the external.

Active conscious awareness is self-awareness. It’s the key to being aware of you, yourself, here and now. That then tells you who, what, where, how, and why you are.

Choices and decisions

You make choices and decisions every single day. Some are big and especially impactful. Most, however, are small, partially by rote or routine or habit, but still impactful.

When you let fear do the driving, you will be swayed by outside forces. Conversely, when you let reason drive you, you’re practicing active conscious awareness. Ergo, you’re taking control.

Reason in face the fear defeats fear. The more each individual practices reason, the more habitual it becomes. That, over time, as it gains traction from person to person, can turn this world from fear-based to reason-based.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Is there something you’re afraid of? Specifically, an intangible such as success, failure, love, and so on.

Write down what it is. What are you afraid of? Then, ask these questions:

·        What am I afraid of?

·        What do I think will happen if this comes to pass?

·        How do I think this will change the way I perceive myself?

·        How do I think this will change the way others perceive me?

·        What will the suffering be like if this comes to pass?

After you’ve asked and answered these, can you apply reason to them? Not rationalization, reason. As in you look at them, detached, and ask if they might be as awful as you fear?

See if this lessens the fear. Meditate on it if you meditate regularly.

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Women are people, too. When men pass laws that impact women’s rights, body autonomy, and the like, we can no longer stay silent. It’s time for us allies to be more vocal about this.

Women are not baby factories.

NFL Kicker Harrison Butker is an ass who has no idea what he’s talking about.

Men are not better than women just because we have penises.

LGBTQA+ people deserve equal treatment

Who cares who these people desire to have sex with or not?

It doesn’t matter how anyone identifies themselves in the grand scheme of things.

Speak up and speak out

We can’t just sit on the sidelines and ignore what’s going on. Especially in light of this upcoming election. Transphobia, homophobia, misogyny, and other prejudices and biases need to be pointed out and stood against.

Take a stand for what’s right.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Pause and consider your actions. Speak up. Speak out. Get off the bench and the sidelines and take action to support those being marginalized. Be the change you wish to see in the world and be good.

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There are plenty of contests out there where it’s all about competing. Yet, aside from such intentional competitions, you’re not in competition with anyone else for anything.

Let me repeat that for those in the cheap seats. YOU ARE NOT IN COMPETITION WITH ANYONE ELSE FOR ANYTHING. Unless you participate in a contest – a race, a fencing bout, any professional sport, a spelling bee, and the like – you’re not competing.

You’re only competing with yourself

Let’s go back to academia. The truth of placement in any given class has nothing to do with competing for grades between people (not in general). The only person you’re competing with when it comes to grades is yourself.

The funny thing is, once you leave academia and move into jobs and “real life” situations, lots of forces tell you both blatantly and subtly about all the competition you’re in now. Except, the truth is, you’re still only competing with yourself.

The lies of lack, scarcity, and insufficiency

Have you been told that “they” are going to take your money, your job, your way of life, and worse?

All of these messages are tied to lack, scarcity, and insufficiency. Here’s the most shocking truth of this. All of these messages are bullshit.

The vast majority of what you’re told is in limited supply, is lacking, insufficient, or is otherwise scarce, isn’t. That’s because most of these notions are completely artificial.

Maybe some tangible things are in short supply. But they can all be replaced by something else with no true detriment to anyone. The intangibles – including peace, respect, love, empathy, kindness, and compassion – are in more abundance than you can imagine.

The only person to be better than is yourself

Human beings grow, evolve, and change throughout their lifetime.

It’s not really competing to improve who you are, how you treat others, and what you do or don’t do. Maybe some people want to compete with their prior self to make themselves even better. That’s not competing with anyone else but yourself.

You can always win this competition, often just by showing up.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

The next time you’re not alone, like in a store, on a bus, walking down a street, in an office or classroom, or anywhere similar and mostly public, look around you. Notice the other people. Note how they’re the same as you. Observe how they’re different from you. Most importantly, become aware of these people.

That done, ask yourself these three questions.

·        Am I better than them? (Spoiler alert – no)

·        Are they better than me? (Answer – no)

·        Am I competing with any of these people? (Again, no)

When you’re out and about in the world, and you encounter other people, randomly or otherwise, guess what? You’re not competing with them. What’s more, you’re not better than they are nor are they better than you are.

Repeat whenever you find yourself thinking about competing with others outside of playing sports or the like.

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Comfort zone is an inaccurate term. That’s because, though it implies comfort, mostly the zone is one of familiarity. You know it, what’s within it, how it works, and all that you can expect from this zone.

It’s comfortable only because it’s familiar. When faced with the uncertain and the unfamiliar, having a comfort zone can and will make you feel stabler and better overall.

The problem is that from within your comfort zone, your growth is massively limited. That’s because to grow, evolve, and command change, you must be willing to move into the uncomfortable.

This is the ultimate open cell you can’t leave. Or more realistically, are afraid to leave because outside of it is the unknown.

Trauma is a thing            

The truth is that I’ve spent most of my adult life in combat mode. I’ve fought depression. There have been many struggles finding and keeping jobs (and getting paid anywhere near what I’m worth). During most of my 20s and 30s, I moved through a lot of relationships and attempted to put my polyamorous, square-peg self into a monogamous round-hole box. I’ve struggled with my weight, self-worth, and working on balancing my emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical health, wellness, and wellbeing.

In the past 15 years or so, things have shifted. A lot. My life is stable, and I haven’t the foggiest idea what to do with that. It’s like I subconsciously need the challenges, the drama, the issues, and the troubles. Because without them I’m feeling oddly stuck.

Applied mindfulness

Practice active conscious awareness. Mindfulness is being actively aware, here and now, of your thoughts, feelings, actions, intentions, and choice of a positive or negative approach. That present awareness opens the way for you to see not how it should be, or how “they” desire it to be, but how it is.

This, however, can be really disconcerting. Particularly if you have been practicing mindfulness with a modicum of success. For example, via that practice, you’ve also made active choices and decisions for how to live your life, your way.

How to leave a comfort zone

One foot in front of the other. To quote Lao Tzu,

“The journey of a thousand miles begins beneath one's feet.”

The first step is to recognize that I’m in an undesirable comfort zone. The second step is to recognize that it is, in fact, mine to leave. Then, the third step is to acknowledge this. Skipping acknowledgment is the equivalent of recognizing that the first step out the door is a 2-foot drop, but not taking that into account when you take the step.

After recognition and acknowledgment, the fourth step is to leave the comfort zone. There is, however, an important bit to keep in mind here. Why?

What is my why behind leaving the comfort zone? To leave a familiar but not comfortable place is a good answer, but still doesn’t explore the next part. Where am I striving to get myself to? That’s the tough part. It requires that I strike a balance between where I am, here and now, and where I desire to be. To get from here to there, steps must be taken.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

If you’re feeling in any way stuck, examine if there’s a why you can put a finger on.

If so, consider where you desire to be, then take the following 4 steps:

1.      Recognize that you’re in an undesirable comfort zone.

2.      Recognize that it is, in fact, yours to leave.

3.      Acknowledge this. This cannot be skipped.

4.      Leave the comfort zone.

Repeat whenever you seek to make changes for yourself and your life.

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Sometimes you just don’t know what to say or write. It’s never just the words you use. Even the written word can convey a degree of tone, intent, and attitude.

Communication is a complex mechanism of expression employed to convey ideas. It’s how you and I can share notions, agree and disagree, and expand (or, frankly, shrink) our overall knowledge base.

Communication can be both internal and external.

Communication within and without

Whole people are made up of 4 specific elements. One is tangible, the physical. The other three are intangible, the mental, emotional, and spiritual. Everyone has these four elements to themselves, yet how developed each is varies wildly.

The intangible elements have a rather intense impact on how communication works. This is why it’s more than words. Words are physical. That means there is still a mental, emotional, and spiritual element to all communications.

Most of these are incredibly subtle. That’s because of the intangible nature of the mental, emotional, and spiritual. This is also where miscommunication is frequently born.

Words and body language go hand-in-hand when it comes to in-person conversations. Looks, how you stand, sighs, what you do with your hands, coupled with the words you speak convey an almost surreal amount of information.

Communication is never just words

You can be with a person, in the same space, and still misspeak, misinterpret information, and misunderstand. You think you’re expressing yourself, you think you’re reading another’s cues, and then learn you utterly failed to communicate with one another properly, and now there’s hurt.

Even the unintentional hurt caused by miscommunication feels bad both given and received.

What do you do when you can’t find the words? For me, the answer is to keep searching. Maybe they’re not here now, but they always come when called.

Become more consciously aware and mindful of your own nonverbal, wordless communication styles. I’ve had a real eye-opener into how what I do and don’t do, without words, can create an incredible degree of misunderstanding, which in turn leads to hurt feelings. That sucks.

I can choose to learn a lesson from it, and by recognizing, acknowledging, and being accountable for my failed communication beyond words, I can grow and learn. You can do this, too.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Before you say anything to anyone, or send a DM or email, no matter what the topic is, pause. Consider your words, what they are, and what they will convey. Think about nonverbal elements that might go into it. Then act from there.

It might not seem like much, but sometimes pausing and considering before acting can avoid confusion, miscommunication, misunderstanding, and other issues before they might even occur.

Be mindful of what words and nonverbal communication you put out into the world.

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Whether they were a leader, writer, painter, artist, athlete, or whatever, they started as a beginner.

Nobody enters any given field as an expert. Nobody.

Yes, some people advance quicker than others. This is dependent on inherent skill and/or talent, how they learn, how fast they learn, natural ability, and all sorts of other factors along the way.

Still, even those who have the most gifts and innate proficiencies begin as beginners. Nobody starts at the top of their game. Unfortunately, there’s a loud false narrative about the latently able starting at the top.

It’s okay when you don’t get it right at the start

There are, of course, numerous stories of people making lots and lots and lots of attempts before succeeding. Some of the most successful people in history endured tons of failures, false starts, and other challenges on the way to their success. They tried and failed and chose to keep working. They didn’t do the half-assed, half-hearted “try” Yoda warns against in my favorite quote,

“Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”

They do. It’s an attempt, but an action that is doing rather than half-assed trying.

The process is never the same for any creation, discovery, recognition, or success. The process, however, is similar.

Thought leads to idea à Idea leads to actionable item à Actionable item leads to action à Action leads to learning from success or failure.

The top of their game isn’t necessarily THE top

The GOATs all began as beginners. Not a single one of them appeared on the scene fully formed, greater than any other, ever. Holding them up as the pinnacle of achievement is often touted as inspiring. Yet frequently it has the exact opposite effect.

Mindfulness to reach the top of their game

Very seldom, almost impossibly seldom, does someone luck into the top of their game. Unplanned success and achievement at any given thing is almost mythical, like dragons.

Nobody truly starts at the top of their game. They do the work, they attempt and have small successes or failures, and they make new attempts again and again until they succeed. That action isn’t chance or luck or random happenstance. It’s mindfulness.

Active conscious awareness is mindfulness. Success and what it is varies from person to person. Measuring success is a highly individual matter. What’s more, success is different for every individual. Maybe you’re a beginner, maybe in the middle, or maybe at the top of your game. Wherever you are, mindfulness is the key to getting where you desire to go.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Try something you’ve never done before.

Is there something you’ve been curious about trying out? Is there something new that has caught your attention you want to attempt to do? Might there be something you’ve not attempted because you were worried that you’d not be good at it?

Do it. Take that thing and do it. OR, if there is nothing already in your queue, take up a new art/hobby/activity that piques your interest. Don’t worry that you might suck at it, that’s how everyone starts. Be the beginner and try this new thing.

Write down what it is, how it goes, and how it’s making you feel.

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What you’re never taught in school is how to be yourself. You’re taught to read, write, communicate with others, and be part of the machine of your given society. You’re never taught how to know yourself, basic psychology is only covered when you reach college (only if you bother with college and take any path along that line), and self-learning is not something you’re taught.

The truth of this life is that you are not just a cog in the machine. Rather, you’re a human, being. You’re capable of some pretty amazing things.

The gurus, demagogues, and supposedly elite of society aren’t better than you and me. They are not more worthy and deserving. They’ve just broken away from the herd, tasted power, and decided to hoard it for themselves and treat the rest of us like sheep. They’ve done what they tell you can’t and shouldn’t be done to maintain the false control and power they perceive themselves as having.

Recognizing that you have the same power is imperative. Accessing it is easier than you realize. It’s simply a matter of employing active conscious awareness and making choices and decisions.

Mindfulness is all about choices and decisions

Leaving the rote, routine, and subconscious living behind can be done by working with active conscious awareness.

To use active conscious awareness to make choices and decisions is a matter of mindfulness. To begin practicing mindfulness, you just need to be present, here and now.

Action often implies the physical. The truth is, it’s not literally what you do as much as it’s choices and decisions that you make.

If you’ve not been a regular maker of choices and decisions, you’d be amazed at how often you have opportunities you don’t consider. Even the most minor choices and decisions build strength to make larger and more impressive/more important things in your life.

Actively choosing and deciding is how you can gain what little control over your life experience is available to you. Yet that seemingly little control is the key to being who, what, where, how, and why you desire to be.

Choices and decisions empower you

Most of the “power” claimed by leaders, gurus, demagogues, and the like is utterly false. The first step in taking the wheel to drive your life and choose your path is to exercise choices and decisions. Turn off the autopilot, and don’t let yourself follow rote and routine and habit. Instead, choose and decide things. Actively and consciously apply mindfulness to make more choices and decisions.

This is the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. You are the only you that is, and you are not just here to exist and survive this life. You’re here to experience, explore, grow, evolve, and thrive. Choices and decisions are how you gain control on any level. You, and I mean you, are worthy and deserving of this.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Today, take a moment to write down every choice and decision you make. No matter how large or small, write it down.

At the end of the day, mark all the choices and decisions you normally disregard as unimportant or make almost entirely by rote and routine.

Repeat this process tomorrow, and see if you add any new active, consciously aware decisions to your practice.

Once more, at the end of the day, mark all the choices and decisions you normally disregard as unimportant or make almost entirely by rote and routine.

Examine if this has a positive, negative, or neutral impact on your self-awareness. Continue to work with this as necessary.

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The modern world is obsessed with extremes. So many things are viewed as either/or, rather than the far vaster middle between them. It’s all black or white, never mind the shades of grey and myriad of colors between the opposite poles.

One Size Fits All never fits all. Yet you’re constantly bombarded by messages to conform, to find your accepted place in society, and to be a cog in the machine.

When it comes to your mental, emotional, and spiritual health, wellness, and wellbeing, lots of things might break you along the way.

Nobody teaches you any better

You’re taught throughout your youth to care for your body in numerous ways. Diet, exercise, dental care, hair and skin care, all of these get tons of focus and you’re taught to mind them. This is not true of your intangible, other elements of your being, however.

Thus, stress, fear, anxiety, depression, and uncertainty are invisible illnesses that silently attack the physical via the mental, emotional, and spiritual. This can become quickly overwhelming, especially if you fall for the messages of lack, scarcity, and insufficiency, then turn outwards to solve these matters.

However, the first step to any healing when you’re broken starts within.

It’s all about mindfulness and choice

You have more power than you probably realize.

When you get broken physically, fixing the damage is usually direct. Mental, emotional, and spiritual damage is another matter. There is no One True Way for everyone, with one exception. Active conscious awareness, i.e., mindfulness.

Mindfulness practice of this sort begins with becoming consciously aware of what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, what your intentions are, the positivity or negativity of your life approach, and what you are or aren’t doing.

So, you might (and let’s face it, most probably will) get broken in one or more of the elements of your health, wellness, and wellbeing along the way. However, you won’t be beaten unless you allow yourself to be.

Broken but not beaten is a choice

Some challenges will feel insurmountable in this life. So long as you are here, drawing breath, and capable of independent thought, feeling, action, and intention, you won’t be beaten. Unless you allow yourself to be.

Everyone gets broken along the way. That’s the nature of the human condition. So long as you live, you can recover.

There are always resources to help you heal. No matter how you’re broken – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually – something is available to you to aid your recovery.

When you get broken you are not beaten unless you allow yourself to be. Unconditionally, you are worthy and deserving of making choices and decisions to heal on any and all levels necessary.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Think back on a previous experience that broke you. Were you broken physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or in multiple ways?

How did you recover? What did you do to help that? Did you take steps to aid your recovery?

Write it all down and keep it handy so that, the next time you’re broken, you’ll see that you’ve been broken – but not beaten - before, and can do it again.

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The Void or The Flow State are references to that place outside of time and space where you simply are. They’re the ultimate expression of the here and now — the present moment. In the flow, you ride along aware and unaware at the same time. It’s an amazing disconnect where super cool things happen.

Creativity directly connects you to The Void or The Flow State. That is one of the best ways to see, recognize, and develop your empowerment.

The three states of mind

Everyone everywhere is made up of three minds. The first is the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is how your neurons fire to make your muscles do things, your heart beat, your lungs breathe, digestive system process food, and so on.

The second is the subconscious mind. This is where your memories, values, beliefs, and habits live. For the most part, they simply are. You can access them at will, but that requires a conscious act.

The conscious mind is your inner mindset/headspace/psyche self, as you perceive it here and now. It’s the conscious awareness of who, what, where, how, and why you are, now. Via the conscious mind, you can access the subconscious to make changes, create new habits, review old memories, and so on.

Two specific and separate places exist between the conscious and subconscious mind. One is the ego. The other space between the conscious and subconscious mind is The Void or The Flow State. This is a place where you simply are, being, doing, and existing, here and now. The Void or The Flow State lacks ego and loses track of time.

How does the void of the flow state work?

When you reach this place, you tend to find yourself in a metaphorical current, being carried along by the act of creating, working your mind, body, and/or soul. It’s a place where thought, feeling, intention, approach, and action are one, moving automatically. Unlike the automation of habit, rote, and routine, however, The Void or The Flow State results from mindful conscious awareness action.

This differs from habit, rote, and routine, because it’s a product of intent. You are doing a thing consciously and intentionally, rather than habitually and subconsciously. The act of the doing combined with the intent leads to The Void or The Flow State.

When you work in this place, it’s one of the most empowering feelings you can get.

The Void or The Flow State can’t be forced

Trying to force your way into The Void or The Flow State will have the opposite effect. Instead of being in that place where you are - doing, being, creating, in the now – you’ll connect to the ego and its artificial reflection and expression of who, what, where, how, and why you believe you are. This will keep you out of The Void or The Flow State because it’s missing the element of surrender.

Why is this so empowering? Because any act where you have reached the ultimate place of present conscious awareness is your doing. Because you thought, felt, intended, and acted on something to make a thing happen, and then allowed it to be, you empowered yourself from the start.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Set aside 30-60 minutes to do an activity that you enjoy.

To attempt to get into the void or the flow state, begin with a 2-minute breathing exercise. Set a timer. Breathe in as deeply as you can. Then, breathe out completely. Repeat for the full 2 minutes.

Once your breathing exercise is complete, go to it. Do the activity you set the time to do. Allow yourself to get completely immersed in it.

Once you’re done, check how long you were at it. Did you lose track of time? Did it feel as if you simply were doing and being, in the moment? If yes, you experienced working from the void or a flow state.

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Gratitude is never a bad thing. It is a matter of positivity and it always builds and never destroys. Saying thank you, and meaning it, expressing the feeling behind gratitude is a tool for change. When we express how grateful we are for things we have, things we receive, tangibles or intangibles, we empower ourselves, as well as those around us.

Gratitude in this way also improves our health, wellness, and wellbeing. On every level, gratitude is important to mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health, wellness, and wellbeing.

In the face of institutionalized disempowerment and disenfranchisement, we need every tool we can get to fix this.

Gratitude is not selfish

Not to put too fine a point on it, but feeling grateful and expressing gratitude is not an act of selfishness.

How can I express gratitude when so many people are suffering so horridly? Because feeling grateful for things in no way disempowers anyone else. All those people who are experiencing awful things and suffering do not have their lot in life made worse when you are thankful for things.

I know how hard this is. But consciousness creates reality. When we get focused on all this awfulness around us, we discuss it, we rant about it, we feel terrible seeing it, then we inadvertently energize it more. Being grateful and expressing gratitude is positive.

Tangible or intangible, big or small, gratitude is always empowering

There is no such thing as negative gratitude. Sure, there’s false gratitude, but that’s not gratitude. Genuine, true, real gratitude is always positive. 

Genuine gratitude is an expression of appreciation. Appreciation is a direct pathway to kindness, compassion, and empathy. Everyone, everywhere, desires kindness, compassion, and empathy. Saying thank you, giving thanks, and offering gratitude are all positive, empowering acts. What’s more, they are just as powerful when given as when received.

Gratitude is abundance

Saying thank you, and FEELING thankful is empowering. When you receive genuine thanks, doesn’t it make you feel good? Giving it is equally – if not more powerful than - receiving it. The number of things for which we can be grateful are infinite.

Mindfulness and gratitude

How can you recognize and apply genuine gratitude? By using mindfulness.

This form of mindfulness is active conscious awareness. It’s not recognizing the world without via your six senses, though that is a factor. It’s more about knowing your inner being. To do that requires active conscious awareness. This is a matter of recognizing, here and now, in the present, what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, what your intent is, if your approach is one of positivity or negativity, and what your actions are or aren’t.

Tangible or intangible, big or small, gratitude is always empowering and always positive.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

In the now, say and feel Thank You at least a dozen times today. Whether to someone or something or to yourself, say it. When you say it, think it, feel it, and intend it.

In this way, you empower yourself to change your life for the better. Gratitude is an expression of appreciation. Because like attracts like, appreciation appreciates. In this way, not only do you empower your life for the better, you empower the world for the better.

To give this an extra boost, at the end of the day, before you go to bed, write out at least 5 things you are grateful for. Read what you write and put the energy into it to feel it.

This practice can be applied forever.

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Despite being an actor in HS, a DJ in college, and serving as a court herald in my medieval organization – and speaking publicly in front of hundreds, sometimes – I’m more introverted than extroverted. Ambivert is a fair approximation for me.

Doing this uncomfortable thing is extremely positive for my overall life approach. Why and how does that work?

You can’t grow from your comfort zone

What does it mean to live? It’s not simply a matter of existing, of being half-present, of just surviving. It’s about thriving. Having experiences, learning things, meeting people, doing things, and the like. Unfortunately, this means there will be pain and bad things. However, that’s just a part of the life experience. Living isn’t always comfortable, and that’s okay.

Growth comes from experiences. Some are tangible, others intangible. Actively growing is empowering, and opens you to all kinds of potential, possibilities, and options.

Becoming comfortable getting uncomfortable

This is just like any muscle. The more you work it the stronger you get.

It is equally important that you work and grow your mental, emotional, and spiritual muscles like you would your physical ones. This will be uncomfortable. That’s largely because you are stepping into the unknown. There is no certainty in the unknown save uncertainty and the unknown.

Getting mindfully uncomfortable

The first step in the process is to identify what you desire to change. Mindfulness around this topic begins with acquiring conscious awareness of my thoughts, feelings, actions, approach, and intentions. Just thinking and feeling this out is a step away from my comfort zone. That’s because it points me in the direction of the unknown and uncomfortable.

Mindfulness can only be practiced by each of us individually.

The power of non-toxic positivity

Looking at both the positive and the negative - and choosing a positive approach - is genuine positivity. Toxic positivity ignores, disregards, and discards the negative. That’s unrealistic, unhealthy, and of course toxic.

Doing the uncomfortable thing via conscious awareness is a positive approach that can help you actively grow, change, and evolve. Growth comes only from leaving our comfort zones. Since I would rather take the wheel and drive my life than just go for a ride, this is how I empower myself, and is worthwhile to me.

That’s why doing the uncomfortable thing is positive. How empowering is that?

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

When something uncomfortable happens in the next week – specifically anything that draws you out of your comfort zone, like a conversation, an opportunity to do something new and unusual, or the like - consider it before you act on it or dismiss it.

What you believe – positive or negative – is true. After something pulls you out of your comfort zone or otherwise causes you to feel uncomfortable, it’s easy to go negative. However, you have a choice.

Here’s the exercise:

1.      Write whatever the situation is/was down

2.      Explain why it generated the emotion it generated

3.      How are you feeling?

4.      If negative, can you refocus to find and/or create a positive?

This is meant to show you how self-awareness and mindfulness empower you to change any belief you hold. It will also show how you can get comfortable and work with positivity in an uncomfortable situation.

this in mind going forward.

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Quite possibly the single greatest superpower that we have is choice. The rest of the animal kingdom on this planet largely has a very set life path. Humans, however, have choices, like to merely survive or thrive. Some are the product of environment, privilege, birth, etc. However, most are inherent to all and are immaterial/intangible.

This is due to the perception versus the reality of control. The perception of control is all about outward appearances. People doing things, having things, and being things that make them appear in control. Yet most of that is false, and not genuine control. Why? Because the only things we have genuine control over are our internal processes.

Specifically, thoughts, feelings, actions, intentions, life approaches, and so on. All of which are intangible and immaterial.

Why is this the only real control we have? Because we alone exist in our heads, hearts, and souls.

You alone control your mindset

We have zero control over anyone or anything apart from ourselves. We can’t control other people.

Change is inevitable and the one and only constant in the Universe. It can, will, and does happen. All the time. Who you were is not who you are or who you will be. Sometimes this is in subtle ways. Other times in blatant ways.

This is why beginning with mindset is important. Because by recognizing and acknowledging your mindset – which only you can do – you can gain control of it.

Mindfulness for choosing

What you have utter and total control over is your conscious awareness. However, this works only in the now, in the present. That’s where mindfulness enters into it.

The truth is that thoughts, feelings, intentions, approaches, and actions/inactions are most of what you can control in life. That’s because they belong wholly, entirely, unequivocally to you.

Being mindful empowers you.

Choosing is empowering

When you make active, conscious choices, you are taking control of your life experience. Via actively choosing, you make a decision and drive your life.

When you are consciously aware you can practice mindfulness. When you’re mindful, you enable yourself to exist here and now, in the present (which is the only measure of time that’s genuinely real) to actively choose.

Active choice is empowering. When you choose, you are deciding who, what, how, where, and why you are. Ultimately, that is how you can take control of your life experience.

Choice is like any muscle. The more you use it the stronger it gets. That’s why choice is empowering. Ultimately, choice is how you can take control of your life experience.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Tomorrow, be mindful about all the following choices. Pay attention to them, and before you make them, consider why you make them:

·        When you get dressed

·        What you choose to put on

·        What you have for lunch

·        Any conversations you initiate

·        What music you listen to

·        Any website you choose to visit

·        Any other active, conscious choices you make throughout the day

At the end of the day, write down anything you remember about your choices. How did they make you feel? Were they worthy of you? Did you feel empowered by active, consciously making your choices?

Keep this in mind going forward.

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If, as I postulate, the meaning of life is To Live, education and learning are a cornerstone of that.

One of the failings of many of our leaders is their desire to keep us ignorant. It’s a matter of their retention of control to keep us reliant on them to understand certain matters. Rather than empower, they prefer to disempower us by slashing education and maintaining the false control that they think they have.

Coupled with this, we are not taught in any formal way how to recognize and know ourselves. At least, not beneath the surface. We’re hyper-focused on appearance and other elements of the body, often to the exclusion of the rest of what we are. Hence, we neglect to account for mental, emotional, and spiritual health, wellness, and wellbeing in favor of the physical.

Education is empowering

Learning builds up our ability to not only acquire new information, but to better understand the world around us.

Life is all about learning. The more we learn, the more we grow. The more we grow, the more we become able to consciously create our realities and manifest an incredible world.

As we educate ourselves, we can create something greater, something better than the collective reality we find ourselves in. We can empower ourselves, and from there empower one another to make the world a better place and change the narrative away from fear to reason.

True education cannot be forced

Formal schooling tends to be more about learning how to learn than gaining knowledge and understanding. Unfortunately, many people consider their education done when formal schooling ends.

Knowledge is power. True power is the empowerment of the self. When we’re empowered, we can build incredible things to better ourselves. By bettering ourselves and living our lives as fully as we can, we better the world around us.

What’s the Meaning of Life ultimately got to do with self-awareness?

If the meaning of life is to live, then you must be self-aware to do that.

That means not just recognizing the world outside, but the world within you. To do so, you must question your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions, here and now. Only in the now can you be truly present as the now is the only time that’s truly real.

You have the power to understand the meaning of life by experiencing all it has to offer. To do that, you need to live, That begins via self-awareness, and self-awareness is for everyone.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This is an exercise for living life.

Start by setting aside 5 minutes where you can be completely by yourself. Get a pen and paper/notebook, tablet, or some other means to write or type.

Set a timer for 5 minutes.

For the first 2 minutes, just breathe deeply. Breathe in as deep as you can, let it out fully. Repeat until those 2 minutes are up.

Now, ask and answer this question:

What experiences do I desire to have to feel the most alive that I can?

There are no wrong answers. This can be taking regular walks in nature, sex, naps, travel, read a book, watch a funny video, or what-have-you. It’s less about the actual experience and more about how that will make you feel.

Stop at the end of the 5 minutes and look at what you’ve got. How can you apply it? If it’s a financial issue, are there alternatives that will also make you feel alive?

Repeat this whenever you question the meaning of life and your place in the Universe, or anytime you have uncertainty or just feel like doing this analysis of your life and desires.

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Sometimes, when you can’t put your finger on why you are feeling a certain way, the answer is simple.

The unknown.

When you are facing many uncertainties, challenges, and questions with unpredictable outcomes, you seek answers. Yet the outcome of all the above is utterly unknown.

Recognize, acknowledge, and consciously choose your approach

You can make choices to take a different approach. If you allow yourself to fall victim to your visceral senses when they’re negative, that’s the approach you’ll take to everything you do today. However, if you choose to seek positivity and take that approach, that will be the approach you take to what you do today.

Either way, the outcome is unknown. The truth is that outcomes on almost every level are largely unknown. No matter what you plan, what you do, or your intentions, shit happens you didn’t expect, adding to and altering the outcome and expanding how much is unknown.

Hence, if you have any desire at all to make choices and decisions for what your life looks like, choosing your approach to the unknown is a must.

The three primary ways to live this life

Every single human being is here for one primary purpose. To live. I’m increasingly believing that the meaning of life is just that simple. To live.

·        Let life live you

·        Curl up in a ball and await death

·        Get behind the wheel and drive life

Everyone shifts between these from time to time. Nobody is immune to being hurt physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually. There are also other ways to live this life between and apart from these three.

Mindfulness and self-awareness of control in your approach to the unknown

We have a very limited amount of control over the world around us. Externally, this amounts to what we wear, to some degree where we are, and how we present ourselves to the world. Otherwise, all the rest of our control is internal.

What that means is that it’s all about conscious awareness. Rather than letting your subconscious mind do the driving via rote, routines, and habits, you’re choosing to apply active conscious awareness. That practice is mindfulness.

Via mindfulness, you can know what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, your intentions, and actions you do or don’t take. From thought, feeling, intention, and action, the choice of an approach to life is yours to be made.

NOTE: Your feelings and emotions are valid. Nobody but you can feel them, after all. However, you can assume control of them via mindfulness, and rule them - rather than let them rule you.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This tool is for recognizing your approach and changing it if necessary.

To begin, set aside 5 minutes at the start of your day to do this uninterrupted.

Take a full minute to do some deep breathing. Focus wholly on your breaths in and out for that minute.

Then ask,

·        How do I feel right now?

·        What am I feeling now?

·        Is there anything I am anticipating that’s coming up?

·        Do I think today will be good, bad, or neutral?

Please write both the questions and the answers. Based on your answers, how would you define your current approach? Does it suit you? If yes, carry on. If no, here’s how to act to change it.

Take several deep breaths in and out to center yourself. Then, write down these questions and the answers to them, answering immediately as you ask:

·        What am I thinking?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What am I feeling?

·        What do I desire?

The above mindfulness questions help you be more self-aware and present, here and now. With this conscious self-awareness, if you are dissatisfied with the answers you can take action to change them.

That is the best way to face the unknown.

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Multiple forces are pushing the idea that “I don’t know” makes you weak, makes you inferior, and sets you up to fail. They don’t know something? Look how inferior they are because they don’t know and we do.

This is utterly backward, however. Scientific curiosity is born of looking at something, saying “I don’t know but desire to learn.” The unknown is where great discoveries abound.

Seeking answers when you don’t know is how we got to the world we’re at today.

Empowering learning and growth

All learning of real knowledge begins with recognizing that there are things you don’t know. More than that, there are things you don’t know but desire to know. Thus, you start to do what you can to learn.

“I don’t know” leads you to question things and empowers you to seek answers. Social studies, advanced math, and science in school start to address this and teach you. However, it doesn’t address the question “Who am I?”

That is a self-directed matter. Who you are can be known to you, and you alone. That’s because you’re the only one in your head, heart, and soul. Nobody but you can know you, as such. Self-awareness 101.

Working with and from “I don’t know” makes you stronger, not weaker

The truth is that admitting “I don’t know” makes you strong. Not knowing things doesn’t make you lesser, unworthy, or defective. Truth is, it makes you human.

“I don’t know” applies to everyone everywhere. That doesn’t make you lesser, or weaker. It empowers you to grow, learn, and evolve.

Because nobody knows everything about anything - but human beings are inherently curious and seek to learn, grow, and evolve - the starting point is inevitably “I don’t know”. That’s why “I don’t know” is so damned healthy. It is from not knowing that we seek to gain more knowledge.

I don’t know, because there is always something to be learned

No matter what scale you measure life, the Universe, and everything on, there is always something to be learned.

When you are taught to fear “I don’t know”, you are disempowered. You remain sheltered, ignorant, and at the mercy of the people telling you not knowing makes you weak. Nothing could be further from the truth.

There will always be things to be learned. Knowledge to be gained. That’s why it’s healthy to admit “I don’t know.” Without that admittance, how else can you grow, evolve, and expand what you know? How else can you know who you are and change if that isn’t who you desire to be?

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Is there something you have always desired to know? Take steps to learn it.

Watch the YouTube videos, visit the website, read the blogs, buy the book, and/or experiment with the practice. Whatever it is, make the time and the effort to learn it, however best you learn things (reading, watching, listening, doing, and so on).

Don’t put this off until tomorrow. After you finish listening to this podcast, take something you don’t know – but have always desired to know – and make the effort to learn or learn about it.

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The Squirrels in my brain are being major dicks at the moment. Why? Because they’re chewing on thoughts that do me no good and are almost entirely out of my control.

On top of my work to be as genuine and true to myself as I can be, there are other things I can’t pretend don’t exist. It’s far too easy to feel a sense of impending doom and gloom about the world right now.

Taking a different vantage point

While the above can and does impact us in different ways, for the most part, this is indirect.

Here’s the thing – what can I do about anything going on in the world at large? The answer is little to nothing.

Focusing on it and giving it all of my attention doesn’t help the situation. Unfortunately, it also doesn’t help me and my life.

When you look at the big picture, and the situations all around the world, it feels like anything we do doesn’t matter. However, that’s simply not true.

Does anything I do matter?

Of course it does. It matters to me. What that means is that anything that I do matters. It matters to and for me.

Ah, but isn’t that selfish? From a certain point of view, yes. That, however, is dependent on your definition of selfishness. Mine is simple. Any action taken with malice of forethought, knowing full well that you are causing hurt or harm to another, and YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT, is selfish.

Acts of self-care, though someone might call them so, ARE NOT SELFISH.

When you begin with self-care, you become more empowered. When you are more empowered, you become a beacon. That beacon can help others to also become empowered.

Does what I do matter? Hell yes. Because we get one shot each, in this time, living and experiencing in these bodies. How I make the most of that time is what matters most. That starts for me, first.

Am I making choices and decisions to live, to do, to experience life? Or not? Are you?

Does anything I do matter to the big picture?

In the abstract, no. However, when you zoom in on yourself and your life, it absolutely does matter.

Know this – choosing to be the best you that you can be, to live with passion, does no harm to others. We’re not in competition for either tangibles or intangibles. Hence, you or me deciding to live as fully as possible doesn’t mean someone else can’t.

When I am mindful of and work with this, I’m empowered. I believe that choosing and deciding to live life as fully as possible matters. To make anything I do matter to the big picture, I must start with myself from within to do more without.

This is not selfish, but it is self-interest. I alone live my life and can be who, what, where, how, and why I desire to be. You have the exact same power and ability, too.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Write out everything that is on your mind right now. List it in three columns – good, bad, neither, or neutral. Please each thing on your mind – no matter what it is, and if it’s big or small, personal or global – on the page or screen.

Give yourself 2-5 minutes to do this. Stream of consciousness, write anything that comes to mind.

When done, highlight, circle, or underline anything you cannot directly control. For example, politics, war, horrible people and business practices, and so on.

When done, rewrite the list excluding all of those things. From the new list, when it comes to the neutral or the bad, what, if anything, can you do with or about it?

Lastly - write out all the things from the list that you removed because you cannot control them. What, if anything, can you do about them? If nothing, can you release them and move on without them?

Use this exercise anytime you find yourself questioning if you matter and/or feeling overwhelmed.

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Whether we like it or not, we live in a fear-based society. All around us are messages aimed to keep us afraid.

Why? This might come across as cynical, but I can’t disprove it: Because capitalism demands sales. One of the best ways to get people to buy goods and services is via fear.

The best way to combat a fear-based society is with reason. Reason, tied to logic, is the antithesis of fear. That’s because reason often exposes fear for its bullshit.

Genuine, non-toxic positivity versus toxic positivity

The use of toxic positivity has made genuine, non-toxic positivity seem hard to distinguish. It causes many to automatically dismiss all positivity, genuine or otherwise.

Neutrality doesn’t help anyone when all is said and done.

Neutrality can’t combat negativity. Positivity, however, can. Genuine, non-toxic positivity.

It’s a matter of choice in the face of negativity

When bad things happen you’ll experience an immediate, visceral, automated reaction to it. That varies from person to person, and it takes more forms than this podcast is covering. After that initial reaction, however, you have a choice. Feed the negativity or feed the positivity.

Certain happenings appear to have no positivity tied to them. That’s the nature of uncertainty. Yet they can teach you something, help you grow and evolve, and open you to make choices and decisions for change. That’s a positive, is it not?

The challenge of outside influences

People might see you choosing to move on from something via genuine, non-toxic positivity, and form an opinion. Then, they might share their opinion. It might run completely counter to what you’re doing.

Whose life is It anyway? Nobody but you is in your head, heart, and soul. Ergo, there is nobody else who can think for you, feel for you, act for you, or intend for you. It’s all yours.

What does genuine, non-toxic positivity look like?

First and foremost, it does not apply to anyone other than you. You recognize and acknowledge the world can be an imperfect, illogical, even awful place. Bad things might be happening/have happened, and they’re not to be disregarded. Then, you practice mindfulness to be consciously aware of yourself.

What this looks like is recognizing something has happened, but that either/and/or it’s a learning opportunity, a blessing in disguise, an unavoidable change, or a chance to start something new, change direction, and so on.

This comes down to making choices and decisions for how you approach life here and now and then moving forward. Genuine, non-toxic positivity is working with potential and possibilities to live life on your terms and in your control.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

We’re going to use Gratitude to connect to positivity.

Expressing gratitude always generates positivity. Genuine gratitude is never negative. It’s always a positive force in the world.

At the end of the day, before you go to bed, for the next week, please write down 5-10 things you’re grateful for. When you write them down, write out, “I am so grateful for *insert tangible or intangible here*. Thank you!”

After you write them out, read them out. As you read them, pause between each to feel the gratitude for them.

This can be anything – big, small, silly, whatever. That means it can be sunshine, the purr of your cat, being able to tighten your belt more, a song, a person, breathing, or anything else you can imagine for which you can be grateful.

After a week, examine what impact, if any, this is having for your overall attitude and life experience.

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The world is at your fingertips.

On the one hand, this is incredible. Only in the last two or three decades have we had the power to learn and know anything at all about any topic whatsoever.

On the other hand, this is terrible. There is so much information available that it can be incredibly overwhelming. What’s more, finding fact versus opinion – informed or utter BS - is another challenge that can only be overcome by choice and action.

Parsing out the information constantly bombarding you can be increasingly challenging. It’s even harder when many of the solutions you’re offered line someone’s pockets and at best offer temporary comfort or relief.

Is there anything you can do about that?

Misrepresentation of selfishness

When you let your mind, body, and spirit fall into disrepair, you experience ill health, depression, anxiety, crises of faith, disassociation, and other signs of poor health, wellness, and wellbeing.

You, and you alone, can make choices and decisions to care for your mind, body, and spirit. Genuine selfishness is done with malice of forethought. Hence, self-care, and putting your own health, wellness, and wellbeing first are not selfish acts.

Is there anything you can do about that?

The world seems to be going quite mad, right? Yet, there’s an important question about this that you might not ask. Is there anything that you can do about that?

The answer is going to vary from person to person. For the most part, it’s “that depends”. Overall, however, the answer is going to be no. That doesn’t mean there’s nothing at all I can do about these things.

Why does knowing the limits of what you can do about that matter?

Does it do you any good to worry about things outside of your control? If you give large swaths of your time, attention, and energy to these terrible things, constantly watch the news, and scan social media, can you change them? Are you a bad person if you don’t give them more than a passing thought and basic, vague acknowledgment? NO.

Why? Because you can control only a limited, few things directly. All of them are or start within you and belong solely to you.

Specifically, you can control your thoughts, feelings, actions, intentions, approach to matters tangible and intangible, choices, and decisions. That’s it. How? Active conscious awareness.

Practicing mindfulness

My definition of mindfulness is active conscious awareness in action. What that means is not just going with the flow or living by rote and routine, but asking questions here and now, in the present moment, to become actively consciously aware.

If you worry, fret, and focus on things you can do nothing about, you can choose to change that. Recognizing, acknowledging, and working with this can change your life in multiple ways. How? By changing your focus to things that you can do something with and/or about.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

For the next week, practice the following:

Whenever you read something online, watch the news, are told something by friends, family, or anyone else, about a problem, challenge, issue, horror, or whatever, ask,

Is there anything I can do about this?

If the answer is yes, consider doing something about whatever “this” is. If the answer is no, however, work to let it go, release it, or just don’t think about it beyond the initial conversation.

At the end of the day, write down anything that has stuck with you that you can’t do anything about. Then, to alleviate the tension it’s still causing, write down,

“I’m sorry there’s nothing that I can do about that.”

Does this make you feel better and free up brain capacity for other things?

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Everything begins with thought. Thought happens on three levels – unconscious, subconscious, and conscious. The unconscious is how you breathe automatically, digest, blink, and the like. The subconscious mind is where beliefs, values, habits, and memories live. You can access them, but doing so requires a conscious act. The conscious mind is how you engage with the world within and the world without, here and now.

Mindfulness is how you can access the conscious mind, which is how you access your subconscious mind. But it’s also how you do everything that you do. Hence mindfulness isn’t about the mind alone.

You are physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual          

Every person on Planet Earth has four elements that define them. These are the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Body, mind, emotion, and soul, if you will. All of these make up the greater whole of everyone and our overall health, wellness, and wellbeing.

The three levels of thought – unconscious, subconscious, and conscious, work in concert all the time.

We are best able to be our most connected selves on every level, here and now, when the elements of our health, wellness, and wellbeing are balanced.

This is why mindfulness isn’t just about the mind.

Mindfulness and health, wellness, and wellbeing

Since everything begins with thought, applied conscious awareness makes perfect sense. After all, if you aren’t clearly aware of your thoughts, all else will gets muddled.

This is why mindfulness isn’t just about the mind. It is also about the body, the soul, and everything else that goes into making you, you. Without active conscious awareness, you cede control. Mindfulness applies to the body and soul because neither can function without the mind.

The sum total of you can be controlled by you via active conscious awareness, here and now. That is mindfulness in action.

Why does being present matter?

Here and now, right this moment, in the present, you can choose who, what, where, how, and why you are.

Mindfulness is your superpower

Via mindfulness and control of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions, you can be, have, or do anything.

Mindfulness, active conscious awareness, is the initiating thought that leads to being the best you that you can be.

Mindfulness isn’t just about the mind. The whole body is impacted by active conscious awareness practice. That superpower is how you can be virtually anything you desire to be. Via mindfulness, you can recognize your options and make conscious, active choices about what paths to walk - or not - to the desired end.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Let’s use mindfulness to check in with your body and spirit, rather than your mind. However, this does begin with your mind, since it starts with thought.

Give yourself at least 5 minutes to do this. Begin with one minute of deep breathing in and out to center yourself, and be as calm and present as possible.

That done, ask these questions, here and now. You can choose to write them down or not.

·        Is my stomach calm, churning, or otherwise unsettled?

·        Is my heart beating slow or fast?

·        Do I have any pain anywhere in my body?

·        Am I experiencing any sense of loss, confusion, uncertainty, or the like?

·        Do I feel like I’m in control of my life?

Yes, all of these originate in thought and the mind, but they focus on and address the body and spirit. Similar questions can be asked that can also produce mindfulness of your body and spirit, specifically.

Use this tool to better know yourself in all possible ways.

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Two of the most distressing things that dominate our society are the expectations of others and the “shoulds.”

Early in our lives, before we’re even scientifically capable of self-awareness, our parents and other family members guide us. Eventually, it moves from guidance to direction.

We accept that the expectations of others, personal or impersonal, when not met, make us outcasts. Add to this all the “shoulds” presented along the way, and we bend, twist, and reshape ourselves to fit a given mold. We wear masks in public that can prove difficult to remove in private.

Start with recognition and acknowledgment

Before you begin any work to break out of this mold, it’s very, very important to understand one thing. Nobody is at fault or to blame for this.

What’s more, placing blame or seeing fault does nothing for you. That’s because placing blame and fault displaces feelings and emotions. Why? Because even if you can place blame or fault, does that change anything? No.

Only you can get to know the real you. That’s because you’re the only in in your head, heart, and soul. That begins and ends within you.

Learn self-awareness to be yourself

Nobody lives in a bubble. You should have some awareness of the people, places, and things around you. This applies to both the direct and indirect. However, you don’t need to be utterly bombarded and inundated with this info.

The key to being yourself is self-awareness. This is right in front of you and readily accessible to you. Yet nobody teaches you this for all sorts of reasons. Largely because one-size-fits-all for this can’t be easily applied.

To be actively consciously aware, all you must do is be here, fully present, and in the now. Then ask,

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What do I intend?

·        What am I doing?

This active, conscious awareness is mindfulness. To be mindful of yourself is to be yourself.

Mindfulness, conscious self-awareness, and yourself

Everyone has both a conscious and subconscious mind. Your subconscious is where your beliefs, values, memories, and habits live. Your conscious mind is where you actively think about things.

Making a regular practice of active conscious awareness – mindfulness – tells you who, what, where, how, and why you are. That is how you be yourself.

Mindfulness is how you can be yourself. Because when you know, consciously, what you think, feel, intend, and do, you are capable of choosing to be who, what, where, how, and why you desire to be.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Are you being yourself?

For some people that’s not an easy question to answer. Let’s see what we can do to help with that.

This will require at least 5 minutes of uninterrupted time. Sit at a computer or write in a journal everything that comes to mind when you ask these questions:

·        Who am I?

·        What am I?

·        Why am I?

·        How am I?

Give yourself 1-2 minutes to answer each question. Once you’ve written this down, read it. Do these answers reflect you being yourself, or who you believe others expect you to be?

Another step to take, if the answers don’t suit you, is to work out what you can do to change them. Write that down, too.

When done, does it feel like you know yourself better?

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Consumption isn’t only about food and drink. It’s also about what you watch, read, listen to, see, and take in.

Ours is the ultimate consumer society. Overall, people can connect, communicate, learn, and consume vast amounts of anything you can conceive of, tangible or intangible. Despite all the news and information about so many negatives, the world isn’t a dangerous place on the brink of self-destruction

Junk food for the mind, body, and soul is too readily available

Lack of mindfulness of what we consume is how we wind up consuming a lot of junk food for the mind. This is not just food and drink, it’s everything. News, information, entertainment, advertising, religion, government, take your pick.

Whether it’s to eat a cookie or an apple or watch kitten videos on YouTube or propaganda-spewing influencers, you have a choice. What you eat and what you watch will impact your health, wellness, and overall wellbeing. This will be true of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual self.

How do you be mindful of everything you consume?

All mindfulness on every level begins with the same thing. It’s active conscious awareness.

To engage mindfulness, all you need to do is ask and answer any of these questions, here and now:

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What do I intend?

·        What am I doing?

These can only genuinely be answered in the moment. Asked of the past or the future, you can’t know or trust the answers. That’s because the past has bias and experiential pitfalls while the future is uncertain and unknown.

To be mindful of what you consume, you need to ask questions, here and now, like,

·        Why or why not consume this news/food/drink/information?

·        Will consuming this make me feel good or feel bad?

·        Is this consumable good for me or bad for me?

·        What value, if any, is in this consumable?

These and questions like them, asked and answered here and now, tell you if what you’re about to consume is helpful or harmful.

What does it take to be mindful of what you consume?

Awareness. Recognition. Acknowledgment. Action. First, awareness that you can choose what you consume, Then, you can recognize what those choices are. After that, acknowledge them as above and how they’ll impact your health, wellness, and wellbeing. Finally, act on it. Make mindful choices about what you’re consuming.

When it comes to what you consume, more mindfulness of it allows you to choose healthy versus unhealthy options, whether they’ll impact you physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or all the above.

This empowers you to take the control that is your right for how to live your life.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

At least once a day, for the next week, be mindful of what you consume. Write down these questions and ask them before you consume food, drink, information, social media, or the like.

·        Why or why not consume this news/food/drink/information?

·        Will consuming this make me feel good or feel bad?

·        Is this consumable good for me or bad for me?

·        What value, if any, is in this consumable?

If possible, write the answers down immediately. Otherwise, write them down when you can (within the same day, please).

Does this make you feel more aware of what you’re consuming?

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I recently had to deal with such a situation with the publishing of my latest book. My initial, visceral reaction to what went wrong was anger, and a desire to curse, scream, lash out, and rail against the Universe. But that was only the immediate, visceral reaction I had. What good would any of that do me?

Pause, reflect, redirect

I stopped and took a deep breath. Okay, this is upsetting, annoying, disappointing, and frustrating. All true and all, I think, justifiable. But now I have a choice in front of me.

React in a useless but potentially releasing way. Shout, curse out my luck, blame myself for failing, get angry, and generally let this negatively impact me, my day, my weekend, or however long I choose.

- Or –

I can acknowledge that this sucks and ask, “What the what?” Then take whatever action is available to me to resolve this problem.

Admittedly there’s a third option, too. Do nothing, walk away, ignore it for now. While there are certainly times, happenings, and circumstances where that might serve – this is a form of inaction. I believed that action of some sort was my best course to choose.

Getting angry and reacting by screaming about it and cursing everything and everyone out gets me nowhere. Knowing that, I made all my choices for how I’d respond with a positive approach.

What you do next is always a choice

Your visceral initial reaction to things that happen is automated. Some things that happen will make you squee with excitement and joy. Other things that happen will make you scream, curse, and throw a temper tantrum. Then there are the reactions that fall between these extremes but are no less automated.

Immediately or near-immediately after your visceral reaction, you have a choice. Respond with continued anger or continued joy?

What if you make the wrong choice for what you do next?

This has paralyzed lots of people along the way. What if I choose wrong? What if how I respond does me no good?

Frankly, unless this is a life-or-death choice, it’s always changeable. If you choose wrong, and you’re still here, you can choose again.

How you respond in-depth is always a choice that can potentially disempower or empower you. Wouldn’t you prefer to feel empowered over feeling disempowered by how you respond?

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This might not be immediately applicable.

When something unexpected happens, unless you’re incapacitated, please write it down, as well as how it made you think and feel in the moment when it happened. Be as detailed as you can.

Now that some time has passed since the initial reaction, what do you desire to do next? Look at what happened, how you reacted to it, and where you are now.

Write down at least 5 positive steps you can take next, as well as 5 negative steps you can take next. Please note, this can only be things that YOU can do. Also, they can impact only your life experience, because you can’t change anyone else’s.

When you’re done, read what you’ve got. Which of the options do you desire to pursue?

This is all about what’s next after an initial, visceral reaction to something happening to you. The main purpose is to affirm that any and all choice related to it belongs to you, and you alone.

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The holiday season has begun. This can be extremely difficult for many, stirring up a host of wildly different emotions.

How we feel the emotions we feel differs. Feelings have both a how and why to them. Depth, sensation, the actual way in which we feel things varies from person to person. This boils down to every single emotion because we’re all individuals.

However, the similarities in what these emotions are shouldn’t be ignored or disregarded. And, further, nobody’s emotions and how/what of feelings are greater or lesser than anyone else’s.

Empathy is for everyone

Empathy seldom stands alone. It frequently tags along with kindness and compassion.

The world we live in today is rocked by so much fear, and so many messages of scarcity and lack. Apart from more accountability, the one thing that I think would be of tremendous help to the world would be more empathy.

Empathy allows you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. This is where some confuse this for sympathy. I can best describe it thus: sympathy is saying, “Wow, I’m so sorry you are going through that,” whereas empathy is saying, “I see how you’re feeling, and I desire to understand your feelings.”

Gaining understanding

Empathy is understanding, and I think we need a lot more of that in this world.

Feeling empathy towards other people is how we build bridges and create the best world we can. Empathy is where we can see that this is a world of abundance with room for more prosperity and good for everyone.

When you see the terrible things happening in the world at large, consider your response. Can you empathize with people who are suffering? I think that if we find and feel more empathy, we can do a whole lot more to make this world a better place for everyone.

But first, we must empathize with ourselves.

Empathy for health, wellness, and wellbeing

Human beings have 4 elements to their health: mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. If one is out of balance, they all tend to be unbalanced.

When you apply empathy to yourself you become more empowered. That can be more readily turned outward. Before you know it, you can be more empathetic towards others.

Mindfulness is key to empathy, as well as kindness and compassion.

You’re worthy and deserving of empathy. Experiencing optimum health, wellness, and wellbeing is right for all.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This one might be a challenge if everyone around you is largely okay. So it might not be immediately applicable.

If someone you know is suffering in any way – can you put yourself in their shoes? Can you imagine in your mind’s eye what they’re thinking and feeling? From there, can you picture what it would be like to be going through whatever they’re going through – even if it’s something you disagree with or take issue with in any way?

Write this down. However, write it down as if you are that person. “I’m thinking about ‘x’” and “I’m feeling ‘y’” and the like, in first person.

Read what you wrote down. How does this make you feel?

This is a way to practice empathy. However, please note – empathy in no way means you can help another that doesn’t want help. It gives you a perspective that can be applied to others and yourself, which can lead to more kindness and compassion all around.

The world can never have too much kindness, compassion, and empathy.

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When it comes to choices you do or don’t make, your mindset will set up your outcome, at least to a degree. It’s imperfect, but that’s the nature of the Universe. When you go into a situation expecting a negative outcome, you’re very likely to get it.

Shouldn’t that mean if you go into a situation expecting a positive outcome, you’re very likely to get it? Yes, but not exactly. That’s due to the unpredictable nature of the Universe.

Mindset and competition

When you have a mindset that you’re going to lose, it’s not much of a stretch to call yourself a loser. Then, before you know it, you’re expecting shit to go wrong, problems, failures, and you set it all up to go precisely that way.

Of course, this can be reversed. When you have a mindset that you’re going to win, it’s not much of a stretch to call yourself a winner, develop confidence, find possibilities, potential, and set yourself up to grow, evolve, and take control of your self.

Mindset matters in everything we choose to do

We have control over very little in the Universe. Most, if not all of it, is within ourselves.

Specifically, we control our thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. Doesn’t seem like very much, does it? The truth, however, is that it’s everything.

Thought + Feeling + Intent + Action = A creation!

Mindset enters into this if you stop and question the validity of the process, or if someone else causes you to question it in some way.

Only three things are guaranteed and true for everybody. Birth, life, and death. Everyone is born, everyone lives, and everyone dies.

Mindset matters to mindfulness and control

When you engage in active conscious awareness – mindfulness – you open yourself to assuming control of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. When all is said and done, that control is pretty much the only control you really, truly, have in life.

Mindset isn’t permanent. You can control it, choose it, and change it as necessary. This ultimately empowers you.

If you’re having a bad day, mindset will show you if this will be the whole day, or if you can act to change it. That’s why mindset matters with everything you choose to do.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Let’s apply mindfulness to check on your present mindset.

Take 5 minutes and put yourself somewhere that you’ll be uninterrupted. Take a deep, deep breath in, hold for a two-count, then let it out. Repeat twice.

Write down these questions and their answers:

·        Right now, what are you thinking? Is it positive or negative?

·        Right now, what are you feeling? Is it positive or negative?

·        Right now, how are you feeling? Is it positive or negative?

·        Right now, has your day been positive, negative, or neutral?

If 2 of 4 are negative, you’re likely in a neutral mindset (also if the answer to the last is neutral). You might need to check if you’re applying active conscious awareness or living subconsciously by rote, routine, and habit.

If 3 or more are negative, you’re likely living in a negative mindset. Ask why your answers were negative to get insight into changes to make.

If 3 or more are positive, you’re living in a positive mindset.  How empowered are you feeling recognizing and acknowledging this?

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Absolutely, yes. But not everyone chooses to actively reduce and separate themselves from overwhelm.

Human beings were not designed to have overwhelm be our default. But here we are.

Everywhere you turn, someone is trying to sell you something. Then, we’re being pulled every which way by friends, family, so-called leaders, influencers, and total strangers with a virtual bully pulpit of one form or another.

We don’t recognize the danger

The major downside to the instant, constant connectivity of our smartphones, the bombardment of messages in our environments, coupled with the need for acceptance and human interaction is a potent brew that, unchecked, ferments to overwhelm.

According to Gallup, as of 2022, 72% of people have their mobile phone with them when they sleep. And 64% of people check it first thing in the morning, whether it was with them in the night or not.

We’ve been increasingly indoctrinated to not recognize the danger. We just accept half a dozen billboards back-to-back-to-back, advertising on busses, music in bars and restaurants, and the propaganda of the “new normal”, until we’re so overwhelmed that we lose perspective, lose awareness, and have no idea how we got here.

You can recognize overwhelm in yourself

The only person in your head, heart, and soul, is you. Nobody else can think, feel, intend, or act for you. If you don’t work it, nobody else can or will.

When you stop and consider all the data you are absorbing daily – passively and actively, subconsciously and consciously – it becomes apparent that it’s a lot.

But you can recognize this. That, then, empowers you to do something about it.

The choice is yours

You live in this world with all the messages constantly scrabbling for your attention. Thus, you get to decide if you allow them to reach you, impact you, and sink into your psyche passively or actively, subconsciously or consciously.

The choice in this is whether you allow it to settle in and be your norm. Or not. You can mindfully take steps and various actions to reduce, lessen, and fix the impact of overwhelm. But it’s not passive, it’s only achievable via active choices.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Overwhelm reduction tools

Each of these can help you reduce overwhelm in your life. I’ve employed all of these myself and found them to be quite helpful.

Put away your smartphone

Put your smartphone/tablet/laptop down and walk away.

Go to nature or out on the water

Go somewhere without the constant advertisements and messages.

Journal therapy

Journal. Write down what’s overwhelming you.

The vessel of overwhelm

A visualization tool my therapist taught me.

Find a place you can have privacy for at least 5 minutes. Take a deep breath. Visualize a container of some sort.

Visualize opening the container. Once it’s open, take everything that’s currently having an impact on you – mentally, emotionally, physically, and/or spiritually – and place it, item by item, in the vessel. Take all the pains, fears, discomforts, annoyances, and all else you don’t desire to deal with now, or that you recognize you have zero control over, and put it in the vessel.

Once done, seal it up. Feel free to visualize locking it tight, placing it in a safe, or otherwise setting it somewhere secure and away. Take a few deep breaths in and out, staying with the visual of those things you removed and placed in the vessel. Welcome back. How do you feel?

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I have an amazing life. And for that, I have tremendous gratitude.

Gratitude is something we easily take for granted. That’s not anyone’s fault, per se. But when you live in a mass-consumption, consumer-driven, fear-based society, gratitude is easy to shunt away and take for granted.

By having gratitude for what you already have, you can get what you desire. However, having and expressing gratitude for all you already have alters your desire in positive ways.

Gratitude and mindfulness

Mindfulness – as I define it – is active conscious awareness of your inner being. It’s achieved by a combination of sensory input (via your 6 senses) and knowing – in the present, here and now:

·        What you’re thinking

·        How and what you’re feeling

·        What your intentions are

·        What actions you are or aren’t taking

Being consciously aware of these makes you mindful. And it tells you, right now, who, what, where, how, and why you are.

When you’re present and actively consciously aware, you can recognize what you do have. Material and immaterial, mindfulness opens the door to look and see what you have for your life.

With this awareness, you can offer thanks and practice gratitude for those things.

Why is that important? Because if you’re not grateful, how do you expect to change anything or get anything new?

Thinking, feeling, and saying “thank you” builds bridges

When you practice mindfulness, you’re creating inner self-awareness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. That active, conscious self-awareness in the now makes you wholly present. Once you gain mindfulness within, you can look at the intangibles you have. Your emotions become clearer.

Then, you can turn your head, heart, and soul to your outer world. With a clear perception, you can see the things you have, the people in your life, and the good therein. When you see this from such a clear, mindful perspective, it’s apparent the good you have.

Gratitude also shows you – and the Universe – if your desire is genuine or based on consumerism. When you’re grateful for what you have, what you need – really need – becomes clearer and easier to get. Ergo – yes, gratitude for what you have can get you what you genuinely desire.

And there is never, ever such a thing as too much gratitude.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Every day for the next week, at the end of your day, write out 5 things you’re grateful for.

These can be either tangible or intangible. They can be big or small, significant or insignificant – it doesn’t matter. Seek, find, and choose 5 things (people, places, whatever) for which you have gratitude.

When you’re writing this out, please do so in this manner:

“I am so very grateful that I have *insert tangible or intangible person, place, thing, or whatever* in my life.”

Then, read each one, aloud, three times. Don’t just read the words, feel the gratitude. Say “thank you” aloud after the third time reading them.

After a week of this practice, see how it makes you feel. Do you feel the empowerment that gratitude creates?

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The quest to find the meaning of life has occupied the human mind for most of recorded history. Why are we here? What are we doing? What’s the answer to the question of life, the Universe, and Everything? (That one we know – it’s 42).

It’s easy to argue that philosophy, religion, and science are all on the exact same quest – to discover the meaning of life. Each has their own approach to the question.

I believe that the answer to the meaning of life is quite possibly the simplest thing ever. Without further ado – what if the answer to the meaning of life is this:

TO LIVE.

How can it possibly be that simple?

Here are the reasons why I make this claim.

First – how many people do you know that don’t genuinely live their lives?

Secondly – how do you feel when you are acting intentionally

Thirdly – We are all energy. Why transmute from pure energy to a body if not for one reason – TO LIVE?

Lastly – Occam’s Razor. The idea of Occam’s Razor is that when presented with multiple possible answers, the simplest is usually the correct answer.

Shouldn’t the answer to the meaning of life be deep and complicated?

The idea that the meaning of life is abstract, deep, and complicated has led to discourse, disagreement, argument, violence, and ultimately to war.

Rejecting simplicity is human nature. While knowledge is certainly power, and better than ignorance, it comes with a price. The loss of innocence.

There are necessary complexities. It takes time, study, will, desire, and training to learn skills like medicine, piloting, and electrical work.

We add all sorts of unnecessary elements to our lives – often in the hope that it gives us a deeper sense of meaning. If I have it all, won’t I better know the meaning of life?

Mindfulness to recognize the meaning of life

Active conscious awareness is not about what’s in the world around you. This is about your inner being. It’s current, present awareness of your conscious mindset/headspace/psyche self.

When it comes to the meaning of life, mindfulness informs you if you’re merely surviving and existing or living and experiencing. Are you making choices and decisions to learn, grow, see, do, feel, and experience all the potential, possibilities, and wonders of this life?

This is not about grand and glorious purpose. It’s about the choices we make daily. Rather than make ourselves crazy seeking challenging answers to the meaning of life, isn’t it entirely possible it’s simply to live?

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is this – go live.

Do something that gives you a new experience, teaches you something new, and exposes you to potential and possibilities you’ve never been exposed to before.

Visit that place near or far, read that book, make that call, sign up for that class or experience – just make the choice to do something not rote, routine, or otherwise the regular in your day-to-day experience.

Don’t do something idiot or unsafe – but don’t utterly avoid risk, either. Accept that acting to live like this might cause you mental, emotional, or spiritual pain (more likely than physical pain).

After you’ve done this thing – or even made the appointment or took the first step to do this thing – write down what it is, why you desire to do it, and how it makes you feel. Note especially how alive and connected it makes you feel.

Does it make you desire to do more things and experience what it’s like to live?

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Do you like yourself? Be honest.

Let’s take this a step further. Do you love yourself? This might bring up questions of conceit, arrogance, narcissism, and so on. But self-love is not any of these things. It’s about treating yourself how you would prefer that others treat you.

Many of us put ourselves last.

The journey of a thousand miles…

Your health, wellness, and wellbeing will fluctuate over your lifetime. Multiple factors will impact them. These will be tangible and intangible, and further variable with time and experience.

This means something that threw you off or made you ill yesterday could empower you and make you stronger today.

Ceding all your power to anyone is pointless. Know why? Because nobody but you can be you. The only person that occupies your head, heart, and soul is you.

What does it mean to care for yourself?

Nearly everything related to self-care in our culture is focused on the physical. Diet, exercise, body modification, buying things – all ties to our physical selves. But the physical is only a quarter of our total self.

Mental, emotional, and spiritual health gets too little attention and respect. They’re treated like an unwanted child of our health, wellness, and wellbeing. Whole generations and marginalized communities see therapy and mental health care as taboo.

Most of your mental health is rooted in your subconscious. There, seated amidst your beliefs, values, and habits, the base of your mental, emotional, and spiritual self exists.

You’re the whole package

Self-care must address all of you.

You should be mindful of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. This can be done by practicing active conscious awareness. This is done by asking:

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        Why am I doing (or not doing) this, that, or the other thing?

·        What are my intentions?

Each of these puts you in touch with the intangible elements of your health, wellness, and wellbeing.

That’s where caring for yourself starts.

Why should you care for yourself?

I think that I’ve figured out the meaning of life. It’s so simple that it feels too simple to be true. But that’s why I’m convinced it is - To live.

If you’re listening to this, you probably live a largely comfortable life.

When you care for yourself, you give yourself the power to make more choices and decisions. That is empowerment, and that’s how you can optimize all that you do.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Do one thing – for at least 5 minutes – for you, and only you.

Read, meditate, take a walk, eat a treat, take a nap, turn off your phone, get a massage, watch something that makes you laugh, blast your radio, take a drive, or whatever. Do something that feels good and is for you alone.

Immediately after your activity is done, write down (or type) what you did, why you chose to do it, and how it made you feel.

Do this at least once a day, every day, for a week. See how that impacts your overall health, wellness, and wellbeing.

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When it comes to finding the best ways to complicate my life, I’m an expert.

This tends to come from overthinking things, overanalyzing, self-doubt, uncertainty, fear, and similar factors. However, no matter what the factor is – it all comes down to me.

Nobody but me is in my head, heart, or soul. Thus, nobody but me can determine what works or doesn’t work for me. When it comes to my life and any changes I desire to make to it – I alone can choose those.

More complexity doesn’t mean better. Sometimes simple really is the answer. I’ve learned this through 30+ years of fencing.

Working to change your life is never one-and-done

The truth is that there is no one-time-only change that you can make for your life. Or rather, you can’t sustain your life on a single change.

That’s because change is constant. The only constant in the Universe. Change can, will, and does occur all the time. And most of it is not yours to control.

But there is change you can control – that’s your approach to life, the universe, and everything. Your life, your reality, can be altered by choice by you. And that’s through conscious awareness. In other words, mindfulness.

Mindfulness is easy

Being actively consciously aware is easy. All you need to do is focus on being present, here and now.

Then, to gain mindfulness of your life, ask questions answerable only here and now, like,

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What am I doing?

·        What are my intentions?

These questions can only be answered in the now. Thus, they make you actively consciously aware/mindful.

Changing your life – depending on where you’re starting from – can look incredibly difficult. But does it need to be? No. It’s only as difficult as you choose to make it.

Change your life step by step

Changing your life will take time. Recognizing and accepting this is super important.

Chunking it down – when it comes to changing your life – is a matter of not just focusing on the end goal, but stepping stones along the way. You must take steps to get from where you are to where you desire to be.

But it really is that easy. You don’t need to overanalyze every idea, just start taking steps. As Lao Tzu said,

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

If you’re working on changing your life, take at least one small step every day. It might simply be altering how you approach things, your self-talk, or general thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. Keep it simple. That’s all you need.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Change something today.

Change your bedtime, when you wake up, your toothpaste, your morning routine, a route you regularly drive, how you prepare your tea or coffee, how you part your hair – anything small and relatively easy to change.

Then, change one thing tomorrow.

Note – nothing that you change must be changed permanently. This exercise is designed to make change more familiar and something that you can control.

This also helps show how big changes can start small.

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This is a massively loaded question. Who you are can vary depending on the time of day, the company you’re keeping, your mood, and numerous other factors.

The short answer is that you are you. No matter what happens, the only one in your head, heart, and soul is you.

Yet being yourself can be challenging because of the need to be accepted. The truth is that you are always yourself. And you should be yourself because you can’t be anyone else.

Ever wonder what the world would look like if you – and everyone – could just be yourself?

Kindness, compassion, and empathy matter

In the United States, over the past decade or so, you’ve probably noticed a trend. Certain people, claiming liberties, rights, privileges, and the like – in the name of being themselves – have been utter dicks to everyone else.

That’s because a key element of being yourself gets ignored. And that’s kindness, compassion, and empathy.

You have a choice. But consider this – do you desire to receive kindness, compassion, and empathy from others?

Being yourself means being true to yourself

Have you ever created a version of yourself that you presented to one group or person but not another? And has that identity been difficult to maintain because – though created to gain acceptance by another – it wasn’t true to you?

That’s why being yourself means being true to yourself. It's the only way to really, truly, genuinely know and be you.

Being yourself is not a license to be a dick

There is a common thread to this – kindness, compassion, and empathy. Or a lack thereof.

You know right from wrong. Not the black and white variants, but the shades of greys and color between them. You know not to randomly murder people just because, not to shove every slow walker on the street before you out of the way, not to urinate on public sidewalks, and so on.

If you think something someone does makes them a dick – don’t emulate them. Don’t do what they do. Don’t be a dick.

It’s a surprisingly simple measure.

The world needs your unique self in it. Because even if the why isn’t entirely clear – that is why you are here. To be yourself - and all the good and bad, potential and possibilities - that comes with it.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

To know if you’re being yourself – right here and now, write down the following questions one at a time, with the present answer – before writing and answering the next question:

·        What am I thinking about right now?

·        What am I feeling right now?

·        How am I feeling now?

·        What’s my current intent?

·        What are my present actions?

This establishes in the present moment the basics for who you are. Based on this, write this question, and answer it immediately:

·        Am I being myself or being disingenuous to myself?

If the answer is yes – more power to you! If no – being mindful of this information gives you the control to change what you dislike and do what it takes to better be yourself.

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Though we tend not to talk about it in this way – COVID-19 changed the world.

Here we are - a few years after the pinnacle of the crisis - and find ourselves left with tons of paradoxes. For every good thing learned in the pandemic, a bad thing was learned, too.

Rather than address these things and use this as a growth opportunity, more often than not attempts are made to go back to how it was before. That has caused a largely ignored and unaddressed mental health crisis for nearly everyone.

That’s why – more likely than not – you’re feeling uncertain.

You are utterly not alone

I had high hopes that maybe, just maybe, we’d emerge on the other side of the pandemic with a new sense of ourselves.

We’d all have a better sense of self, of being self-empowered, and of having control of our life experiences. Choosing to quarantine ourselves, maintain social distance, and masking would open us to seeing how interconnected we all are.

Maybe I’m naïve, and maybe that was overly optimistic. But I’d thought we might just learn a thing or two we could carry forward.

When you are bombarded with conflicting info you can’t help but feel uncertain

Extremism was spotlighted during and immediately after the pandemic. Good and bad, extremes were highlighted as if they were directly in front of us all, in ways humanity has never experienced before.

Never before have we as a society had the technology for instant information. The immediacy of news and information gets used and abused to spread messages of fear, hate, distrust, and other negative emotions to make you and me uncertain.

When you get uncertain information poured over you like a never-ending waterfall, feeling uncertain will take root in your head, heart, and soul.

Why is nobody talking about this? Because uncertainty also says that talking about this could make you an outcast, pariah, or in some other way shunned.

Active conscious awareness

Everyone has at least passive beliefs, values, and habits. These exist in our subconscious minds. Many are rote, routine, or just accepted by us as being what’s what.

However, everyone also has a conscious mind. That is where you can be actively aware of the world around you, where you are, who is with you, what you are taking in, and so on.

But more importantly, your active conscious awareness makes you aware of yourself.

You are worthy and deserving of making choices and decisions that alleviate feeling uncertain.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This exercise should create mindful certainty in this moment.

Look around you. Choose an object you can reach to, take hold of, and look closely at.

Do that. Look at the object and really observe it. Examine, study, notice its imperfections, nuances, and whatever else you can.

Does the object cause you any thoughts or feelings? If so – what are they? Don’t overthink this – be here, present, and in the now with your thoughts.

Pause. Consider the object. Note how you can be certain that it is, that it’s in your hand. The physical presence of the object, here and now, is a certain thing.

Write down your final thoughts and feelings about this. What and how it makes you think and feel related to the certainty of its existence and being.

See if you can expand that out to other parts of your life.

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Nobody’s life is perfect.

That’s not the truth, though. The truth is that everyone’s life is perfectly imperfect.

Everyone makes mistakes. You, me, everyone. We all get it wrong, choose poorly, and hurt ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually.

On the other hand, everyone succeeds. You, me, everyone. We all get it right, choose wisely, and help/heal ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually.

Choices, options, decisions, opportunities, empowerment

We live in a society with rules and laws. On top of that, there are traditions, “norms”, and tried and true ways and means.

Small children play with passion and abandon. They try new things all the time. The world is full to overflowing with potential and possibilities.

Somewhere along the way, however, they get introduced to concepts like winning and losing, competition, right and wrong, morality, and more. Now, the potential and possibilities are curtailed by restrictions, money, expectations of others, and various other artifices.

Self-empowerment is something we all have. It’s how the perfectly imperfect is recognized and applied to control the elements of our lives that we can control.

Perfection is wildly variable

What to me is perfect to you might be an utter disaster. What you see as perfect I might see as imperfect. This is utterly natural – because that’s how the Universe works.

We are constantly striving for perfection. And when it eludes us, we suffer. Over and over we cycle through this. We are as variable as perfection. Thus, we sometimes chase, other times just exist, and sometimes embrace the imperfection of life. That’s human nature.

Mindfulness of perfection and imperfection

The mythical, elusive “they” prefer people to be merely existing and living largely subconsciously.

“They” suggest that the “perfection” of the world as we know it shouldn’t be questioned.

Nothing could be a bigger lie, frankly.

We can choose to change our lives. That might have challenges to it, open us to imperfection, and be scary. But we have the power – we just need to choose and decide to take it.

Embracing our perfectly imperfect lives can show us a world of potential and possibilities waiting to become our reality. We just need to choose for ourselves what that is, in the present.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This can either be applied to an existing project or a future one.

Take something you’ve been putting off because you wanted to get it perfect or were waiting for an appropriate time. Whether it’s writing a chapter, creating a poem, building a website, creating a photo album, cleaning a room, or whatever.

Stop waiting for the “perfect” circumstance and do it.

Clean the room, write the chapter, paint the wall, build the website – just do it. Done is better than perfect. What’s more, perfect is in the eye of the beholder. Waiting for the perfect time, circumstance, or whatever becomes procrastination.

So, big or small – just do the thing. Get it done. Because done and perfectly imperfect is better than not done.

Note how finally getting that thing done feels.

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My family largely doesn’t get me.

They love me, I know that. But they don’t get me.

What does that mean? I do things, take approaches to matters, and live in ways that cause them to scratch their heads, wonder how I can possibly be content or happy this way, and probably question my sanity.

To thine own self be true

I’ve spent a lot of time getting to know myself.

Beyond getting to know myself, I’ve spent a lot of time learning to like and even love myself. Not in a conceited way – but in a healthy, self-caring, self-worth way.

I had to make a choice. Live my life for me or for them. No disrespect to the people who share my heart – but I had to live for me.

I get me, you get you

A conversation with my wife – the person other than me who most gets me – sparked this topic. Because I realized we have another shared commonality between us that we’d not recognized or voiced before.

My family doesn’t get me. Her family doesn’t get her.

The realization of this – in context – is new. But it prompted me to ask this question – when the people who share my heart don’t get me, how do I handle this?

The answer has been to continue to get myself. I keep working on being consciously aware – mindful – of who, what, where, how, and why I am.

And rather than try to be who they believe I am or should be – I will love them and keep being me, even if they don’t get me.

That’s because they don’t need to get me. Just like I don’t need to get them. Or you.

You don’t need to get me. You need only to get yourself.

Choosing your life paths

Recognizing and acknowledging that the people who share my heart – my family – don’t get me, could be seen as a negative.

I can only be me, and I can’t think or feel for anyone else. It’s not a negative that the people who share my heart don’t get me – it simply is.

Recognizing and acknowledging this has allowed me to embrace my eccentric, weird, geeky self. Rather than keep striving to be someone I’m not, I’m striving to be me. The genuine, authentic, true me that I am.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

A huge part of getting yourself is being actively consciously aware – mindful – of yourself.

To that end, take this moment to pause. Answer this simple question, right at this moment.

What are you doing?

Not the overarching goal of your current actions (or things you're putting off, or whatever). I mean right now, asking this question, what are you doing?

For example – I’m sitting at my desk, recording this podcast.

When you have your answer, I’d like you to reframe it like I’m reframing this.

“I’m a human being, sitting at my desk, recording my podcast.”

Think about that statement. And with that, how do you feel when you say it aloud?

Several times a day for the next week, try this out.

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You’ve had both good days and bad days in your life. Like it or not, life has had its ups and downs.

Nobody ever experiences just one emotion or feeling. And that’s a good thing.

Why? Because you need to experience it all. That’s part of living life.

Life is made up of many a paradox and uncountable extremes. But most of life occurs somewhere between any given extremes.

Change is a constant inconstant

You have experienced change in one form or another all your life. If you’re no longer a child, you’ve changed your body shape, size, hairiness, and more as you aged. What thrilled and motivated you when you were 10 has likely changed – or at least changed in perspective.

Change has been with you and a part of you and your life all the time. Change is the one and only constant in the Universe. It is always happening and can’t be stopped.

You can choose how it impacts you. Sometimes you can shift it, alter it, avoid it to a degree, and even change it again. This is where the Buddhist ideal of impermanence is super helpful.

Feelings and emotions are in your control

This is another place where toxic positivity gets it all wrong. The implication that you can ignore, disregard, and put on blinders to all other feelings and emotions in favor of positivity is disingenuous.

Things happen that cause a visceral emotional reaction and/or feeling in you that, when it occurs, just is.

And it’s different for everyone.

That’s because the what of a feeling is different from the how. The what is the label and the how is the presentation. Mostly, the what is the feeling while the how is the emotion.

Life is in constant motion

One of my favorite quotes from Yoda says,

“Always in motion is the future.”

No matter what you plan – you have no control over what might occur. Random happenstance might utterly shock and surprise you. The feelings and emotions in that moment just are. And they occurred as part of life’s constant state of motion.

While you can choose your feelings and emotions, it’s only possible at this moment, in the here and now.

Recognizing and acknowledging the constant state of flux of feelings and emotions empowers you to use mindfulness for control in the present moment.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Here’s how to know what you’re thinking and what and how you’re feeling, right here and now.

You need to set aside 5 minutes.

Place yourself somewhere comfortable where you’ll be uninterrupted and undistracted.

Set a timer for 2 minutes.

Start the time. Take as deep a breath in as you can. Hold it for a silent 2 count, then exhale. Repeat until the timer goes off.

Ask yourself this question:

·        What am I thinking?

Think about it. Then write it down.

Now, ask yourself this question:

·        What am I feeling?

Think about it. Then write it down.

Finally, ask yourself this question:

·        How am I feeling?

Think about it. Then write it down.

Look over what you’ve written. You are aware of your thoughts and feelings in this moment. This moment is the only moment you can truly, genuinely be self-aware. What has this taught you?

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Thinky-thoughts originate in the subconscious, usually attached to memory. Another form of thinky-thoughts is not based in subconscious memory, but on your beliefs, values, and habits.

Brain weasels, squirrels in the brain, and the like are chittering voices that will tell you how much you suck, what you’re not good at, and all sorts of similar things that aren’t true. They usually are the spawn of your comfort-desiring ego and often reflect the voices of sometimes well-intentioned friends and loved ones.

Passive conscious awareness

Everyone is of three minds. One that’s unconscious, one that’s subconscious, and one that’s conscious.

The unconscious mind is purely automated functions of your body.

The subconscious mind is almost entirely run by rote and routine.

The conscious mind is your conscious awareness of yourself.

The conscious mind can be both passive and active. The passive is when you are aware of yourself and your surroundings – but not doing anything to actively engage.

The active is when you practice mindfulness. It’s asking questions about what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, what you intend, and what you are or aren’t doing.

Passive conscious awareness is where thinky-thoughts live. Because while they originate in the subconscious via memory, belief, value, and/or habit – they can only be engaged by the conscious mind.

Thinky-thoughts are the road not taken and other uncertainties

Thinky-thoughts might originate in the subconscious with memory, belief, value, and habit. But they’re not necessarily focused on the past. They can also be placed in the present and the future.

They tend to go deep – hence why I call them thinky-thoughts.

What thinky-thoughts aren’t is the here and now. They’re what was, they are alternative notions of what is, and notions and ideas of what may be. But they’re not the present, the here and now, or your true reality.

The rodent thoughts of brain weasels most often chitter, squeak, and cause second-guessing, self-esteem issues, and a sense of unworthiness. They’re obnoxious, annoying, and unkind. And they are not yours – they are lying liars that lie.

Employing mindfulness

Active conscious awareness. That is genuine mindfulness.

Mindfulness is active conscious awareness both of your inner mindset/headspace/psyche self and the world around you. Rather than passive and wholly internalized, mindfulness uses your 6 senses to naturally engage and bridge the internal with the external.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Identifying thinky-thoughts vs brain weasels is easy to do via mindfulness.

Dealing with each takes the same process, though brain weasels are arguably easier to destroy since they are not your creation.

If you have any chittering, annoying notions floating about your mind, sharing doubt and uncertainty that you’re rather sure isn’t yours, those are brain weasels. If you have notions based in subconscious beliefs, values, and habits, or tied to memories – those are thinky-thoughts.

To deal with either, you just need to set-aside 5 minutes.

Spend 2 minutes deep breathing to centered.

Look at the brain-weasel or thinky-thought. Ask yourself:

·        How does this make me think?

·        How does this make me feel?

·        What does this make me feel?

·        Is it mine, or an outside influence?

Asking and answering these, here and now, tells you what you’re working with. And from there, more active conscious awareness – mindfulness – will let you make change to address, remove, or otherwise deal with these.

Repeat as necessary.     

Some of the things of this nature that I struggle with are tangibles.

The biggest is my health. But for many reasons, the primary reasons behind my weight issues, thus, are intangible.

This stems from the underlying struggles ranging from philosophical – who, what, where, how, and why am I; to societal and personal – am I good enough, will this make them like me more, will I be more acceptable to him/her/them if I’m another way, and so on.

Couple all that with ongoing mental and emotional struggles like depression, self-worth issues, self-value questions, and the like – and these things are many and easily overwhelming.

Logically, I know I’m not the only one who struggles with these things.

Everybody struggles with something

Tangible or intangible, everybody struggles.

Big or small, important and unimportant, everybody is struggling with things. And the reason is simple – because you’re human.

There are three absolute certainties of life for everybody. You’re born, you live, you die.

Ultimately, you and I are alone. And alone can lead to loneliness - which is why we seek connections with friends, family, strangers, and so on.

Recognizing, acknowledging, and embracing our struggles

Virtually every good or service you can buy is sold to you on the premise that it’ll lessen a given struggle.

When it comes to your health, wellness, and wellbeing – and struggles therein – it’s in you.

That doesn’t mean you have no choice but to go it alone. Lots of programs, books, medical professionals, therapists, videos, and more can offer insight, assistance, and help with this.

Embracing change, growth, and evolution

The one and only constant in the entire universe is change. It can, will, and does occur all the time.

This in and of itself can be deeply distressing to people. Things are a certain way, have felt to always be that certain way – and when they aren’t, uncertainty is disconcerting.

This is the source of probably almost – if not all - of our struggles, tangible and intangible.

We need to talk about this more

This gets shunted off to taboo, impropriety, and other notions of inappropriateness so that we don’t discuss it.

I believe that the more we recognize, acknowledge, and embrace our struggles to one another – the more we’re empowered to work with them, together and individually.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This week’s tool is super simple.

Do something extra kind and nice for yourself. One day this week, set aside time for yourself (and if it will feel good, include a loved one/loved ones). Treat yourself to an exotic desert, a delicious meal, a movie, a play, time in a hammock or on the beach, or something equally relaxing and pleasant.

No phone, no tablet, no connections to the outside world. Escape and do something that makes you feel good, content, and free of struggles. For however long you allow yourself – simply be in that space.

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The pursuit of happiness is a notion often repeated in stories both fictional and nonfictional, inspirational quotes, and from lots of sources you encounter frequently.

All advertising aims to sell you and me happiness. Buy these shoes, get that car, drink that soda, and happiness is yours for the low low price of your conscious awareness.

Because that’s what I think the ongoing, never-ending pursuit of happiness is distracting you and me from. Genuine, active, conscious awareness.

What if rather than happiness we’re pursuing conscious awareness?

Who is in your head, heart, and soul? You. Only you. And that means you’re the only one who can know your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Not only know but truly, genuinely be with. And beyond that? Change.

When you’re mindful you are empowered. That empowerment allows you to take control of your life experiences.

From there, you can do things that you think well of, that feel good, have the best of intentions, and are marked by actions you are content with and even proud of.

And that – when you get down to it – is happiness, right?

How is the pursuit of happiness a distraction?

When your team wins the prize, or your celebrity gets the coveted award – you’re happy for them. More than that, you feel as if their victory, their win, their happiness is yours, too.

But is it? Did you get the prize? Is your life in any way improved from the win? No.

Hence, you’re distracted by the game, celebrity, and pursuit of victory/happiness they are undertaking. Chances are you don’t think about yourself at all when you focus on the game, the celebrity trials and tribulations, and so on.

Happiness in and of itself is limited.

Why? Because you cannot always be happy. Sure, you can mostly be happy, and have a happy attitude – but being happy? That’s fleeting and impermanent.

Should it even be a pursuit?

Pursuit tends to evoke notions of escape, chase, competition, lack, scarcity, and insufficiency. What you are after is trying to get away or hard to find or you must get it before another, right?

This is simply not true. You and I live in an abundant universe. There’s not just enough – there’s more than enough.

You are here. That’s all you need to know to recognize that you’re worthy and deserving of conscious awareness, happiness, or any other good you desire to have in your life.

And you need not pursue it to have it. Because conscious awareness is already yours.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Do something that makes you happy once a day, every day, for the next week.

Don’t overanalyze it, don’t debate over and over – just do something that makes you happy – whether it’s big or small.

That means take a nap, eat ice cream, walk in later, have sex, read a book, or do anything at all that makes you happy.

Make a conscious effort to do something that makes you happy, that doesn’t require pursuit, great expense, or anything else. Act on it and do something to make you happy every day for the next week.

Write it all down. How do you feel? Does doing something that makes you happy every day feel empowering?

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The one and only constant in the Universe is change.

Change can, will, and does occur all the time. No two moments are the same. Alike, maybe, but the same? No. That’s how frequently change occurs.

You might not believe it. But because people tend to resist, combat, and overall won’t accept change and the reality of it – tons of conflict on many levels is the result.

A great deal of this is based on ignoring or denying the reality of change and impermanence.

You might not be familiar with impermanence – but it’s a useful notion to know.

What is impermanence?

Impermanence is defined by dictionary.com as:

Noun

the fact or quality of being temporary or short-lived.

Why is it good to recognize and embrace impermanence? Think of it this way – if the Universe is nearly 14 billion years old, the Earth is 4.5 billion years old, and the average human lifespan is 80 years – human life is distinctly impermanent.

During the span of your life, people, places, things, experiences, and everything else you can imagine will come and go. Good, bad, or otherwise – nothing lasts forever.

Embracing this truth can be empowering and massively positive because it opens you to better handling when things go badly.

Nobody at all has good days all the time.

Some of these seem bigger and more impactful than others. And they will be. That’s partially due to attachment and comfort zones.

Attachment is when you are unable and/or unwilling to let go of something. It might be seemingly small.

Comfort zones are places of extreme familiarity and the impression of stability that might not truly be comfortable.

Recognizing impermanence

Everything and everyone you know changes. It’s a constant, a given, a universal fact.

Slow or fast, change can, will, and does occur. All the time. Thus, nothing in your life – nothing you know, feel, believe, or value – is unchangeable.

That’s impermanence. And recognizing impermanence opens you to more easily roll with the punches in the face of change and its inevitability.

Why? Because since impermanence recognizes that everything everywhere changes – you empower yourself to be better able to work with and through change.

This is a positive notion because it means the bad, negative, unpleasant things that happen will pass.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This week’s tool requires you to let go of something.

Choose an item you have that doesn’t truly serve you. I don’t mean a useful tool, a special paperweight you got from your grandfather, or anything that you frequently recognize. Choose something you have but barely notice, often forget about or hasn’t been useful to you for some time.

Give it away. Don’t sell it, give it away. You can donate it somewhere or just randomly pass it to a stranger. If you can give away that item anonymously, do so.

Either give away 3 items on 3 different days this week or multiple items all at once. Release anything you’ve been at least partly attached to but aren’t anymore.

How does it feel to detach from this mostly useless thing? Will you remember giving it away in a week or two? This lesson in impermanence can be deeply freeing and empowering to you.

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The other day, I came to a stark realization. I needed to actively change.

As always, it’s a choice of approach and direction for you to make.

I am no longer aligned with the reality of my life when it comes to certain habits and beliefs.

Passive recognition and acceptance

My story.

On a personal level, I had become so comfortable in my friendships and how they worked – that I missed that they changed. They changed without me.

This is neither good nor bad. It’s just the truth. And it’s taken me quite a long time to recognize and acknowledge it and what it is.

Pre-pandemic, I had friends who were like family to me.

Through no fault, no mistakes, and no determinable thing – those friendships changed. That’s because we all changed – and those changes made us different enough that the once-close friendships shifted.

Recognizing when you need to change

Change happens. It’s the only constant in the universe. I am in no way blaming anyone or anything for this. And to anyone reading this who I consider a friend – you know I mean no disrespect, but you aren’t a close confidant of that nature.

But the major realization I’ve had is this - I have not let go of that comfort zone. What does that mean? It means I need to change. The illusion of the old friends who are like family, and close confidants, needs to give way to the true reality that is my life.

This is not a negative

I know that this might read as negative. But it’s not. I’m not lamenting a loss, blaming anyone or anything, or seeking sympathy. I’m sharing that I’m recognizing that while the reality of my life has changed – I need to change with it.

When I came to this realization, that the comfort zone of my friendships has changed – I felt elated. This didn’t create longing, sadness, or any negative emotion. I didn’t feel bad when I realized the nature of the friendships I have aren’t like older, but no longer close friendships. Instead, I felt free.

It was a relief to recognize and acknowledge this. The world changed, and the people I walk it with changed, too. The confusion caused by this false comfort zone has lifted. And that’s tremendous, empowering positivity for me.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This might not apply to you now but might be in the future.

Write out your answers.

Think about something that you did regularly a year ago. Maybe it was time spent with friends or family, a regular activity like going to a gym, or something of that nature. How do you remember it feeling?

Are you still doing it now? Is this activity what and how it was a year ago? If so – find another to analyze. If not – why not? What changed? Was it you or was it extenuating circumstances?

Now that you know it’s changed have you made changes to alter the impact this had on you and your life? If not – do you need to make changes, and if so – what does that look like?

This information goes a long way toward greater self-awareness and working with rather than against the inevitability of change.

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Where do you find the good in yourself?

The good in yourself is abundant. And that’s a reflection of the truth that you and I live in an abundant Universe. There is more than enough good to go around. Everyone deserves care, kindness, compassion, empathy, and love. Your true desire is along that line.

Mental health (emotional health and spiritual health, too) gets insufficient attention. But self-awareness depends on your knowledge of your health, wellness, and wellbeing.

And only you can recognize how that looks.

What is resistance?

To quote Pressfield directly,

“Resistance will tell you anything to keep you from doing your work. … If you take Resistance at its word, you deserve everything you get. Resistance is always lying and always full of shit.”

Resistance is a force that stands against your work to be your best self. It frequently manifests as procrastination, excuses, indecision, and anything and everything that keeps you from doing your work.

Resistance and mental health

Resistance is a product of the ego. The ego, as I envision it, is a construct between your subconscious and conscious self that you project to the world at large - but also reflect back to yourself.

From The War of Art,

“Our job in this life is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.”

To be who you are requires fighting Resistance. You’ve done it before – even if you didn’t call it this. As such – you can do it again.

This battle will bring up issues of self-awareness that directly impact your mental, emotional, and spiritual health, wellness, and wellbeing.

Fear again

Fear is often the most impactful isness on our conscious awareness. Yet it’s largely intangible.

One of the most recognizable elements of Resistance is fear.

Again, from The War of Art,

“Resistance is experienced as fear; the degree of fear equates to the strength of Resistance.”

“Fear doesn’t go away. The warrior and the artist live by the same code of necessity, which dictates that the battle must be fought anew every day.”

Do you recognize Resistance and how combatting it empowers you?

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Today we’re going to take something you need or desire to do and chunk it down as part of combatting Resistance.

Even if you don’t have something of this nature in front of you now, you can use this tool going forward.

Let’s put this into step.

1.      Identify the thing you need and/or desire to do

2.      What are its constituent parts?

3.      What needs to be done immediately, what can be delayed, and what can be put off?

4.      Set times to accomplish the individual elements

5.      Do the work

Chunking anything down that you face – even small things – can empower you to get them done with less resistance. By doing this, you beat Resistance – and that goes a long, long way towards improving your overall health – mental, emotional, spiritual, and even physical.

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Very rarely do you get to go from point ‘A’ to point 'B’ smoothly and obstacle free. And every time you come across challenges and obstacles in your life, you can give up, push through, or try another way.

That doesn’t always feel true. There are plenty of times when it feels like you’re stuck, trapped, and without recourse.

The trouble is, you always have choices – but they’re not always welcome, good, or desirable choices.

What is empowerment?

It’s too easy to take the meaning of being empowered as being given power by another.

Power given to you by anyone who is not you is artificial. Sure, there’s a degree of power to being a parent, a guardian, a boss, a teacher, and the like. But that’s not about power as much as it is about authority.

Empowerment is claiming your power to live your life on your terms. It’s never a one-time matter. You

Leaving it to random chance disempowers you

You can’t count on getting lucky when you allow random happenstance to decide your fate.

By not choosing, you cede your power to random chance, circumstance, or perhaps fate. But when you decide not to decide or choose not to choose – you are disempowered.

Choice is like any other muscle in your body. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. Hence, the more you actively choose - the more choices you find you can make.

Give up, push through, find another way?

I believe that every choice presents these options. No matter what the choice might be – these three options always exist.

Giving up is a choice.

Pushing through can be fraught with challenges.

Finding another way is the other option.

Right, wrong, and other constructs

When it comes to choices, it often feels like there’s a right choice and a wrong choice.

When you place these in universal moral fabrics – it’s easy to lose sight of what matters most when it comes to choices. But the constructs of the given extremes aren’t so important when all is said and done.

Choice, even in the face of obstacles, empowers you. When you’re empowered, you can help empower others. When more people are empowered – things improve for everyone. You always have a choice – even poor choices are still choices.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Is there an obstacle you have in your life presently?

Even if there isn’t, you can use this exercise to analyze your available choices.

Write down the issue/problem/obstacle.

Now, write and answer the following?

·        Should I give up? What will happen/be the consequence if I choose this?

·        Do I push through? What will happen/be the consequence if I choose this?

·        Can I find another way? What options are there? What will happen/be the consequence if I choose this?

This will not just provide clarity of your options/choices. It might help you decide what to choose and why to choose it.

Whatever you do – the choice is yours to make.

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Lots of people rue loneliness. Being alone sucks, they get frustrated when they haven’t got companionship, and this can be deeply upsetting and distracting on multiple levels.

But then, lots of people crave being alone. Being alone is comforting, they get frustrated when they don’t get alone time, and too little alone time can be deeply upsetting and distracting on multiple levels.

There is also a Goldilocks zone, if you will, between alone and not alone. Some people love having people around them but also cherish alone time. That’s how I work, for example.

Alone, in its purest form, is a feeling. An intangible.

Don’t mistake alone for lonely

Lots of people, lamenting being alone, mistake alone for lonely.

Lonely is a feeling, an emotion. And an unpleasant one. It’s rooted in your subconscious mind while stabbing at your conscious mind.

To me, lonely is a negative sensation comprised of sadness, fear, suffering, upset, and other emotions related to disconnection.

Lonely is intangible. Alone is both tangible and intangible. But you can be alone and not alone at the same time – and feel lonely either way.

Addressing loneliness itself – and all the emotions that go into it – can remove it. And that begins with mindful, active conscious awareness of it.

When alone devolves into feeling lonely – and that roots itself into your subconscious – you might start to believe you’re unworthy, unlovable, and deserve to be alone. That can do ugly, harmful, unpleasant things to your health, wellness, and wellbeing.

Mindfulness for recognition

To help see how you are not alone – even when you feel alone – you can practice active mindfulness.

Mindfulness is active conscious awareness.

Active conscious awareness involves asking questions that can only be answered here and now to become consciously aware. These questions include,

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What are my intentions?

·        What am I doing (or not)?

Each above question, by itself, makes you aware of your conscious mind, here and now. Once you become consciously aware, you gain insight and recognition of your mindset/headspace/psyche self. And you can better differentiate between alone and lonely.

Can you see how alone and not alone coexist because that’s the nature of the Universe, and they are not necessarily connected to feeling lonely?

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Today I’m sharing 5 steps you can take to help identify and differentiate between alone, not alone, and lonely.

Write down the following.

1.      Write down 5 situations where you desire and prefer to be alone

2.      Write down 5 times when you felt lonely – specifically, when the emotion/sensation of sadness, fear, suffering, upset, and the like attached to loneliness and felt as if they’d overwhelm you.

3.      Write down 5 situations where you desire and prefer not to be alone.

4.      Write down how being alone and being not alone – such as the answers to questions 1 and 3 – make feel. Write the specific emotions/sensations that produces.

5.      Here and now, be mindful of this, and take a minute or two to absorb the emotions/sensations above.

You will almost definitely have more than 5 answers for each – but chunking it down to this number can and will make it easier to work with and learn from.

Do you feel empowered when you see the choice inherent in being alone or not alone?

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When it comes to anything – and mostly everything – about your life, you always have choices. The vast majority are made automatically, by rote and routine. They become habits – which then embed themselves into your subconscious.

While less-desirable choices might be your only options – they are still options and thus choices to be made.

Even lesser choices made are better than none. Because the more you actively choose things for your life, the more empowered you are.

Why are choices empowering?

The way society works today, you are encouraged to live by rote and routine frequently.

Lots of the messages you receive tell you that you have no choices – or, worse, that choosing wrong will cause you pain and/or suffering. Hence, it often looks like making no choice would be better than making a wrong choice.

But not choosing disempowers you. Because you’ve ceded your ability to have control over a given situation.

You always have choices – and being mindful and actively consciously aware will show this to you.

Deciding not to decide is still a choice

Yes, you can look at the choices before you and see nothing but lousy or undesirable options. That could lead you to decide not to decide. And that, too, is a choice. Of a sort.

However – it disempowers you. Why? Because you’ve not made a choice and ceded what power and control you have to the ethers.

The power of choice is control.

The truth of almost all lack and scarcity is that it’s artificial. There’s almost always unlimited pie for everyone – and more.

Make choices and be empowered

Even a choice between the lesser of two evils is better made than unmade. That’s because making choices is the same as increasing muscle mass. The more you choose, the more choices you get.

Finally – you are worthy and deserving of the power of choice. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Choices empower you to direct your life and live with greater contentment and joy.

I don’t know about you, but I always feel stronger, better, and more in control of my life when I make choices than when I don’t.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This week’s tool uses the power of choice.

Use this superpower during the next week in any or all of the following ways:

·        When your partner or a friend/family member asks, “What do you want to do?” make the choice, rather than saying “Whatever” or telling them to choose.

·        When ordering food – choose within one minute of looking at the menu. Don’t overthink the choices – just choose.

·        Don’t hit snooze on your alarm – make the choice to get out of bed as soon as it goes off.

·        When faced with any other choices to make, don’t hesitate, don’t pass them off – choose, and do so decisively.

Recognize that you might get it wrong sometimes. But note how much better you feel when you are actively mindful and making choices. Also, note the sense of control this gives you.

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Trigger warning – this might be controversial, but I think it needs to be addressed.

Some people will do everything in their power to avoid their triggers. But this becomes problematic because avoiding triggers allows them to continue to trigger you.

Avoiding your triggers will leave them the ability to trigger you.

Life is seldom easy or painless

You can’t deny that sometimes life sucks. No matter how much you try to avoid or dodge this, you can’t.

You will experience pain. Mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical hurt cannot be avoided – unless you sequester yourself away from the world. And even then, there are no guarantees of safety.

Many of the awful things that happen won’t be your doing or your fault.

If you refuse to recognize and address what triggers you – you will always be the victim. And you cede control that would otherwise be yours.

Do you control triggers or do they control you?

The power to overcome something that triggers you is wholly, entirely, yours.

But this might appear impossibly difficult, painfully challenging, and utterly unfair. Truth it – it damned well might be.

So long as you avoid things that trigger you – they will always trigger you.

Accountability and mindfulness

The first aspect of dealing with triggers is being accountable for them.

That is NOT the same as taking blame or ascribing fault for them. What it is, instead, is recognizing and acknowledging them.

Once you’ve accepted and taken accountability for your trigger – now comes mindfulness.

Mindfulness is active, conscious awareness of what triggers you. Specifically, in the here and now. Because only in the now can you do anything to work out your triggers and take control over them.

When you do the work to address your triggers – and strive to take control over them – you’re empowered.

When you have triggers, they are not something to ignore or downplay. But how they impact you, and whether they will always control you is a choice. Knowing that you have the power to be accountable for your triggers, and get to know how they impact you, you can choose to address them rather than avoid them – even if you need professional help to do so.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Because of the nature of triggers and the traumas they can represent, there is no mindfulness guidance tool I’m comfortable offering on this topic.

However – I’d like to address becoming actively, consciously aware via mindfulness.

To make that happen, ask yourself - preferably aloud – any or all of the following questions (or questions like these):

·                What am I thinking?

·                What am I feeling? 

·                How am I feeling? 

·                Where is my mind? 

·                What am I thinking about? 

·                What am I focused on? 

·                What are my intentions?

·                What am I doing?

That will make you consciously aware and mindful, here and now. With that mindfulness you can choose to work on any triggers or other matters – in and of the present – for your greater good.

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Thinky-thoughts can insinuate themselves into a strange place between your conscious and subconscious minds. But it’s a place both right in front of you and hard to reach.

When there are a lot of things happening all at once – both inside and outside of yourself – overwhelm can hit hard and fast. Before you know it, you find yourself flustered and frustrated. Then you start asking negative-leaning questions.

Getting out of your own head can be incredibly challenging. But why?

Your head is like a buried treasure chest

How? Because you have items stored in your “treasure chest” that have been lost, forgotten, and buried for who-knows-how-long?

Because the mind is made up of both a conscious and subconscious aspect, there are two sometimes opposed possibilities for everything. Any information you get now is subjected to conscious and subconscious thinking.

Mindfulness is active conscious awareness

Mindfulness is active use of conscious awareness. That’s because mindfulness involves questioning your inner mindset/headspace/psyche self.

It’s simple questions such as,

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What do I intend here?

·        What am I doing?

Each of the above questions can only be answered here, and now. That’s an active act of conscious awareness. And that’s what mindfulness is.

Your own head isn’t just your headspace

When you find yourself stuck in your own head, that often involves more than your subconscious and conscious mind.

Thinky-thoughts aren’t always thoughts. They can also be impressions made from the body and soul.

Work on being here now

When it comes to getting out of your head – or doing anything to take control of your life – being here, now, is necessary.

The best way to do this is via active conscious awareness. Mindfulness.

Getting out of your own head is never a one-and-done process. That’s because thought, feeling, and all else change due to circumstances, happenstance, choices, environment, and tons of other factors.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This week’s tool might look familiar. Before you start the steps to use this tool, find and/or create 5 minutes for yourself, alone, in a safe and comfortable space. Make sure you have a timer and some means for writing, digital or otherwise.

Step 1: For 2 minutes, practice deep breathing to calm and center yourself.

Step 2: After that, ask yourself, aloud, the following questions (and write them down):

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What do I intend here?

Step 3: Once you have made yourself mindful, is there something that’s been nagging at you or otherwise bothering you? Now that you’re actively, consciously aware, can you identify what it is?

Step 4: Write it down. Then, write down what it will take to release and free yourself from this.

Step 5: Take another minute of deep breathing to recenter yourself.

This can evoke an odd state of being because you’re going into your head to work with something you’ve been having a difficult time working with. Don’t allow negative feelings about this to dominate – forgive yourself for being human.

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Breaking and/or changing a habit frequently requires a lot of conscious effort.

When it comes to habits and changing or breaking them – the quick fix nearly always fails. Why? Because habits are complex, multifaceted, and it takes time to build your habit in the first place.

You don’t instantly form a habit. That’s not how habits are made.

Habits form via repetition. To create a habit, you need to consciously repeat said habit over and over – until it becomes subconscious.

It can take days, weeks, months, and even years to form a habit.

And that’s when you do it actively. You can also form a habit passively.

Consciously acting to change or break habits requires mindfulness.

Action is effort

When you seek to change or break a habit, there’s always a why. There’s a reason behind the desire to expend the effort to make the change.

Identifying the why provides the impetus to expend the effort to change and/or break habits.

This is where the intention and action part of mindfulness comes in. You must have an intention to change and/or break a habit. And then take action and act upon it.

To gain that conscious awareness, you just need to recognize what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, what intentions you have, and the actions you are or aren’t doing.

Identifying what you’re thinking, plus what and how you’re feeling, is how you can become consciously aware of anything and everything in your subconscious. Your beliefs, your values, and your habits, too.

But if you desire to change or break them – now you need to employ mindfulness of your intentions and actions.

The work of breaking and/or changing habits

Self-awareness of habits is the first step. Then you need to recognize and acknowledge them. Next, you need conscious awareness – mindfulness – of the habit. Specifically, what it is, what triggers it, how it impacts you, and other important details related to it. With that, you can now set the intention and take the action to break and/or change a given habit.

It takes perseverance to change, break, and/or build new habits. Recognizing and acknowledging that it’s seldom easy makes it less difficult to roll with the punches and handle the unexpected along the way.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Identifying specific habits can help you better know yourself and be more self-aware as such. Whether you desire to change and/or break a habit – or not – knowing your habits can be useful.

Identifying a habit takes mindfulness.

This is one way to do this process in steps.

1.      Pick a time to be alone and uninterrupted for 5 minutes.

2.      Spend 1-2 minutes breathing deeply to center and focus.

3.      Think about things you do by rote and routine. These can be big or small.

a.      This might include things like brushing your teeth, drinking coffee, chewing your fingernails, smoking, journaling, writing what you’re grateful for, and lots more.

4.      Write down what you come up with.

5.      Make a note of if you think the habit is good, bad, or neutral.

In this way, you can get a clear picture of your habits.

You might desire to do this a few times to really get a thorough handle on what habits you have. If you find you dislike or desire to change a habit – identifying it is the first step to that.

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Everyone has bad days. That’s part of the human experience. Even the happiest, most upbeat, and most positive people have bad days. That’s the yin/yang of the Universe at play.

Through it all – no matter what your experience – there are two truths.

·        You and your life are worthwhile

·        You are deserving of living a life that lights you up

It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from, or anything else. You and your life are worthwhile and deserving.

You are NOT here by random happenstance

Sometimes it feels like no matter what you do, how much you try, and no matter the effort expended – you’ll experience bad on bad on worse.

When this happens, it’s natural to feel alone. It’s also normal to feel like this only ever happens to you. But that’s simply not true. I’ve been there, too.

It feels like you’re here to be a punching bag for the Universe. But the thing is – you’re not just here randomly. You’re not the Universe’s special victim. You are a human, being.

You and your life are worthwhile and deserving

Beyond the meat suit you occupy to experience the world at large, your core is pure energy. That energy is the same as what makes up everything, like the stars in the sky, subatomic particles, and the whole cosmos.

As Yoda put it so well,

“Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter.”

Because you and I can alter the frequency of our energy, we can consciously create reality.

Lack of feeling worthwhile and deserving is not true

Most of the reasons you and I will feel like we are neither worthwhile nor deserving are products of lack, scarcity, and insufficiency.

That notion of lack, scarcity, and insufficiency is frequently reinforced by messages from all kinds of sources.

Nothing truly is lacking, scarce, or insufficient. That’s why you are worthwhile and deserving of finding, creating, and living life how you most desire to.

Unless you intentionally hurt others, willfully cause harm, kick puppies, and the like – you are a good, worthwhile, and deserving individual.

Practice mindfulness and you’ll see for yourself how true this really is.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Conscious reality creation is an ongoing process. And you’re worthy and deserving of creating a reality of your choosing.

To that end – find and/or make 5 minutes where you can sit down and write or type out how you desire your life to look a year from now.

You can be as detailed as you desire – but make it about the end result and goal. Don’t explore any of the how to get there. Focus on emotion and not just what your reality will look like in a year – but feel it. How will it feel? What about it will excite you and light you up?

Save your work. Read it back to yourself every day for the next week right before you go to bed. Don’t just read it – really strive to put yourself there, as though it’s truly your reality, here and now.

After a week of this – does the notion feel more probable and real to you? Consider continuing to read what you wrote after the first week to consciously create this reality that’s utterly worthy and deserving of you as you are of it.

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Feelings are made up of what and how. The what of feelings often also ties into thoughts.

I spent a lot of my youth unable to truly feel my feelings.

It’s okay to not be okay

How you feel is valid. What’s more, it is utterly and completely okay to not be okay.

What and how you feel is valid. But you also have a choice as to how long you will allow it to take you down.

You have more power to control your life than you probably realize. What you feel today is completely and totally valid.

What and how do I feel?

How do I feel? This tends to be complicated, mixed, and as hard as it is for me to understand, you’ll not get it at all. Then I’ll have to justify myself, explain myself - and that could degenerate into a whole conversation I’d rather not have.

There is nobody but you inside your head. Period. You are, as such, the only one in there who can think and feel as you do, and act in whatever ways you choose to act…or not.

This is why mindfulness can be so powerful and empowering. Because it makes you aware of what’s in your head, thoughts and feelings-wise.

The problem with the question “How do you feel?” is in explaining it to another. I know how I feel, or at least I have a sense of how I am feeling. But can I really explain it to you?

Release Your Feelings

Holding on to feelings – good or bad – can negatively impact your wellbeing.

Feelings/emotions are completely devoid of reason and logic. They often make no sense whatsoever and can be so intense that they overwhelm every other aspect of your being.

I believe that if more people were mindful of not allowing their feelings to build up without release, they would be far less susceptible to manipulation by the fear-mongers. That, ultimately, begins with you and me.

Releasing your feelings can be cathartic.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Let’s use mindfulness to get to know what and how you’re feeling at the moment you ask.

Start by choosing a time and place where you can be alone and uninterrupted for at least 5 minutes. Have the means to write down what you experience and a timer of some sort.

Then, do the following steps.

1.      For 1-2 minutes, breathe deep. Deep breath in, let it all out, repeat. When you breathe out, envision the release of thoughts and anything but the here and now.

2.      Ask these questions. Write down your answers with each:

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

3.      Sit with the answers for two minutes. Feel out the emotions, trying to go as deeply as you can. Write what you come up with.

When you’re done, read what you experienced. Then, mindfully apply thought to the feelings, and see how that impacts you.

Warning – this could be heavy. You might bring up some things you didn’t expect and that could be uncomfortable. Please be aware of this before you practice this applied guidance tool.

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The unknown is a mystery. And its mysterious nature makes people uncomfortable.

Uncertainty is about as far from comfortable and familiar as you can get.

Why is it all so damned scary?

Fear and leaving your comfort zone

Understanding what comfort zones are is hugely important. Comfort is a misnomer.

What it should be called instead is a familiarity zone or a stability zone. But the stability isn’t real, genuine stability. It’s a false sense of such.

Comfort zones are known. Even when they are not necessarily desired - because they’re known and familiar - you attach yourself to them.

On the other side of your comfort zone, there’s something you desire for your life. It might be tangible or intangible, big or small – but it’s different from where you are and where you came from. But while you have an idea of what you’re after – what it will look like is unknown.

The unknown is full of uncertainty. And uncertainty is scary. It can be so damned scary that leaving your comfort zone – and the discomfort – feels like a bad idea.

The familiar now wasn’t always familiar

The familiar, everyday technology in our lives – such as whatever device you’re using to read these words – was beyond unknown to the people who lived only 100 years ago. Just 50 years ago, the concepts might have existed – but were not familiar to any by a very few.

We take this for granted. Things are and have always been this way – save that this is utterly untrue. Why? Because change is the one and only constant in the Universe.

Everyone and everything changes.

The unknown isn’t truly scary. It’s any possible, potential suffering that scares you.

Beyond the unknown

What will you find beyond the unknown? If you knew, it wouldn’t be unknown. But I can tell you there is one, known answer.

You’ll find something.

It always comes down to the choices you make. And if you desire to have control of your life experience, you must practice mindfulness.

Being in the here and now – and consciously, mindfully aware – is grounding and centering. You’re not in the past or future – but now. And that’s known. Really known.

When you recognize that the known always comes from the unknown, you can be more aware that being scared of the unknown doesn’t protect or serve you. You’ve crossed the unknown before and will do so again.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Think back on a time you chose to walk into the unknown.

Think about it and write it down. Then, write down these questions and their answers:

·        Do you remember how it made you feel?

·        Can you recall the fears it brought up at the time?

·        Do you remember how you got past it, and how that felt?

Look over what you wrote and see how it makes you think and feel now.

If there is something you’re currently striving to do that is a departure from your comfort zone into the unknown – how can you apply to above to overcome any fear and uncertainty surrounding it?

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Mindfulness is conscious awareness, and self-awareness, in the present. Right here and right now. It’s conscious awareness of your inner mindset/headspace/psyche self. That inner awareness leads to greater awareness of life, the Universe, and everything.

It is both stunningly simple and incredibly challenging. That’s due to resistance from without (society, culture, other people, and things) AND resistance from with (ego, habit, subconscious beliefs and values).

Thought + Feeling + Action = Mindfulness

Mindfulness is conscious awareness of yourself. It’s a product of the present, the here and now. Mindfulness is conscious awareness of your mindset/headspace/psyche. Overall, it’s engaged via Thought + Feeling + Action.

How does it work? To apply mindfulness to your life, you make a decision – you choose – to be aware of your inner self. To awaken that awareness, you just need to ask any one of these questions:

·        What am I thinking? (Thought)

·        What am I feeling? (Feeling)

·        How am I feeling? (Feeling)

·        What are my intentions? (Thought + Feeling)

·        What am I doing right now? (Action)

By becoming consciously aware, you move out of rote, routine, and habit. This empowers you to make choices and decisions for who, what, where, how, and why you are. That, in turn, opens you to improve your health, wellness, and wellbeing.

What’s really cool about this is that the equation works both ways. Thought + Feeling + Action = Mindfulness / Mindfulness = Thought + Feeling + Action.

This is how you live more through your conscious mind rather than your subconscious mind.

Remember, also your health, wellness, and wellbeing are made up of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual elements.

How does mindfulness empower?

Knowing your own thoughts, feelings, and intentions gives you the power to make choices and decisions about actions to move your life along.

Many people don’t understand how much of what we need in this world begins within. Nobody but you is inside your own head, heart, and soul - and that’s something super-important to grasp. Because nobody is in there with you, what and how you think and feel about yourself is the basis for everything that makes up your life.

If you believe that you have no power and that you can do nothing to change anything, then that is exactly what you create. Most of the so-called powerful people are no different from you and me, with one key exception: They believe in themselves.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This is a repeat with a slight variation.

At the start of the day, before you do anything else, ask yourself any one of these questions:

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What are my intentions?

·        What am I doing?

Please write down or type out the answer.

Repeat the process with any one question in the middle of your day (like around lunchtime.)

Finally – repeat this one more time, just before you go to bed.

Note how this impacts your present, conscious awareness. Do you feel the empowerment that comes from asking and answering these mindful, consciously aware questions?

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The word “positivity” might set your teeth on edge. That’s probably because you’ve been exposed to all the toxic positivity out there.

Toxic positivity is the idea that if you think positive – and ONLY positive - your life will be the best it can be. It rather blatantly disregards, ignores, or turns a blind eye to anything that’s not positive.

Positivity in this manner turns anything not positive into an enemy. Negative thoughts and feelings should be avoided or abandoned lest they harm you. But that’s unrealistic and unhealthy.

The key to non-toxic positivity is recognizing that it’s not simply thought or feeling. Positivity is an attitude, a choice that you make in any and all given situations or circumstances. And it’s not an either/or by any stretch of the imagination.

The cylinder between extremes

Many elements of the world around you emphasize extremes. Some are benign, some not so much. These extremes come in many sizes, shapes, and forms, both tangible and intangible.

The space between either side of the extremes isn’t the thin depth of a coin – it’s much more like a cylinder. And that cylinder isn’t solid like a coin – it’s flexible.

The other important reason why the space between extremes should be seen as more than the narrow depth of a coin is that you and I mostly exist somewhere between those extremes. And every day you choose in any given situation to face one extreme or the other.

Non-toxic positivity coexists with negativity

Non-toxic positivity recognizes that positivity is a choice. What’s more, it’s not a pure choice that derails its opposite – but rather decides to take a generative versus destructive approach.

Negativity can offer choices you can use to empower yourself (or not), such as:

·        Accept and lament

·        Reject and lament

·        Accept and fight

·        Reject and fight

·        Give up and give in

There are lots of stories of success that was built off negativity having an empowering effect. Some horrid thing happened that made you change in a way that involved a choice to be bigger, better, stronger, faster, wiser, or whatever.

That’s what non-toxic positivity recognizes. Negativity can, will, and does happen. But it’s not necessarily an ending – it might well be a powerful new beginning.

Non-toxic positivity works with – not against – negativity by presenting potential and possibilities for empowerment to choose for yourself.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Take a moment to still your mind.

Look at anything that’s bothering you or causing distress in your life.

As you look at that – whatever it is – do you feel good or bad? Are you considering how it could get better – or how it could get worse – or simply that it is?

How can you reframe this? What can you do with your thoughts, feelings, intentions, and actions to change how you are looking at whatever the stressor or bother is?

Choose actively, and consciously to face towards the positive end of the flexible cylinder regarding this matter.

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Passive gratitude is all well and good – but it’s not conducive to improving your overall mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

Active gratitude, on the other hand, is.

How does that work?

Your health starts in your head

Most people, thinking about health and being healthy, immediately go to the body.

Mental, emotional, and spiritual health, wellness, and wellbeing are intangible. You can’t see a bloated emotional response, a malnourished spiritual sense, or an aged and outdated mental perspective. Not, of course, unless it’s within yourself. When you’re mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually unwell, in time it will manifest itself physically.

Applying gratitude for your health

things to be grateful for.

Active gratitude is an empowerment tool. When you’re actively grateful, you open channels of positivity that directly impact your mental, emotional, and spiritual health. That trickles down to your physical health.

Genuine gratitude is ALWAYS positive. ALWAYS. Expressing genuine thanks for this, that, or the other thing – no matter its size – is positive. Both giving and receiving real, honest, and earnest gratitude empower you positively.

When you actively seek out things to be grateful for and give thanks for, you’re performing an act that will positively impact your mental, emotional, and spiritual health. That, in turn, will better your overall wellness and wellbeing.

Gratitude is more than saying thank you

Gratitude starts with the words “thank you.” When somebody gives you thanks, and it’s utterly honest, you feel good about it.

Want to be healthier? Actively give more gratitude. Pause and see what you have and say thank you for it. Don’t just say it, feel it. Let that feeling wash deeper into your psyche and see how that positively impacts your health, wellness, and wellbeing.

Gratitude is a powerful key to better health, wellness, and wellbeing. When you’re grateful for what you have, here and now, no matter how seemingly insignificant, you empower yourself in some amazing ways.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

I’ve offered this same tool in the past – but with a different approach.

Every morning, at the start of your day, just after getting out of bed, please take a moment to write down 5 things you’re grateful for. Write them down/type them out like this, please:

I am so grateful (or thankful) for (this, that, or the other tangible or intangible thing).

Number them from 1-5.

Read each aloud and pause a moment to soak it in. Feel the gratitude.

At the end of the day, before you go to bed, reread them. Again, pause after each and feel the gratitude.

Note what this small, twice-daily act does for your overall health, wellness, and wellbeing.

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Your health, wellness, and wellbeing belong to nobody but you. Ergo, you’re the only one who can care for them.

The who, what, where, how, and why of you is directly tied to your health, wellness, and wellbeing. Any imbalance in your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health will challenge you.

When you don’t take care of yourself – who can and will?

Self-care puts gas in the tank

You can’t get anywhere in your car when it has no fuel. This is true of you, too.

Nobody has infinite energy. Human beings all need to rest, recharge, and do things for their health to find, keep, and maintain it. You are the only one who can fuel your mind, body, and spirit.

You must take action to perform self-care. Taking care of yourself does not come at the expense of others.

Kindness, compassion, and empathy are among the most infinite elements of the Universe. They’re never lacking, never scarce, always abundant. But to access them you must take action in one form or another.

Kindness, compassion, and empathy are unselfish. And that’s why taking care of yourself and practicing self-care first isn’t selfish at all.

Taking care of yourself is kindness, compassion, and empathy

I have never met anyone who didn’t desire to be treated with kindness, compassion, and empathy. Every single person I’ve encountered in my life meets those criteria.

To get kindness, compassion, and empathy you must give them. And the first place to do that is by taking care of yourself.

Kindness, compassion, and empathy are among the most infinite elements of the Universe. They’re never lacking, never scarce, always abundant.

Kindness, compassion, and empathy are unselfish. And that’s why taking care of yourself and practicing self-care first isn’t selfish at all.

Put your own oxygen mask on first

Taking care of yourself is the same as putting on your oxygen mask first. It’s not selfish – it’s necessary to maximize what you can give. And when you practice self-care, you open yourself to being more kind, compassionate, and empathetic.

Get annual physicals, visit the dentist and eye doctor, keep up your necessary prescriptions - and don’t forget to take your meds. Read, laugh, play, meditate, breathe deeply, and perform regular acts of self-care to give yourself all the fuel you need. Because from there, you have more to give to others, and thus practice random acts of kindness, compassion, and empathy.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Do at least one self-care act today.

It can be big - like getting a massage, visiting a doctor, taking a trip, or so forth.

Or it can be small – like reading a book, meditating for 20 minutes, going for a walk, and the like.

Give yourself as much time and space as you need to do this one thing – for your self-care.

Write it down and how it made you feel. Write down these questions and answers.

·        Did my act of self-care make me feel kinder toward myself? How can I pass that on to others?

·        Did my act of self-care make me feel more compassionate toward myself? How can I pass that on to others?

·        Did my act of self-care make me feel more empathetic toward myself? How can I pass that on to others?

When you give yourself sufficient fuel you have more than enough to share it with others. And you can see for yourself how kindness, compassion, and empathy begin with self-care.

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Identity is complex. How you identify yourself varies depending on circumstances and situations.

Identity tends to get tied up in ego. Which adds to its utter artifice.

You are made up of a conscious mind and a subconscious mind. The subconscious mind runs on rote and routine and often isn’t fully engaged. But in your subconscious mind your beliefs, values, and habits live.

Your conscious mind is your present, aware, awake mind. When you’re consciously aware, you’re mindful. That mindfulness informs you, here and now, about who, what, where, how, and why you are.

Everyone experiences periods of being mindful and consciously aware. During those periods, they form an impression of themselves based on bridging the conscious and subconscious minds. The construct that comes of that is the ego. The ego, thus, is how you project yourself to the world without, and simultaneously reflect yourself back within yourself.

The notion of “who” is identity. That’s why it’s tied to ego – and why it tends to be wholly artificial.

Mindfulness, the now, and identity

Unlike your subconscious mind - and its constantly running programs - your conscious mind can only be engaged in the now. Your conscious awareness – conscious mind – functions entirely in the present.

Mindfulness is how you assume the control that’s rightfully yours.

How? Becoming consciously aware, here and now, is as easy as asking questions like,

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What am I doing?

·        Why am I doing what I’m doing?

·        What are my intentions?

The ego, comfort zones, and resistance to change

The ego settled into a comfort zone. It presented you with a place that made you feel stable – thus creating a comfort zone.

Egos hate and fear change. Why? Because change kills them.

Your ego is artificial. When you recognize this – you become empowered to live with conscious awareness and change it actively. This will, inevitably, kill your ego.

Your true identity is fluid

Who you are, deep in your heart of hearts, is rooted in your subconscious mind – not your ego.

When you know that your identity is largely artificial – and tied to your equally artificial ego – you can use conscious self-awareness to actively change. Despite egoic resistance, mindfulness puts you in the driver’s seat.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Let’s take a look at what your ego is projecting both within and without – and whether it is truly you, or not.

Take a moment to yourself, get a pen paper (or sit in front of your computer), and be alone somewhere quiet. Take at least 3 deep breaths in and out to center yourself.

Then, set a timer for 1 minute. Start the timer and write down (or type) all the “I am” statements that come to mind over the next minute. These can tie into thoughts, feelings, intentions, tangibles, and/or intangibles.

After the time is up, look at your list. Mark anything that looks and feels wrong. Write down what’s not right about it and why.

Repeat as necessary.

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Even when a given comfort zone is unideal and maybe unhelpful to me and my life, that doesn’t mean leaving it is ever easy. Why? Because comfort zones are comfortable due to their familiarity. And the familiar is often comforting – even when not good for us.

There is always more than one depending on what it is and how it impacts you.

How do you recognize your comfort zones?

First – it’s important to understand that comfort zone doesn’t mean being comfortable. A comfort zone is a place of rote, routine, habit, and familiarity that makes it an environment where you feel stable.

A stability zone would be a better phrase. But let’s not confuse matters.

This is the paradox of comfort zones. Often, it’s the stability therein that causes us to hold to them – even when they’re not actually comfortable.

They’re by no means always places. Comfort zones can apply to people and self-care, too.

How do they impact your life?

This can be distressing. Why? Because many so-called comfort zones aren’t comfortable at all. They’re simply familiar.

A great deal of the sense of being stuck, incomplete, and like something is missing is often tied to a comfort zone. Again, a stable, familiar zone.

Why does this matter? Because if you need and want to change almost anything in your life, it will require leaving a comfort zone. And leaving your comfort zone always require action and intent.

To move out of a comfort zone require conscious awareness – here and now

Mindfulness for leaving comfort zones

Any intentional, willful act of change begins with conscious awareness of what it is you desire to change.

To do so requires mindfulness.

Mindfulness in this context is conscious awareness here and now.

Choosing to make any sort of change is very likely to impact comfort zones. And while the intent is to go somewhere better than where you are – resistance to leaving the familiar of your comfort zone will make it more challenging.

Resistance is connected to the ego.

Everyone has multiple comfort zones that they exist within.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Let’s identify one of your comfort zones.

You might have an obvious comfort zone or two. But this is about finding the stability zones and hidden comfort zones.

Write this down.

1.      Is there a place – literal or metaphorical – that you frequent? This could be a cubicle, a guided meditation, and the like.

2.      When you are in this place, do you feel like it’s stable? Does it feel like you have maybe always been there? Does it feel secure?

3.      Does thinking about leaving that place – and not returning – make you uncomfortable?

If you answered yes to question 3 – you’ve identified a comfort zone.

Now that you’ve identified it – is it somewhere you desire to remain, or would you like to leave it? There is no right or wrong answer – you alone know what it is.

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Nobody is ever, truly, alone.

Why? Because no matter where you go, there you are. Or in other words – you always have yourself.

Here’s the thing – your entire life, you have yourself. That means that you have all that you are, good, bad, and otherwise, always with you.

For many people, that’s disconcerting. You have yourself – but isn’t that a lonely proposition? If you only have yourself, what does that mean?

You don’t only have yourself. You always have yourself. Yes, you will change along the way, and who you were before is not who you are now nor who you will be. But no matter how much time passes or what happens along the way – you’ll always have you.

Self-like, like self-love, is not selfish

Let’s cross one of the biggest hurdles with this notion. It is not selfish to like yourself.

There is a big, big difference between you liking yourself and narcissism, arrogance, conceit, egoism, and the like.

Self-like is a product of self-respect and self-care. You be yourself and work on being the best you that you can be. That means you don’t lack compassion, kindness, caring, or empathy for others.

The empowerment when you like yourself

Because you are always with yourself, and spending the whole time you occupy that body with you, doesn’t it make sense that you like yourself?

Of course, it does. And when you learn to like yourself you become more empowered to be, have, and do the things you desire to.

How does liking yourself empower you? Because when you like yourself you are better able to connect with your mindset/headspace/psyche inner being. Which is your conscious self.

When you are more aware of your conscious awareness, you’re in a better position to use mindfulness to control what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, what your intentions are, and any actions you take. That, ultimately, empowers you.

Why like yourself? Because you are the only you that there is. You’re the only you that will ever be. And the reality of this fact is that you’re amazing.

You’re not just likable, but lovable

When you learn to like yourself, it becomes easier to learn to love yourself.

But love is bigger than that. Love is the sun in trees, the dew on the grass, and life itself. Love is a powerful force of creativity that is akin to the Force – but without a dark side.

That begins with mindfulness – conscious awareness - of you. You can choose to change anything about your inner being that you’re not so fond of.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Either on a computer or on paper/in a journal, write out 5 things that you like about yourself.

Do not prejudge anything you might write – big or small, tangible or intangible, seemingly petty, self-indulgent, or whatever – don’t disregard it if it's something that you like about yourself.

Detail why you like these things about yourself. Again, no judgment – self-aggrandize here.

Do this once a week for the next month.

Keep this and refer to it – reread it – anytime you are down on yourself or otherwise displeased with your life.

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It’s all too easy to scroll through Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and be overwhelmed by toxic people. Before you know it, you’re wasting your time, doomscrolling, feeling bad, and wondering if anything is worth it. These toxic people poison you into believing in lack, scarcity, and insufficiency which isn’t true.

And this is hardest to reconcile when they are friends and family.

The choice – stay, step back, or step away from them

Multiple people I call friend have gotten increasingly toxic in the past 5 years.

Sure, you can blame the pandemic for this – but the reality is that the pandemic just gave their toxic nature purchase.

Rather than seek options to effect useful change, they spew toxic complaints, concerns, cries for validation, and the like. They’re angry, upset, terrified, and almost impossible to approach.

You can only walk on eggshells around someone for so long before the eggshells get cracked.

Thus, you have a choice. Tall them, then decide to stay, step back, or step away from them.

This isn’t an easy choice. Even friends and family, when they’re being toxic people, will be resistant to being told they need to reevaluate. If you confront them about their toxic behaviors, they may double down, lash out, and make you feel awful.

Choosing how to handle challenges is how you take control of a given situation. The choice applies whether you’re dealing with a person, place, or thing.

You can’t detoxify toxic people

This is the hardest reality to accept. There is nothing you can do to detoxify toxic people.

Whether you point out their toxicity to them or walk away from them – if they’re unwilling to look within and recognize their toxic behaviors, you can’t make them recognize them. Neither can you do anything about it for them.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that you have choices. They might be imperfect, not wholly what you desire, and otherwise not ideal – but you still have them. And sometimes that less-than-desirable choice is still a valid stepping stone to a better path for your overall health, wellness, and wellbeing.

Will you choose to stay with, step back from, and/or step away from people – toxic or otherwise – for the good of your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health, wellness, and wellbeing?

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This will be both super easy and surprisingly challenging.

Take a whole day off from social media. No Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, TikTok, Instagram, and all else. From waking to sleeping, don’t go on social media. (You can decide to disconnect from Messenger or not – but don’t go down a rabbit hole of memes and the like).

Why? Because while social media connects us in many ways – it’s one of the largest sources of toxicity out there. You might find you feel better and less stressed when you’ve taken a day off social media.

If this does have a positive impact – consider making a social-media-free day a regular weekly occurrence.

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What do you do when it all sucks?

Lament or live.

It would be very, very easy to lament what’s going on.

I could go on and on about the many things that suck that have been going on. I could lament multiple potentials, and unknown futures resulting from all of this. I could wallow in the total suckage of this situation – and let it pull me down into a depression.

Or I can live. I can accept that this sucks, it’s not fair or fun, but it is. And since lamenting it will just make me feel worse, I suppose I can choose to live and keep on keeping on.

Sometimes life sucks

That’s the truth of it. Sometimes, life sucks. Shit happens. People get unexpectedly ill. You get sick. Relationships end. Jobs are lost. Friends become dumpster fires. And there isn’t a damned thing you can do about it.

Do you like to be in control? I do. Do you like to direct your life experiences to desired outcomes? I suspect that, for the most part, you do. And that’s the hardest thing of all to accept – no control.

But apart from you – specifically your inner being and thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions – you have no other control. Just that seemingly limited amount.

Choose negativity, neutrality, or positivity

I’ve chosen positivity in the face of suckage. I also recognize that as much as this all sucks – it could be far, far worse. And I’m grateful that it’s not.

You can make no choice and attempt to remain neutral.

You could choose negativity. Lament what sucks, express how much woe it causes, and allow your feelings to spiral downwards.

There is no wrong choice. But all choices have results, consequences, and other outcomes when made. But choice in the face of suckage is a matter of taking control via your conscious awareness of your life experience. As opposed to yielding control to unseen forces of the Universe.

What do you do when it all sucks? The choices are yours to make.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Is there something happening, right now, that sucks?

If so – take a close look at that something. What is it?

Write down what it is, and ask and answer the following questions:

·        Why do you think it sucks?

·        How does it feel like it sucks?

·        What does it feel like?

·        What caused this thing that sucks?

As you answer the questions, consider if lamenting this serves you. Or if you’d be better served by releasing it and moving on.

Write down how you can release it.

If there isn’t something that sucks at present – or there’s something in the recent past of often recurring but not here now, use that for this exercise.

Hopefully, this shows you that when life sucks you can still choose to take control and work with that.

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The only thing over which you and I have control is ourselves.

Even then, there are limits to what you can and do control.

All of them are internal. Sure, there are externals that you can direct – but control is not the case. You can change your body shape, eye color, hair length and color, what you wear, and maybe a couple of other elements of yourself.

Internally, you control yourself. But that’s not always obvious, and it requires conscious awareness to be controlled. Because when you aren’t consciously aware – and in the now - your habits, beliefs, values, and subconscious/egoic self are in control.

Less is more

Most of us get focused on things happening in the world around us. It’s easy to get distracted by these outside pictures.

But then you dial it in closer to home, but still with a focus on things you can’t control. It’s easy to get distracted by these outside pictures, too.

Taking control of what you can control is empowering

What if – rather than focus on the things outside of yourself that are likewise outside of your control – you turn it inwards? What if you focus on what you can and do control instead?

How does this work? It starts with conscious awareness. This is mindfulness and only works in the present, here and now.

To do this you begin by asking questions like,

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What am I doing?

·        What do I intend?

These are questions that can only be genuinely answered here and now.

Once you have those answers, you gain control of your mindset/headspace/psyche self. This means you gain control of your present life experiences.

When you stop trying to control things outside of yourself – it’s deeply freeing. You stop worrying needlessly about people, places, and things you have no control over. That tax on your time and energy ceases to be.

Who should drive your life? You from years ago, someone else, or you as you are here and now? The control to do the driving is yours for the taking – and ultimately, it’s empowering when you accept what control you do have and take it.

A note about ego

Your ego is a construct created like a bridge between your subconscious and conscious mind. Your ego is both how you project yourself outwards to the world and reflect inwards when you don’t consciously assume control with mindfulness. Thus, your ego will often have been created to show elements of who you were rather than who you are.

What’s more, your ego is protecting you from harm – but often in a way that’s causing harm. That’s because the ego tends to be resistant to change.

Mindfulness and conscious awareness – via taking control of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions - removes the ego from behind the wheel and lets you take control.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Let’s begin with a singular focus.

Let’s take control of your thoughts.

1.      Be still and breathe deep for 2-5 minutes

2.      Ask aloud and write down, What am I thinking? Consider what thoughts come up, in that present moment. Write your answer down.

3.      Are you thinking about something you desire to be thinking about? Are the thoughts in your head, here and now, helping you or hurting you?

4.      If helping – great. If hurting – what can you do to change them? Write it out.

5.      Take action and change undesirable thoughts.

You can do this multiple times a day without writing this out. I recommend doing it completely once a day including writing.

This same exercise can be used to similarly explore and change your feelings and intentions.

What if there is no “should”?

What does that mean? A great many of the things that frustrate me tend to revolve around the word “should”. For example, I should be making more money, I should be doing more of ‘x’, I should be better with ‘y’, I should be more consistent with my diet and exercise, and so on.

All of the above are valid things that are part of my life experience. But what Katie expounds on in Loving What Is is that these things that “should” be, aren’t.

Put simply – should is not what is.

Being in the now with what is

This struck a chord with me because it connects almost seamlessly to many of my practices. Mainly being more mindful and present in the now.

It’s easy to look at everything that should be as though it’s logical. Of course, there should be more kindness in the world, there should be more compassion, and there should be more peace. That looks great, doesn’t it?

Yet when we labor to bring about what we believe should be – we’re not present and in the now. Because what should be isn’t what is.

This can be attached to the personal and impersonal

What’s fascinating to me is that “should” can be problematic whether you attach it to personal goals or the world.

Many, many stressors are attached to any given “should.” When you stress out about them you negatively impact your health, wellness, and wellbeing.

When you release the stress that “should” can cause you – personal or impersonal – you’re free.

Empowerment without focus on “should”

The more I analyze and explore this idea that there might be no “should”, the more I feel centered, grounded, and connected. It’s a lot easier to be here, now, when ideas of what “should” be ceases to get my focus.

Without “should”, the way to greater empowerment of yourself looks a lot clearer. At least to me, it does. Also, without “should”, I can work with what is to build better without unnecessary suffering.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Today’s applied guidance is going to use the questions from Byron Katie’s Loving What Is.

Choose something that you think should be a certain way. It can be something that directly impacts you or a world situation. Write down what that thing is - i.e. People should be kinder.

Ask the following questions.

1.      Is it true? (The answer is Yes or No, i.e. Is it true that people should be kinder? If no, skip to question three.)

2.      Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Also Yes or No. i.e. Can you absolutely know that people should be kinder is true?)

3.      How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? Write it out. Think and feel it and put it on paper.

4.      Who or what would you be without that thought?

Once you’ve done this – reverse it and/or apply it to yourself. (i.e. People shouldn’t be kinder and/or I should be kinder) Yes, that might not sit well and might be distasteful – but try it out anyhow. See how you feel when you release the illusion of a “should” in life.

The idea of this is to show you how “should” is a loaded idea that more or may not be based on what is in the world around you.

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Long ago, I came to this notion: There are three brands of truth. Mine, yours, and the absolute.

The truth, as I perceive it, is colored by my life experiences, education, environment, associations, and the imperfection of memory. Just because I remember something having been a certain way doesn’t make it so. But the truth, as I believe it to be - no matter the topic – is colored thus. This is true for you, too.

The absolute can be totally hidden and unrecognizable. That’s because, apart from here and now, memory is faulty and colored by the above-mentioned things. It's for this reason that people can believe in things that are proven to be untrue in the absolute – like the Earth being flat, vaccines containing microchips, evolution being unprovable, and the like.

So, if the absolute of truth is such a challenge to recognize – how can it set you free?

By recognizing the fluidity of truth, and that what you cling to as truth might not be. And sometimes the truth is not important in the long run. That knowledge also sets you free.

When the truth is less important

Many an argument is over whose truth is right.

A large part of the problem with these arguments is that meeting in the middle can be challenging. And sometimes impossible. Because there are plenty of times when the absolute variation of the truth is nowhere near where you or I are.

You are worth it even if it’s not

There are definitely times it’s worth sticking to and fighting for your truth.

You, and only you, know who, what, how, where, and why you are. Ultimately, only you can ever know that. No matter how much you let others in – you’re the only one in your head, heart, and soul.

If you are defending your identity via your truth – then that’s worthy of you. For example, if you were born male but identify as female, that’s a truth worth fighting for.

When you’re fighting for something unimportant, or just for the sake of being right or winning an argument – is it really of value to you?

Mindfulness is freedom

When you are mindful, you’re consciously aware. Conscious awareness is a product of the here and now. By being present, consciously aware here and now, you take control over your life experience.

Mindfulness, accountability, and responsibility for your truth - in light of their truth and the absolute truth - help you choose to face the positive or negative end of the given spectrum of whatever topic is up for debate. And that can be truly freeing, don’t you think?

Ergo – the truth, no matter if it's mine, yours, or the absolute – truly can set you free.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Is there a truth that you cling to that causes you more harm than good?

Take a few minutes each day to consider what truths you cling to – and if they are worthy of your time, energy, and attention. Does the belief in that truth do you good or ill?

If good – carry on. If not – how can you release this truth for your freedom?

Write out what the “truth” you’ve been holding onto is. Then, write out at least two alternatives to it (the absolute if you know what that is). Read it, consider it, and see how that makes you feel.

Author Website: https://mjblehart.com

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Change can be glacially slow, distressingly swift, or it can be steady, visible, and equally inevitable.

For good or ill, people change. However, some people work hard to remain as they have always been. Change might occur all around them, but they decide they will not be moved by it. They choose not to change.

At the core of change for you, however, is choice. You can choose to change. Or not.

Choosing change is a loaded concept

One of the biggest issues with change comes down to control. And the biggest issue here is what you can, do, can’t, and don’t control.

Often, you look at this, that, or the other person or thing and consider what you desire to change about it. But the trouble here is that it is not you. Meaning it’s outside of your control to change.

All that you can change is in yourself. Who, what, where, how, and why you are can be examined, evaluated, analyzed, and then left to be or changed.

Your inner, subconscious elements – habits, beliefs, and values – can be shifted and changed by you and you alone.

And when all is said and done, that’s what you can change in this world. Anything and everything directly connected to you. And that’s all.

Mindfulness for understanding

The only person inside of your head, heart, and soul is you. You’re it. Nobody else thinks, feels, or experiences for you. Just you yourself.

This begins via conscious awareness. Mindfulness. How this works is to be present, here and now, and ask questions such as,

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What are my intentions?

·        What am I doing or not doing?

These questions – and others like them – askes here and now, wholly in the present, make you consciously aware of yourself as you are in the only time that’s truly real – now.

You can change yourself

There are lots of things about this crazy world I’d love to change. But I can’t do anything about that. Neither can you. What CAN I change? Me. And to do that, I should work to be kinder, more compassionate, more empathetic, and more accountable for my thoughts, feelings, and actions. Because when all is said and done – I can only change myself.

You can change yourself. Choosing to change is your superpower. And while there might be repercussions and unexpected consequences – in the end, you could develop a better, healthier relationship with yourself and the world around you.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Is there a habit, belief, or value of yours that you desire to change? You can choose to actively work to do that – but it will take effort and time.

First – write down what you desire to change. Belief, value, habit?

Second – write down why you desire to change it.

Third – Brainstorm what you can do to change it. Note – everything you think of that is outside your control, like other people, places, and things, should be discarded from this list.

Fourth – Take 5 minutes to do some deep breathing, and ask yourself consciousness questions like,

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What are my intentions?

·        What am I doing or not doing?

Fifth – Once you’re present and mindful, look at your list of how to change what you desire to change it – and pick one action to take. Then take it.

Repeat as necessary – often, change isn’t a one-and-done act.

Author Website: https://mjblehart.com

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For every ill in the world today – you can find someone to blame. It’s very easy to do.

Most politicians blame their opposition for all our woes. Business leaders blame laws and regulations for poor wages and the lousy treatment of employees. Religious leaders blame other religions and atheists for everything wrong in our world today.

What’s more, in the process of self-improvement, no matter if it’s mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual, blame is an easy go-to.

The problem is that blame disempowers us. Why? Because how can you fix something you take zero responsibility or zero accountability for?

Blame disempowers

When you place blame, you shunt away your power. It’s not mindful. Why? Because it closes the door to change and control.

For example – I could blame my depression on my parents and their divorce. My depression can then be blamed for my weight issues. Then, I can blame my weight issues for my self-esteem problems. My self-esteem problems can then be blamed for my depression.

Blame disempowers by creating endless loops of deflection. Progress doesn’t get made and nothing gets done. We disempower ourselves by finding and placing blame.

Oppression of the masses

Look at American politics and some of the extremism that’s become increasingly public over the past few years. Hatred and fear of certain groups have forged new ways to oppress them. And because when all is said and done, we’re all one – that oppresses us all.

But what you give, you get. It reflects back on us - and then ALL are oppressed. Because the truth is that a select few empower themselves via disempowerment of the masses. Blame is an outstanding tool for just that.

The solution is accountability and responsibility rather than blame

The power of accountability is that it empowers. When we are accountable and responsible for ourselves, we can work with that and make adjustments and changes.

Nobody but you can think, feel, or act for you. When you admit to a screw-up, take responsibility for it, and be accountable, it will almost surely suck to admit it. There is pain and discomfort in this. However, after that momentary pain and discomfort, now you can change, alter, and/or fix it.

While being accountable can come with initial pain and discomfort – and the fear of suffering from it makes it even more unappealing – once you pass that, your conscious awareness lets you work on the issue/problem/matter/whatever.

Blame distracts and deflects and solves nothing. Accountability and taking responsibility are the key to repair, alteration, and change. It starts with every one of us individually, and it can positively impact our health, wellness, and wellbeing on every conceivable level.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

For the next week, make a conscious effort to pay attention to both what you think and feel and what you do and say. Mind your inner dialogue and pay attention for blame.

When you find you are blaming something or someone for anything at all, write down what it is and who/what you’re blaming.

Then, analyze if there’s anything you can do about it – and how you can be accountable and responsible. If it’s something way outside of your control – write it down and be accountable for it by choosing to let it go.

At the end of the week, see how you feel and if being more accountable and responsible is, in fact, empowering.

Author Website: https://mjblehart.com

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It should come as no surprise given that we live in a fear-based society. Often, the fear of missing out (what has been renamed/rebranded as FOMO), fear of suffering, and fear of appearing to be lacking are beamed into your brain everywhere you turn.

Radio, social media, tv, billboards, and everywhere there’s advertising will tell you if you don’t buy this product or that service, you’ll miss out, suffer, and appear lacking.

The truth is that, for the most part, we need a lot fewer goods and services than we think we do. Sure, it can be nice to have those things – but at what cost? People stress out, overwork, and freak out because of the suffering they most fear that will result from missing out or appearing to lack.

Suffering is what you most fear

It doesn’t matter what the fear is – most fear is less about the thought or feeling you’re afraid of and more about suffering resulting from it. More often than not, the suffering you fear is far worse than what actually will occur.

Fear of suffering tends to focus on worst-case scenarios. Since worst-case scenarios are literally the worst – of course, you envision horrific suffering as a result.

The power of gratitude

Why is gratitude so powerful? Because whether given or received, gratitude is ALWAYS positive. Always.

Real, genuine, true gratitude is a blend of thought, feeling, intent, and action that’s positive. It is one of the only things I can think of that’s a construct of every element of mindfulness.

Let’s say you’re grateful for a person. Thinking about them makes you feel good and thanking them (action) shares that they make you feel that way (intent).

Given or received, gratitude is positive. Your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions align to face the positive end of the flexible cylinder between the extremes (negative and positive).

Express what you’re grateful for frequently

There’s a simple, universal truth at work here. When you give gratitude, you get gratitude. When you express gratitude for the things you have – tangible or intangible – you draw more things to you to be grateful for.

This is conscious reality creation in its purest, most unadulterated form.

When you see lack, scarcity, and insufficiency – and give it energy and attention – it will dominate your consciousness. But when you use your mindfulness to be thankful, here and now, for what you have – that is abundance energy that will draw more abundance to you.

Think, feel, and say thank you frequently, joyfully, wholeheartedly, and unreservedly. Allow gratitude to flow – because giving it will get it in return.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Get something that you can carry around within you a pocket, your bra, a purse, or whatever have you. A stone, a coin with meaning to you, or something similar to these.

Throughout your day, take ahold of whatever that thing is, and think of something you’re grateful for in that moment. Aloud, or not, say, “I’m grateful for *insert tangible or intangible thing here*. THANK YOU.”

This gratitude serves as a physical reminder you can use at will to express gratitude. After a week of this practice, see if you notice any improvement in your overall day-to-day experiences.

Author Website: https://mjblehart.com

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How we all live is a choice. We can make it as often or seldom as we desire.

In my experience, I’ve come to recognize 3 ways to live. There are variations, and each of these will be shifted around – but they’re inescapable.

·        Let life live you

·        Curl up in a ball and await death.

·        Take the wheel, drive life, and go for a ride

The three ways to live life

·        Let life live you. Rote, routine, subconscious living. You just go with the flow and let the routines carry you. General existence. This is largely neutral.

What does that mean? It means that people who let life live them go through the motions, go about a daily routine, and seldom make any choices that might rock the boat much.

Letting life live you involves falling into routines and making little to no effort to leave them.

·        Curl up in a ball and await death. Despair, depression, half-conscious living. You tend to see all as dark and dismal and suffer. Expectation of death and despair, literally and metaphorically. This is largely negative.

This can be literal, or not, but I think we all know someone who appears to live life in this manner.

People who curl up in a ball and await death tend to complain about everything. They are miserable. 

Many of the people who fall into this category are frequent victims. 

·        Take the wheel, drive life, and go for a ride. Conscious awareness, mindful living. You make choices and decisions and direct your routines. Seek to work with potential and possibilities. This is largely positive.

In choosing to live life in this way, we work to be in the here-and-now, explore the awareness of our thoughts, recognize the feelings we feel, and take intentional actions. We decide who we want to be, what we want to do, and how we can manifest it into being.

How you live life will shift and change along the way

There are circumstances we encounter that will, at least temporarily, take control out of our hands. Losing jobs, deaths, break-ups, and other situations involving other people and circumstances will impact us. This will shift how we live life.

Since the only things that we can control are our thoughts, feelings, and actions, we get to choose how long these situations will impact us.

There is a catch to this – but it’s an utterly false narrative.

The catch is that when you choose this, some will call you selfish. People will think because you’re living more mindfully, you’re being selfish, and not a productive part of society or doing what’s expected of you.

But this is a false narrative. Why? Because who but you is living in your body, your head, heart, and soul? Only you. And if you desire to control your life experience at all, the only thing you can control is how you choose to live in the motion of day-to-day life.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

At the end of the day, before you go to bed. Take 2-5 minutes to do the following:

1.      Take 3 deep breaths in and let them out slowly to focus yourself.

2.      What did you do today by rote and routine? Write it out - big or small, nothing is insignificant.

3.      Write down what choices and decisions you made today. Large or small, write them out.

4.      Were there opportunities or situations where you didn’t make a decision or choice – but could have? Write that down.

5.      Look at what you wrote. Would you say life lived you, you spent the day awaiting death, or you drove life for the majority of the day?

Odds are, you did a little of both letting life live you and driving life. Hopefully, you didn’t spend the day miserable. But if you did – write down what you can maybe do tomorrow to have a better day.

Author Website: https://mjblehart.com

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All of us are made up of subconscious, conscious, and ego. But what are they?

Our subconscious minds are akin to a computer hard drive. They are where our operating systems, data storage, and programs are saved

The Subconscious is your OS

Our operating systems are our values and beliefs. They’re the foundation on which we run. And like computer operating systems, sometimes we’re running an outdated OS.

Old values and beliefs are in our subconscious. And until we seek them out to replace or remove them – they are still driving our system.

Our data storage is thoughts and feelings that might be disconnected until a program or the operating system engages them.

Mindfulness is conscious awareness

Being consciously aware means being mindful.

Mindfulness is conscious awareness of our inner mindset/headspace/psyche self. It requires being aware, in the present. That self-awareness comes down to our thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. When we know what we’re thinking, what and how we’re feeling, what we’re doing and the intentions behind it – we’re consciously aware.

Ego is our outward projection and inward reflection

What is the ego? It’s how we project ourselves to the world without. But it’s also a mirror reflection of who we believe we are – warts and all.

Often, the ego has been largely constructed via subconscious habits, beliefs, and values.

It’s a construct because it’s not a product of the here and now, and thus not truly who, what, where, how, and why we are. Unlike our conscious mindset/headspace/psyche selves.

Self-awareness gives the conscious mind control

Every single person on Planet Earth can control only one thing. Themselves.

We each get just one chance around in these bodies. One life experience. Shouldn’t we give ourselves what control we can to make it as amazing as possible?

When we get deep into it, all that we can control is ourselves, here and now. More specifically – we can control our mindset/headspace/psyche.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

To define our subconscious mind and our ego, we must be consciously aware.

The only way to see the beliefs, values, and habits of our subconscious – and the inward and outward projections of our ego – we must seek them.

This is one way to do that. This is a 5-minute exercise. Before you begin, choose what you want to learn – the root of a value, belief, habit, or projection inwards and outwards

1.      Go somewhere you can be alone, and uninterrupted

2.      Seat yourself comfortably.

3.      Take three slow, deep breaths in and out. Deep breaths to calm, center, and focus yourself.

4.      Set a timer for 5 minutes. Start it and close your eyes.

5.      Take three more slow, deep breaths in and out.

6.      For the subconscious, focus on belief, value, or habit as you know it now. Dig into it, feel it out, and let yourself sink into its depths. Be present in yourself as you do this

7.      For the ego, focus on “I AM” statements that you make to yourself or others.

8.      At the end of the time, write out what you have learned.

This can unearth some not-so-pleasant memories. But the easiest way to change what’s in your subconscious mind is to root out what’s already there. To change your ego, you need to be conscious of what you’re projecting and reflecting.

Use this tool with care, as often as is practical for you.

Author Website: https://mjblehart.com

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I’ve been working on sharing the power of conscious reality creation and mindfulness with the world. To do this, I’ve made numerous life choices for the path I intend to walk, the blogs I write, and even the journeys of my fictional characters in the sci-fi and fantasy I create.

All of this comes down to Pathwalking – my life philosophy for how to choose your life experience – one step at a time.

Problem: You feel dissatisfied with your life. You feel like your life is not yours to control. It feels as if you are on a hamster wheel or otherwise spinning endlessly with no set plan or direction.

Solution: Practical applications of Pathwalking to make choices and decisions to guide your life experience how you desire it to go.

Go with the flow

When I began to develop Pathwalking, I came to see life as a flowing river. Like the river, it’s not always a simple flow. Sometimes there are rocks, rapids, natural and artificial obstacles, and so on.

As you flow in the river of life, situations, experiences, and seasons change. Some change is natural, some artificial. And there is little to nothing you can do about this because change is inevitable. Pathwalking, like Buddhism, recognizes the impermanence of life.

When you don’t go with the flow of positive, evolutionary change, you have three other options.

1.      Resist and be drowned

2.      Eventually, be swept into the stream

3.      Swim

What is Pathwalking – and what can it do for you?

And what IS Pathalking? Mindfulness. Employing conscious awareness here and now to know yourself, in the present – the only time that’s really real – and with that knowledge, seek, find, and walk a path of your choosing.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

I’ve presented a tool just like this one before. But it’s such a powerful tool that it’s worth repeating.

I’m sharing my 5 Questions for Mindfulness here. Set aside 2-5 minutes today to answer the questions.

To begin, pause from whatever else you’re doing. Take three slow, deep breaths in and out.

Then, write out each question and the answer that comes to you in the moment.

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What am I doing?

·        What are my intentions?

These questions can only be genuinely answered in the present.

The more you ask them – even if you don’t write them out – the more you put yourself in touch with yourself. See how that self-awareness impacts all your choices going forward.

Author Website: https://mjblehart.com

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Sharing your work can be terrifying. It can feel like you’re putting yourself out there to be judged.

Despite all that I do – I still fear that I’ll fail. And that’s deterred me multiple times along the way from acting to grow my life and expand my art how I desire to.

Yet it’s impossible to succeed if you don’t do the thing and share the thing.

There are tons of stories about people getting a win handed to them, succeeding wildly on the first try, and being so damned gifted that failure was never even possible.

But the reality is that most, if not all, put in time, effort, work, and whatever it took to hone their craft.

You can’t fail or succeed if you don’t do it

As my favorite quote from Yoda goes,

“Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”

While try can, in some contexts, be good, the dismissal of it in this quote bears recognition because it has an important meaning.

On too many occasions, I gave it a half-hearted, half-assed try. Doesn’t matter what “it” is or was – I didn’t do it with conviction. And thus, big shocker here, it didn’t go anywhere and failed.

What does success look like?

To succeed isn’t a one-and-done proposition. There are multiple levels to measure success. And no one is any more important than the next.

Reaching the pinnacle of success that I shared above would be amazing. But I won’t get there without the prior successes above. Recognizing and acknowledging this goes a long way toward growth as I would choose it to be.

Failure isn’t necessarily bad

Yes, when you share your work, you might fail. And that’s not fun. However – that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Failure can teach us all kinds of useful things we might not otherwise have learned. And that can be incredibly invaluable.

Here’s the most important thing to keep in mind regarding this – it’s not the end if you fail. So long as you are drawing breath, you have more opportunities to do it again. But maybe do it better.

Stepping out of our comfort zones isn’t easy. But it’s how we grow and evolve on our own terms. I think that’s a worthwhile endeavor.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This is a very simple tool.

Share something you’ve created online. A short story, a website, a piece of art, photography, or what-have-you. Just share it. Don’t be afraid of how others judge you – take the leap. Do it.

After you’ve shared your creation write down how it was received and how it made you feel.

Author Website: https://mjblehart.com

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Even if you don’t buy into the Law of Attraction – like gravity, thermodynamics, and other elements of nature – it still exists and does its work whether you are conscious of it or not.

This is why what you believe is true. At least, from your unique, one-of-a-kind perspective.

Every single person on earth has their own perception of reality. Ergo, we all have unique perspectives on life, the universe, and everything.

Toxic attitudes can be both positive and negative.

Toxic positivity and negativity exist directly up against their related extreme. That’s not where most people exist in any given reality.

What you believe is true is as you choose

Let me be clear. This isn’t literal. Because belief is seldom completely literal.

Thoughts, feelings, and intentions exist in each of us individually. You are the only one in your head, heart, and soul - just as much as I’m the only one in my head, heart, and soul. Thus, you alone think, feel, and intend for you.

Our subconscious beliefs are why belief is seldom completely literal.

How do we take control of our beliefs and our truths?

The short answer is mindfulness.

When you are mindful, you become consciously aware of what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, intentions you have, and actions you take related to it all.

With that, you gain the ability to take control of your beliefs and choose your truth for yourself.

Hence, if you believe in the negative – lack, scarcity, and insufficiency – that’s your truth. Conversely, if you believe in the positive – possibility, potential, and abundance – that’s your truth.

Yes, bad things will still happen. That’s life. But you still choose if positive or negative is the dominant direction you face. That, ultimately, is your truth.

Thus, what you believe – positive or negative – is true to and for you.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This tool is specific to an event.

When something happens this week – specifically something unexpected, frustrating, distressing, and generally negative – after your perfectly valid, initial reaction – consider what happened.

What you believe – positive or negative – is true. After something bad happens, it’s easy to go negative. But you have a choice. So, here’s the exercise:

1.      Write it down

2.      Explain why it generated the emotion it generated

3.      Now that you’ve had some time removed from it, how are you feeling?

4.      If negative, can you refocus to find and/or create a positive?

This is meant to show you how self-awareness and mindfulness empower you to change any belief you hold.

Author Website: https://mjblehart.com

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Suffering – mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually – is unpleasant. The pain that comes with suffering – tangible or not – is unpleasant, distressing, uncomfortable, and just plain awful.

But do you know what’s worse than suffering? Often – the fear over how and what it’ll be.

Frequently, we don’t recognize suffering as our fear. It gets cloaked in another, more recognizable, seemingly more tangible form – like rejection.

Fear of suffering is often the real fear

Not to put too fine a point on it – but it’s suffering we tend to be most afraid of.

Yet that’s not the name we give our fears. Instead, we fear intimacy, heights, success, failure, abandonment, rejection, and lots of other tangibles and intangibles.

But really, it’s not those things we fear. It’s the suffering that could occur because of them.

·        Intimacy? You fear a broken heart and the suffering that comes with it.

·        Heights? The fear is falling from them and how much suffering being broken in that fall will amount to.

·        Success and failure? The suffering that will occur due to the impression you make on people and their reactions to you.

·        Abandonment? The fear of being all alone with nobody to turn to.

·        Rejection? The fear you’ll suffer because you lost out, missed out, or otherwise have been refused

No matter the name we give it above, it always returns to suffering. As I wrote at the start – nobody likes to suffer.

The truth of suffering

All of us suffer from time to time

Everybody gets hurt – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. EVERYBODY. Sometimes the hurt is almost completely unbearable. Other times, it’s just annoying and irritating. And sometimes, it spurs us to action.

What can we do about this to disempower fear?

Fear is a natural reaction. And you will experience fear in your life because that’s part of life. Nobody escapes it.

When you fear something like rejection, success, failure, abandonment, or the like – and the suffering that could come with it – you can mindfully seek rationality, reason, and logic to recognize the suffering likely won’t be as bad as you’re fearing it will be.

Mindfulness gives you control of your life experience because it puts you behind the wheel of your head, heart, and soul. And since nobody but you is in there – shouldn’t you be the one driving?

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This is going to be challenging for some. I’m asking you to face down your fear. And that is not an easy thing to do.

Maybe this is not a current issue – but it can be applied to face any fear – tangible or intangible.

Keep in mind – we cannot run away from, avoid, or hide from our fears and expect them to then go away. Dealing with them requires mindfulness.

Here’s your applied guidance tool this week:

1.      Write down your fear. Name it.

2.      What is it you think or feel might happen if what you fear comes to pass?

3.      How will that impact you directly? Not those around you – you. Write it all out in as much detail as you can.

4.      Identify if what you fear is what you named or if it’s the suffering that might occur.

5.      Write the response to your worst-case scenarios. Apply logic, rationality, and reason and see how that disempowers them.

In identifying our fears, we take away their power over us. But it is not easy because fear is a multifaceted sensation of thought, feeling, and more.

Author Website: https://mjblehart.com

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All kinds of things happen in our lives that make us feel one way or another.

Not all feelings are the product of outside influences and happenings. But enough are that we need to consider how they affect us. The impact is just as variable as they themselves are.

Sometimes that emotion lasts and lingers – good or bad. Whatever the case may be, how long we allow it to be there is up to us. We have ultimate control of our feelings.

Hurt is not a singular emotion – it’s a blend

Hurt involves a combination of sadness, anger, uncertainty, fear, and other similar emotions.

Allow me to break this hurt down into its constituent parts.

·        Sadness because someone didn’t care to validate my feelings.

·        Anger because it feels like they were selfish.

·        Uncertainty because I question if it was something I did to cause it.

·        Fear – because what if this happens again and I suffer even more?

·        Other similar emotions that come and go and I can’t hold onto them long enough to name them. I know how they feel, but not necessarily what they are.

Not everyone feels hurt in the same way that I do. There is no One True Way™. But to my knowledge, hurt is always an amalgam of multiple feelings. That’s why it lingers as it does.

Mindfulness gives us insight to action

It is with mindfulness that we can look at a feeling like hurt and gain insight into the what and how of it. What is the hurt? How did it come about? What feelings is it producing? How are we acting as a result of that?

Recognize and acknowledge it’s okay to feel hurt

There are any number of messages we receive that tell us feeling hurt makes us weak. That we should get over it already and let it go.

Feeling hurt is utterly natural and does not make anyone at all weak.

Why does getting over feeling hurt take so long? Because hurt is a complex blend of thoughts and feelings. Mindfulness makes us consciously aware – self-aware - and practical mindfulness helps us in the process of getting over feeling hurt. But it will take time.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Is there something over which you have been feeling hurt for some time? Is that impacting other elements of your life? Even if this isn’t something you’re currently encountering, this tool can be employed when it happens to you in the future.

Because it will.

Here are 5 steps you can take to mindfully release feeling hurt.

First – Identify what caused the hurt.

Second – Name the feelings associated with the hurt - i.e., sadness, anger, uncertainty, fear, etc.

Third – Let yourself feel the feelings you’re feeling – but be mindful of them.

Fourth – Write it all out

Fifth – Decide to let go and release the hurt. Yes, this is easier said than done – and might take multiple attempts. But just making the effort has the effect of actively working to get over feeling hurt.

Repeat each step as necessary. And remember – there is no shame in feeling hurt. But you do have a choice for how long you allow it to dominate you.

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In the simplest terms – this is a choice.

Simply put, an abundance mindset is one of potential, possibility, positivity, options, and the like. An abundance mindset looks at the world with wonder and creativity because you see abundance in all that’s available to us.

It’s a particularly challenging choice when up against the overwhelming messages of lack, scarcity, and insufficiencies in our world.

An abundance mindset has very little to do with material abundance. That might be a result of it – but not how it works.

Its opposite is a lack mindset. That’s a mindset of impossibility, uncertainty, negativity, misfortune, and the like. A lack mindset looks at the world in fear and disorganization because you see lack and scarcity of both the material and immaterial.

How is the Universe abundant?

At the root of all of it – and absolutely everything in the Universe – is energy. And it is abundant beyond our comprehension.

Every single atom and all the stars in the cosmos are made of energy. There are something like 6.5 octillion atoms in a human body and about 200 billion trillion stars in the Universe. If that’s not direct proof of abundance and an abundant Universe – I don’t know what is.

Mindfulness of an abundance mindset

Conscious awareness is the only way to truly know our mindset, as well as our headspace/psyche/self.

To be consciously aware we must be mindful.

Mindfulness is conscious awareness of what we’re thinking, what and how we’re feeling, our intentions, and the actions we take connected to that. When we practice being mindful, we allow our conscious mind to do the driving.

When we’re not mindful – our subconscious and/or our ego will do the driving. Both can operate by rote and routine – and get sucked down lack mindsets when we’re not being consciously aware of ourselves.

When we’re more self-aware we’re more aware of the world around us, too. And that’s why self-care, self-awareness, and everything related to them isn’t selfish.

An abundance mindset is a builder. A lack mindset is a destroyer.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Getting into and staying in an abundance mindset can be challenging. Often it can take a lot of concentration to reach and stay there.

For a week, write down and answer the following questions at the end of your day (or your workday if more convenient):

1.      Where did you see lack, scarcity, and insufficiency today?

2.      What was it?

3.      How can you reframe it and change the focus to potential, possibility, and abundance?

4.      Where did you see abundance today?

5.      What was it?

Then, going forward for another week, in the moment you encounter lack, scarcity, or insufficiency attempt to reframe it.

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In all the craziness of the last few years – it feels hard to see the beauty of our world. But the arts are one of the best ways to see it – for everyone. TV, movies, books, paintings, and other creations help us to feel better connected.

The arts remind us that our world is shared

The Earth is a relatively small planet. At least in the grand, cosmic scheme of things.

It’s good to remember that it’s our world, and it belongs to none of us but all of us at the same time. Despite 7 continents, 195 countries, and thousands of different religions, multiple genders, and billions of unique individuals – it’s all our world.

In the face of a fear-based society and increasingly loud fundamentalists, we need the arts of the past and the present to help us to keep moving forward.

It’s too easy in the here and now to lose sight of the beauty of our world. Unfortunately, the scornful, unkind, and uncompassionate tend to be the loudest.

Self-awareness employs mindfulness

For the most part, art is never created mindlessly.

Even the most random artistic creation was intentional.

Paintings, books, sculptures, and the like speak to us. Though they are products outside of ourselves – how they make us think and feel tends to be in the moment and mindful. That, in turn, can awaken more mindfulness and overall self-awareness.

Art is empowering – whatever form it takes. And that’s how the arts impact self-awareness the most. For everyone.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This one is wicked simple.

Find a painting, a video, listen to music, or a book to read. When you spend time with that art – be present. Consider your thoughts and feelings at the time you are delving into the book, painting, music, or whatever.

When done – stay with the thought and feeling. Consider what and how it is. Then write it down or type it out.

Do this once a day for a week and see what new things you discover about yourself and your self-awareness.

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Fear takes many forms. Often, it’s disguised as uncertainty, trepidation, self-doubt, general doubt, brain weasels, and the like.

Fear isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It has served the human race well in protecting us from harm. But the things we needed fear to protect us from have changed. A lot.

Recognize and acknowledge

We all live in the same world. Yet every person perceives reality differently. As Einstein said,

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”

The bravest, most fearless person you know still has fears. And to you, they might be unreasonable. What makes one person braver than another? How do they recognize, acknowledge, and then deal with their fears and uncertainty?

The real issue - suffering

Most of what we fear has nothing to do with the fear itself. What we fear is suffering.

Likewise, uncertainty works the same. When we utterly do not know what is happening, or what is next to come – uncertainty becomes fear. More often than not – fear of suffering.

As Paulo Coelho puts it so perfectly in The Alchemist,

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.”

Standing up to fear and uncertainty

When we recognize and acknowledge fear and uncertainty – and that suffering tends to be the overarching issue – we empower ourselves to stand up to them.

How? Be practicing practical mindfulness and reason.

Practical mindfulness is being consciously aware and present in the now. It’s a matter of knowing what we’re thinking, how and what we’re feeling, what our intentions are, and how we’re acting. By being consciously aware we become mindful.

Hence, we know our conscious self - our mindset/headspace/psyche self. Rather than be driven by our subconscious or fooled by our ego – we know ourselves.

Life is not meant to be lived utterly safe. We are not meant to be staid and stagnant. Human beings have infinite potential and possibilities.

It’s all a matter of choices and decisions. Fear and uncertainty ruling our lives is a choice. Allowing them to be our dominant experience is a decision.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This 8-step tool is for identifying and addressing specific fears and related uncertainties.

First, you need to recognize and acknowledge the fear. Getting to the root of your fear is an ancillary of the real issue that can come later. Choose a fear or something making you feel deeply uncertain that you can identify -  and recognize and acknowledge it.

Now you can work to address it. This can be done via the following steps:

1.      Set aside 5 uninterrupted minutes

2.      Begin with 1 minute of slow, deep breathing.

3.      Be present and mindful by asking yourself

a.      What am I thinking and feeling?

b.      How am I feeling?

4.      Write/type out your fear or uncertainty. Get as detailed as you can with it.

5.      Write/type the worst-case suffering scenario you can imagine

6.      Read it aloud. Recognize how the suffering you fear is likely worse than anything that might come to pass.

7.      Thank it for protecting you. Then bid it adieu, farewell, bye-bye, or whatever.

8.      Finish with 30 seconds of slow, deep breathing to center yourself.

This can be repeated multiple times for the same fear/uncertainty or different ones. But this could be a great way to clear space in your head for logic, reason, and balance.

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Accepting that is empowering.

I’ve made and will make more stupid, foolish, and selfish choices in my life. No matter what and how much I study, or the effort to do good I put out – I’ll screw it up along the way.

This is not my truth. This is true for everybody. That’s because every single person on the planet makes mistakes, does stupid, foolish, and even selfish things from time to time.

What does accepting ourselves mean?

We are all a paradox of yin and yang, good and bad, right and wrong, and on and on. We can’t erase, negate, ignore, or otherwise disregard our bad aspects.

We are all perfectly imperfect mixes of good and bad. All of us have our positives and our negatives. And when we accept this – we empower ourselves.

How does acceptance empower us?

Mindfulness lets us see – here and now – what we’re thinking, what we’re feeling, how we’re feeling, what we’re doing, and what our intentions are. That knowledge opens us to see who, what, where, how, and why we are.

But in not being accountable – and not accepting both our good and bad – we disempower ourselves.

Accepting is more powerful than tolerating

Words matter. For example, like the power of want versus desire – the implication and position of a given word will have an impact on its meaning.

Accepting means exactly what it says. We recognize, acknowledge, and accept this, that, or whatever it is. Not blindly, not just because – but due to a choice or decision. I accept this.

When it comes to ourselves – this is utterly empowering. Why? Because accepting ourselves for all that we are means we can choose new options to be other, more, different, etc. By accepting ourselves as we are – warts and all – we’re empowered to alter this as we see fit.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Think back on something bad, wrong, or that otherwise causes you displeasure. Find something that happened some time ago or is an ongoing habit that continues to displease you. (For example – despite mostly not biting my fingernails anymore – I still chew one off sometimes).

Write it down (or type it out). Detail it as thoroughly as you can.

Read it over. Let it soak into your soul.

Now – accept it. Acknowledge it, be accountable/responsible for it, and don’t blame anyone or anything. Accept it for what it is and how it impacts you and your life.

Write down or type out how you are accepting it.

(If possible and desired – do what you can to change it).

Remember – we cannot undo, redo, or otherwise fix what has passed in the past. But we can learn from it and choose to move on. Accepting is very much a mindful act that’s a part of that.

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You always have a choice when it comes to your personal New Year

Approach with sadness and sorrow or approach with excitement for both what has been and what has come before

Make new choices and decisions

Mostly I see three approaches to birthdays:

·        Joy

·        Dread

·        Utter nonchalance

These are, respectively, positive, negative, and neutral.

New level or new devil?

Like in gaming this is a chance to “level up”

Gain more experience points, hit points, skills, and so on

Or you can see it as a new descent

Aging, new pains, new concerns

Closer to the end than the beginning

Self-awareness lets you choose

It is with and through self-awareness that you can choose if this is a new level or new devil

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What am I doing?

·        What are my intentions?

We get to choose who, what, where, how, and why we are – here and now. That’s how mindfulness and conscious awareness work to balance us.

Zero impact birthday

It is also perfectly acceptable to see your birthday as just another day of the week/month/year. It need not be a new level or new devil. It just is

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This week – do at least one very special thing for yourself.

The thing you choose to do might cost some money – or not. But that’s your choice. If there is something special that will make you feel good – be mindful and do it.

This could include:

·        Indulge in a unique meal

·        Take a bubble bath

·        Get a massage

·        Take a mental health day from work

·        Go for a drive to somewhere special

·        Give yourself time to and for yourself

These are just a few ideas – but mindfully making this kind of choice with a tangible impact of some sort opens us to making choices with more intangible or delayed results.

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Why we are – and all else – depends on circumstances both in and out of our control.

All elements of who, what, where, how, and why we are occurred through various combinations of choices made and not made, extenuating circumstances, and/or random happenstance.

No matter how it happened – it is changeable. That might feel like it will require the force of moving a mountain to accomplish – or a similar almost unimaginable feat. But nothing about us and our lives is written in stone. All is malleable and changeable.

The past is not the present

Lots of people identify with their past selves.

The past has come and gone. You cannot undo it, redo it, or change it. Living from it makes no sense because it’s past. Behind.

Here and now, the present, however, is where, who, what, how, and why you are. To get to truly know yourself in all the ways that you can – you need to be here, now.

Mindfulness of who, what, where, how, and why we are

Mindfulness in this expression is conscious awareness. It is pausing to be present, in the here and now, and aware of yourself and all these questions.

The best way to start this process is by working to be aware of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions in the present.

Self-awareness, choices, circumstances, and random happenstance

Extenuating circumstances happen. Likewise, so does random happenstance. The Universe tosses stuff at us from various directions – and what happens next impacts who, what, how, where, and why we are.

When whatever happens, happens, it simply is. Maybe it’s an exploding pipe in your kitchen, a collision with another car on the highway, an unexpected medical problem, or what-have-you.

These are bad experiences – but similarly, good can occur just as unexpectedly.

Your crush kisses you, you win the lottery, you get an unexpected promotion at work, and the like.

Generally, bad or good, we didn’t see it coming until it arrived. After, there will be a visceral, immediate, reaction either positive or negative – but after that what you do is up to you.

Conscious awareness of ourselves – self-awareness, mindfulness of ourselves – is how we can be all that we desire to be. And if we dislike what we find – we are capable of changing it.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This is a refined version of a tool I shared earlier.

At least twice once day for the next week, write down these questions and their answers (allow yourself 2-5 minutes time for this)

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What am I doing?

·        What are my intentions?

At the end of a week look back and see if you can remember the what, how, why, and where of the answers.

Pause and reflect if when you were actively mindful you felt more centered.

Bonus challenge – going forward, at least once a day ask yourself these questions – and see how being consciously self-aware in the here and now better informs you of who, what, where, how, and why you are.

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Do you ever stop and ask, “What am I doing?” When you get the answer, does it sometimes raise the additional question of “Why am I doing it?”

How does this happen? There are, of course, many reasons. But we frequently don’t question them.

How do we reclaim this?

Asking questions of ourselves

One of the keys to mindfulness and the related conscious awareness that comes with it is to ask questions.

These questions include:

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

Along this same line:

·        What am I doing?

·        Why am I doing this?

When we ask and answer these questions, that makes them present in the here and now. Ergo, we know, mindfully, who, what, where, how, and why we are.

Getting these answers lets us work out what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. When we don’t ask, we don’t know.

The answer to the question is never a constant

The one and only constant in the entire Universe is change.

It is guaranteed that change can and will happen.

And thus, the answers to these questions are always changing.

This is a choice

When all is said and done, you get to choose this.

Ask questions? Or don’t. Get to know yourself? Or not. Practice mindfulness? Or just allow the routine and habit to carry you along and let life live you.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This is a very simply mindfulness tool.

At least twice a day for the next week, write down the time, both these questions, and the answers to them:

·        What am I doing?

·        Why am I doing this?

At the end of a week look back and see what you have been doing and how much it has changed – even subtly.

Now, for another week, ask and answer these questions at least a day – but it’s not necessary to write them down.

At the end of these two weeks, please review. Do you feel more mindful and in control?

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I recently read Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick by Wendy Wood. Though sometimes overly clinical – it gave some useful information about habits.

But this led me to this realization - Habits are the result of mindfulness that becomes rote and routine

To change anything at all, or to develop a new skillset, we need to find, create, and build new habits.

A large swath of the things we do in our lives is habitual. It becomes rote and routine and automatic as such.

This is extremely useful. Since mindfulness – conscious awareness – is not our natural state of being, doing things subconsciously and habitually allows us to use conscious awareness for specific things.

When mindfulness/self-awareness is not our default

But there’s a downside to this. Because it’s not our default - nor really taught to us nor explored - our mindful, conscious awareness tends to get shunted to crises, emergencies, and the unexpected.

With one exception – the start of a new process. Taking on a weight loss program, learning a new skill, developing a new ability, and the like. To start anything new in our lives requires us to be consciously aware.

Identifying and changing habits

How do you identify your habits, and then change them?

Recognize the things you do by rote, routine, and automatically – with little to no thought. These are your habits.

All habits can be changed.

It’s a matter of recognizing and acknowledging what our habits are. After that, we need to take mindful actions to change them.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

When it comes to reaching any plateau with anything that you’re doing – habits need to be checked and altered.

This week’s applied guidance tool is a 6-step process to do just that.

This is important because it’s easy to deny the issue, blame someone or something for it (ourselves included), or declare failure and allow it to negatively impact our overall health, wellness, and wellbeing.

How did the automaticity, rote, and routine shift away from the intention of the inciting action? This might take some time and deep analysis to recognize and understand.

I’m pretty sure that everyone experiences this in their life – so don’t be unkind to yourself that you plateaued. Forgive yourself so that you can release this and move forward.

Don’t let your habitual behavior continue. Instead, choose mindfully, with conscious awareness, what actions to take now.

Applied mindfulness is not one-and-done. It’s ongoing – or else a new habit to replace an unwanted habit can’t take hold.

It took time to reach the plateau you’ve reached. Allow time to get off it again. How much time? Depends on lots of factors I can’t tell you about because I’m not you, and your mileage may vary.

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Everyone on the planet deals with matters of health, wellness, and wellbeing. Along those lines, everyone has four primary areas of health to consider – mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual.

Mental health is where our overall wellness and wellbeing live. They are products of mental health.

Nobody accepts that matters of mental health are just as normal and regular as the common cold.

So why do we disregard mental health?

It all comes down to fear

Fear, at its core, is meant to keep us safe.

We live in a fear-based society. But all those fears are intangible.

Yet nearly all of these are not just intangible – but blown way out of proportion. As Paulo Coelho says in The Alchemist,

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.”

If fear is a matter of the heart, how does it tie into mental health? Because it is used to defy logic, reason, and other products of the mind. Fear overwhelms our thoughts by ramping up our feelings.

There is no need to fear mental health matters

The truth is that the intangible fear weaponized in our society can be overcome. But not with some grand proclamation, a revolution, or a charismatic leader showing us the way out.

When we work on our mental health, we establish a new base of reason, logic, and mindfulness. We actively strive to do something about our anxiety, depression, fear, and other elements impacting our mental health.

From that stable place, we can more easily address our physical, emotional, and spiritual health.

How?

Physical health – When we stabilize our mental health, we can more clearly see and make the choices to have a better diet and more effective exercise – thus improving our physical health.

Emotional health – Because mental health opens us to have more logic, reason, and mindfulness, we’re better able to control our emotions – rather than let them control us.

Spiritual health – We can choose clearly - rather than blindly - what faith and belief we follow. Also – we can recognize if our spiritual choices have a negative impact outside of ourselves.

Mental health matters can drive everything in our lives. And it's time to emphasize and expand on this to gain more recognition for how it makes all of us better - and is nothing to be feared.

What is your attitude towards mental health matters? Are you open and honest about your own – or fearful of stigma, taboo, and the like?

This is a choice. And I would encourage choosing to be more open and honest. Why? Because the more we openly and honestly share our own mental health matters – the more we encourage others to do the same.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Mental health is serious. Ignoring and/or disregarding it will lead to all sorts of less-than-desirable places.

This week’s tool is about being mindful of our mental health matters. This involves recognizing and acknowledging the state of our being, mentally.

To do so, please write down and answer these questions:

·        What are you thinking about?

·        What feelings are your thoughts causing you to feel?

·        Do you feel logical and reasoned or illogical and unreasonable?

·        How do you feel?

These questions and answers make you mindful, here and now, of your mental health. That helps you to balance, center, and use your mental health to improve your overall health, wellness, and wellbeing.

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I’ll be honest – I just don’t get it.

Take COVID-19. Logic and reason, alongside science, suggested ways to slow or even stop the spread. Most are super easy acts of kindness, compassion, and caring.

·        Maintain a social distance of 6 feet apart.

·        Wear masks in public.

·        If you are feeling unwell, isolate yourself.

It is not an imposition

Why have logical, reasonable acts of kindness, compassion, and caring become an imposition?

Because that’s the false narrative that too many “in power” are willingly embracing and spreading.

Why? Because of false narratives of lack, scarcity, and insufficiency.

Lack, scarcity, and insufficiency lead to panic. Panic leads to fear. And with fear, many of our so-called leaders use it to sway the masses. Often, against their better self-interests.

We are not imposing on anyone else

Because there is nothing we can do for the big-picture issues of the world, all we can do is be the best person that we can be.

We get to choose if we will practice kindness, compassion, caring, and empathy. You and I decide if logic and reason win out over irrationality and fear.

When we practice kindness, compassion, caring, and empathy – we are not imposing on anyone else. You are not an imposition if you insist on wearing a mask in public, maintaining social distancing, or avoiding people and places to stay healthy.

The more we practice kindness, compassion, caring, and empathy individually – the more we can shift the collective consciousness to recognize that it's never an imposition.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

It is stunningly easy to practice kindness, compassion, empathy and caring on a regular basis.

This will have zero cost in dollars, and very little cost in time. But I believe it’s utterly worthwhile.

This week’s tool is easy. Consciously perform a random act of kindness, compassion, and/or caring a day for a week.

Random acts of this sort include, but are not limited to:

·        Hold a door open for someone

·        Allow another car to make a turn or merge in front of you

·        Call a friend in need

·        Jump-start a stranger’s car

·        Leave a tip for the baristas

You get the idea.

Write each one down. At the end of the week, read what you did – and think about and feel how it made them and you feel.

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First and foremost – let’s recognize, acknowledge, and accept that change is the only constant in the Universe.

Given the opportunity, I would love to change the way the United States handles taxes, health care, education, the separation of church and state, and various other elements. The reality is that the only way I can do that in any way is to vote in elections, write and call representatives, attend protests, and share information to help spread empowering ideas.

We have no power to change anyone other than ourselves. We can share ideas and influence people to choose to change themselves. But we can’t change them.

When we turn our focus and attention towards the world at large and the big picture, we disempower ourselves.

Be the change you wish to see

Yeah, that line gets overused a lot. However, it’s the truth. Care to make a change? Make it.

The problem here is perception. Often, when we decide to go ahead and make change – and start with ourselves – accusations of selfishness start to fly. Or at least, the perception of being selfish can come when we start working on or with change.

Here’s the thing – we can only control our lives. Our selves. You and I have no power over anyone else. And to be honest – that’s more than enough power. I don’t want to be responsible or accountable for anyone else. Do you?

We are empowered

When we recognize and acknowledge that we can only change ourselves, we can work with that framework to change anything at all within our own life experiences. Knowing that we have that much power and control over our own lives, we can use this via mindfulness to take control of active work with change. This empowers us – but that makes us a beacon to help others empower themselves, too.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Change is the one and only constant in the Universe. A great deal of change is utterly and completely outside of our control.

But there are elements of change we can control. This week’s mindfulness tool is applied mindfulness to create a change.

How does this work?

1.      Be present, now. Ask yourself the questions that make you consciously aware of what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, your intentions, and related actions you are taking.

2.      Choose something simple you would like to change. Start with something tangible. For example:

·        Change toothpaste

·        Choose a different route when you take a routine trip

·        Order something different from your usual restaurant

·        Switch the music you normally listen to when doing a certain project

·        Read a book in a genre you have never chosen before

3.      When what you have chosen to do is done, ask yourself again what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, your intentions, and related actions you are taking. Then write it down.

Why bother? Because this mindfulness tool shows an example of something you might take for granted that is utterly yours to control. And choosing such a thing to change opens the door to intangible and other possibilities for choosing what you change.

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When you were a child, you believed you could do anything. Hell, you may even have believed that you could fly. You were open and eager and ready to explore and experience all the amazingness that life could offer you.

If your why involves what you are doing with your life, then keep at it and rock on! If, however, your why has nothing to do with where your life currently is, do you know what your why is, and the reason you desire it?

Getting to know your why

For a lot of people, they actually haven’t the foggiest idea of what they desire for their life. They may have an idea here, a thought there, an abstract notion along the way…but are unaware of what shape it can and might take and how to implement it.

The question, when you know your why, that might come up is this: Are you worthy? Do you deserve this?

Great or small, whatever why drives you, in all likelihood, has the same end goal in mind. No matter who you are, or what your why is, odds are the reason behind it is going to be similar, even if the shape is not.

The reason: Satisfaction. Contentment. Happiness. Joy. Feeling good.

How do you know and achieve your why?

Mindfulness. Becoming aware and cognizant of your thoughts and feelings will get you where and why you desire to go. Too many people allow themselves to be disempowered and pushed around into societal expectations and following the reality of the collective consciousness because that’s what gets drilled into them.

But remember – your why changes as you change, grow, and evolve.

Consciousness creates reality.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

If you are uncertain about what your why is, this week’s tool is designed to help you find your why. And if you think you know your why it can help you to makes sure you are on track.

Write down or type out and answer these questions:

·        What activity gets you fired up?

·        What do you do where you lose track of time?

·        How do you feel after this activity?

·        If you were the last person on Earth – would you still seek this activity?

There are other questions of this nature that can help you learn your why. But these are a good basis.

Also, keep in mind that you can have more than one why, and that your why will change as you change.

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Being virtually gut-punched constantly takes a toll on everyone. And that is why positive intention matters more now than ever.

Positivity empowers. It is an open door, a window to the world, an option that feels good, right, and true.

Choosing positivity, on the other hand, empowers because it’s the equivalent of persevering and keeping on. I can do it. Everything is figureoutable. There is hope. It’s doable. Can you see how empowering choosing that is?

When you actively, mindfully choose positivity, you choose to take back your empowerment. The empowerment that is your birthright.

What is toxic positivity?

Toxic positivity is the notion that a positive attitude – while ignoring and disregarding all else – will make the world a better place. If you just think and act positively, all the time, you can improve the world.

Real positivity recognizes and acknowledges that sh*! happens. You will have bad days. Negativity will dominate your life from time to time. But – real positivity is a choice. Over time, you can continue to feel negative and let it be your dominant life experience – or find and/or create positivity where you can.

Mindfulness and intention

Once you recognize and acknowledge how you feel – and that it’s negative – you have a choice. Seek positivity and the hope it offers? Or stay in the negativity and lose hope?

How do your use positive intention? Mindfulness.

Mindfulness is you being consciously aware, in the present, of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. That opens the way to you taking charge and – if your thoughts and feelings are negative – taking control and changing them with positive intention.

And this is all about intent. Because you intend to turn from facing the negative end of the cylinder to the positive end that you can control here and now.

With positive intention comes hope. Because rather than being in and seeing negativity all around, you are choosing to find and/or create positivity. And that is where hope lives.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Mindfulness lets you recognize your present state of being. It’s how you know your mood, attitude, and conscious self here and now.

Via recognition of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions, you can and will know yourself and where you are.

But what about where you are going? This is where positive intention comes in.

Like the basic mindfulness questions, recognizing if your intent is positive or negative is also a matter of asking yourself questions. These should be asked aloud whenever you desire to gauge where you’re facing. You might also want to write them out.

·        Are my thoughts making me feel positive or negative?

·        Do my feelings skew negative or positive?

·        Am I taking actions that build positivity or negativity?

·        Is my intent to build up with positivity or take down with negativity?

Yes, this might seem overly simple. But when, if ever, have you asked yourself these questions before?

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We’re told that we should not put ourselves first. Instead, we should put our children, loved ones, family, friends, bosses, coworkers, country, religion, God, and everyone and everything else that you can think of first. Pick the institution, organization, or individual – they’ll all tell you that you shouldn’t put yourself ahead of anyone or anything else.

I am all for generosity. And I love to give of my time, donate to worthy causes, instruct, share, and help wherever I can. It feels amazing to give like that. But if I don’t ever put myself first – before long, I’m suffering.

My health, wellness, and wellbeing are impacted if I do not practice self-care. Whether physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual – if I don’t take care of my health, who will?

What is true selfishness?

The definition of selfish from the Merriam-Webster dictionary is:

1.      concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself | seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others

2.      arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others

(Emphasis added by me)

Phrases of note here – without regard for others and in disregard of others. In other words, with intent. With malice of forethought.

Choosing to care for and look out for yourself is not with selfish intent. Not unless you do so without care or regard for anyone or anything else.

Accountability separates self-care from selfishness

The first step in this process is to recognize and acknowledge the need for self-care. You need to be accountable for how the things you do for yourself – or not – impact your health, wellness, and wellbeing.

By being accountable, you can more easily separate self-care from selfishness. But there is still an issue to address.

When you refuse to spend a weekend with that awful relative or to engage in more than pleasantries with them – they might see your actions as selfish.

You can’t help others recognize self-care from selfishness.

You are worthy and deserving of good health, overall wellness, and wellbeing. Which means you are worthy and deserving of self-care.

Remember – it’s far easier to care for others when you start with self-care.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Unselfish self-care practices can and should always begin small.

At least once a day for the next week, do one of the following (or something similar)

·        Take 5 minutes for yourself, alone, without interruption.

·        Read at least 1 chapter of a book for pleasure

·        Watch something you enjoy uninterrupted

·        Take a luxurious bath or shower

·        Go for a walk in nature

·        Eat and savor that treat you love

·        Do something for you and only you

Whatever you choose – for 5 minutes to an hour a day, do something that is all about caring for your physical, mental, emotional, and or spiritual self.

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·        Unconsciousness is that which you do purely automatically. Overall breathing, swallowing, digesting, and similar things your mind and central nervous system do unaided.

·        Subconsciousness is where your habits, beliefs, values, and overall sense of self exist. It is subconscious because you CAN access it — but largely don’t. Subconscious is passive, doing things by rote and routine.

·        Consciousness is here and now. It’s your inner being, specifically your mindset/headspace/psyche sense of self. Consciousness is active, choosing and deciding things in the moment.

For the most part, you can ignore the unconscious mind. But the conscious and the subconscious are what make you, you.

The conscious mind is where your overall inner being and mindset/headspace/psyche self lives. It is who you think/feel/know yourself to be, here and now, as you read these words.

Getting in touch with your conscious mind is done via mindfulness. Mindfulness, of course, is your conscious awareness of sensory input coupled with thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions in the present.

Your subconscious mind - the deeply rooted aspects of you

Within your subconscious are all your beliefs, values, and habits. You are likely aware of many. But there are also, quite probably, many that you are not so aware of.

Your subconscious takes in all that you experience, learn, see, think, feel, and whatnot. Then, because it lacks the filters of the conscious mind, many things it absorbs sit there and leave a lasting impression that you would not have consciously chosen.

Where does ego come in?

Ego is something of a bridge between your conscious and subconscious mind.

On the one hand, ego is how you project yourself to the world. Meanwhile, on the other hand, ego is how you project yourself within to yourself.

Ego is where the subconscious often manifests itself consciously in who, what, where, how, and how you are.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

These are things you can do on a regular basis to align your conscious and subconscious mind.

This is less of a one-shot tool than a use as necessary as frequently as desired tool.

These are the practices that will help you align your conscious and subconscious minds.

·        Physical – Get exercise regularly, maintain a healthier sustainable diet, and getting more sleep.

·        Mental – Read daily. I read a minimum of 1 chapter each of fiction and nonfiction (mindfulness, self-improvement, consciousness-focused work).

·       Emotional – Journaling daily can help you keep ahold of your thoughts and feelings and express honestly with yourself where you are at. Also, consider writing out 5 gratitude statements every night before bed, plus five positive “I AM” statements.

·       Spiritual – Practice taking breaks for 2 minutes of uninterrupted deep breathing at least twice a day. Learn a means to meditate for 5-30 minutes a day.

Working on physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health is a conscious act. In turn, it makes us aware of our mindset/headspace/psyche selves. That awareness opens us to getting in touch with our subconscious and working to alter, change, remove, or otherwise control the habits, beliefs, and values we hold. And then we can see more clearly what our ego is projecting both within and without.

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Recognizing this can help you turn to people when it strikes and find better ways to cope with and combat it.

Call it what you will, depression is something far more people cope with than you might realize.

This is a very real mental and emotional health problem that should neither be ignored, nor swept under the rug. Yet there are still many, many people who do not recognize or acknowledge the depth of the issue.

Perspective differs for everyone

These are my experiences with depression. Though they may be familiar to you if you also combat depression, they may also be utterly alien as well. Depression manifests differently for different people.

This is one of the problems, I believe, with both recognizing and treating depression. It has so many different faces, masks, and means that it can be confusing at best, infuriating, and utterly illogical at worst.

Depression can manifest as anger, sadness, mania, frustration, fear, rage, uncertainty, and a bizarre mix of all of these and more.

There is no shame in depression

This is probably the most important stigma to address. There is no shame in fighting depression.

There is no shame whatsoever in working with any mental illness. We need to be more open about how pervasive mental, emotional, and even spiritual health issues are, and how they ultimately can impact our physical health.

Ask for help

Because of the stigma attached to depression, as well as all of the complexities involved in experiencing it, asking for help can be really hard. No, I am not necessarily talking about professional help here. The people who love and care about you should be able to offer a hand when you need it.

And if they are incapable, there are many other options. There are helplines you can call, there are organizations you can reach out to. And you probably, as a reader of these types of articles, know many others who understand what this is like to one degree or another.

You are not alone. I will be more than happy to give you any of the tools I have used with mindfulness, conscious reality creation, and meditation practices, that I can. Or at the very least, an ear (or eye if via text communication) of understanding.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This is going to be a slightly more involved tool.

Journaling is an amazing way to clear your mind. It lets you honestly and authentically take what is in your head and put it somewhere you can see.

While you could type this, I highly recommend doing this in a dedicated notebook or blank journal.

To begin, pick a time every day (start with weekdays, Monday-Friday) to sit with a pen and your journal.

Write out stream-of-consciousness what you are thinking, what and how you are feeling, and anything else that comes to mind. Don’t hold back, and don’t be afraid of judgment. Nobody else will read this because you are keeping it for and to yourself.

Try journaling for at least 2 weeks, 5 days a week. If you can’t get a whole page at a time, write as much as you can.

This could be a lifetime activity. Though I have had periods where I was not actively journaling. I’ve been doing so semi-regularly since 1992.

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The starting point for dealing with feeling frequently distraught, uncertain, and otherwise negative is self-care.

Who is in your head? You. And you’re it. There is nobody else in there. Thus, if you don’t take the time and make the effort to care for your self – who will? Because you are the only one in your heart, head, and soul, only you can care for your health, wellness, and wellbeing.

This applies to all four elements of health. Physical health, mental health, emotional health, and spiritual health. If you allow any of these elements to have a deficiency and suffer, in time all of them will. They’re interconnected, and they are what make us into who, what, where, how, and why we are.

You begin by recognizing this truth. Once you recognize it, you need to acknowledge it. It’s super easy to recognize something and then ignore, disregard, or walk away from it. If you don’t acknowledge it, you can’t do anything about it.

How do you deal with feeling frequently distraught and other negatives?

Before I begin, one very important note. There is no One-Size-Fits-All answer. Frankly, there never is.

·        Do not watch the news or read the papers.

·        Get off social media.

·        Seek and find joyful things.

Not watching the news on TV and reading newspapers, getting off of social media, and seeking/finding joyful things are just a few ways to deal with feeling frequently distraught, uncertain, or otherwise negative.

Distraught? You are not alone!

Believe me – you are so, so, so not alone right now. The world is crazy – but I suspect it’s not crazier than it’s ever been. We just know it more clearly thanks to the visceral immediacy of the internet and 24-hour news cycle.

You are not the only one feeling the feeling s you’re feeling right now. I think with only a few exceptions, nearly all of us are feeling this. If you have kindness, caring, compassion, and empathy in you – you feel it.

That’s the most disheartening part of it all. Most of these big-picture issues are as problematic as they are because they lack kindness, compassion, and empathy.

Know this – you are not selfish for practicing self-care. You are worthy and deserving of caring for your health, wellness, and wellbeing. And there is no shame in feeling frequently distraught or otherwise negative. No shame at all.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This is applicable to multiple situations. Create Attitude Shifters.

Write down 5 things that always shift your attitude. These should be 5, easily accessible memories that make you smile, or just generally feel good.

These can include things like:

·        A certain child’s laughter

·        A song that makes you want to dance

·        Holding your lover’s hand

·        The smell of your favorite coffee brewing or bread baking

·        Enjoying a particular sweet or savory food

·        Standing outside in a warm summer rain

You get the idea. Then, keep these attitude shifters handy. Put them on an index card or keep them where you can easily reference them to change your attitude when you are feeling distraught, uncertain, or otherwise negative.

In a month – write down 5 more. This is a great way to remember that there is good in the world and your life experience.

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There are things that you and I can do on our own to work on getting healthy on all levels. Allow me to further illustrate this below.

Physical health

Eat healthy food. Move, get exercise regularly. Get yourself plenty of sleep. Put yourself in the sun from time to time. Take showers and baths to be clean. Physical health is anything you can do to improve your body.

This body you occupy is the physical manifestation of who you are. It’s easy to ignore and disrespect our physical selves. When we do, we set ourselves up to be unhealthy. That’s natural — because sometimes focusing on our other aspects and outside influences causes us to ignore our bodies.

Mental health

Stress, anxiety, and depression — untreated — can make you physically sick and even kill you. Untreated mental health issues will also impact your ability to heal from injuries.

Good mental health can and will assist in healing physical health. Conversely, it will also get in the way. You can recognize the state of your mental health and act to be healthy if you are not.

Emotional health

Emotional health is different from mental because it’s about feeling versus thought.

Emotional health is your actual feelings. It’s asking and answering the question of “How do you feel?” How and what are separate. Emotional health is the step past your mental health into the actuality of feelings.

Spiritual health

Many think this is about belief in God or another higher power. But spiritual health is not about what you believe and have faith in outside of yourself. It’s about what you believe and have faith in within yourself.

This is where the power of the words “I am” takes the most shape. “I am awesome” empowers your spirit, whereas “I am a loser” disempowers. If you have little faith and belief in yourself, this is where it shows.

This is utterly intangible and beyond the understanding of physical, mental, and emotional health. Yet it’s of equal importance to you, your wellbeing, and getting healthy.

The four elements of health, wellness, and wellbeing

All four of these elements, together, can make you healthy. When you recognize, acknowledge, and work with them your health WILL improve.

When your health improves it will be noticed by others.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Caring for all elements of your health is self-care. Mental, emotional, physical, spiritual – whatever. It all comes together and counts together for your wellness and wellbeing overall.

This week’s tool is open-ended. It requires you to take from 5-30 minutes, depending on what you can spare to act on this.

1.      Clear 5-30 minutes for this process. No interruptions, no other obligations. Time for you and you alone.

2.      Take three deep, cleansing, slow breaths in and out. Clear the tension in your body with airflow.

3.      Do any one of the following:

• ·        Go for a hike in nature.
• ·        Meditate somewhere comfortable and calm.
• ·        Prepare and eat an amazing meal or tasty snack.
• ·        Treat yourself to a massage, facial, Reiki, or some other similar modality.
• ·        Take a bike ride.
• ·        Read a book.
• ·        Masturbate.
• ·        Go to the Gym.
• ·        Paint, sculpt, write poetry, or do some other art.
• ·        Watch something that you know will make you laugh or cry.

4.      Repeat step 2 and take three more deep, cleansing, slow breaths in and out. Create the transition from this you-time to other obligations and needs.

Do this at least 3 times during the next week. Find and/or create this space for your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health – wellness – and wellbeing. You are worthy and deserving of this!

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I believe that these are the three most powerful phrases anyone can employ:

·        I am

·        I love you

·        Thank you

All three are empowering. Each of them is an ultimate generator of conscious reality creation. And all three can create positivity and good feelings both for you as the speaker and those who you share them with.

When you say thank you and express gratitude – real, genuine, sincere gratitude – you empower. This is not just about that which you are giving thanks to or for – but yourself.

Gratitude is a two-way street

When you do something for someone – big or small – how does it feel to get told “thank you” for the action?

Have you ever watched someone else’s face light up because you thanked them? Gained cooperation and a better relationship with someone because you thanked them?

Giving gratitude is just as powerful as getting it. And there is no other force in the entire Universe that has such power. This is why thank you is one of the three most powerful phrases you can employ.

I think genuine, sincere gratitude might be the only thing in the Universe that is not negative.

The sustainability of gratitude

Why do you think so many businesses are having issues getting and retaining workers? Lack of gratitude. That’s reflected in lousy working conditions, an imbalance of work/life, crap pay, insufficient or no benefits, and treating employees like dirt beneath their feet or worse.

This is also reflected in a corporate culture that puts shareholders ahead of consumers. When you make a product or offer a service – but only see those you make them for as numbers rather than the people behind them – you lack thankfulness. And in time, those people will come to see that – and stop patronizing you.

That’s why all these places where giving thanks and being grateful are neglected are unsustainable. Because, ultimately, when you don’t give gratitude, you don’t get it, either.

When you give thanks, you get thanks.

It doesn’t matter if you give thanks for a person, place, thing, or whatever. Tangible or intangible, gratitude empowers. When you give more, you get more.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Unless you are an extreme introvert – this one is easy.

For the next week, make it a point to say “thank you” frequently.

Any wait staff, customer service people, cashiers, friends, family, coworkers, whatever. If they do anything at all that you are grateful for and appreciative of, say “thank you.”

Don’t just say it – feel it. Let the sense of gratitude wash over you and sink in. Don’t you love how good it feels to offer thanks for the actions of another?

And yes – this also applies to grumpy employees who are doing their best in difficult situations. For every pleasant customer, many deal with double or trouble that number in unpleasantness. Show them kindness, compassion, and empathy by offering gratitude. Genuine, gratitude.

See if saying “thank you” to others ricochets back with more feeling of gratitude for you, too.

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Self-awareness is available to and for everyone. This is not something reserved for the super-intelligent, uber-rich, or otherwise privileged. No matter where you come from or who you are you are capable of being aware.

The truth: Everyone is perfectly imperfect

While it is important to be responsible and accountable for your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions - there is a massively important aspect of this notion we cannot ignore.

When you have accepted responsibility and taken on accountability, you need to forgive yourself.

Forgiveness can be difficult in many ways. When somebody does something awful to you, directly or indirectly, it may not be so easy to forgive them.

But in many respects, it is even harder for us to forgive ourselves.

5 Universal Truths of Your Self

These 5 truths are, in no particular order:

·        You will screw up. Plain and simple, you are going to screw up in some way.

·        You will fail. The best-laid plans and all that stuff. Sometimes, you fail.

·        You will be wrong. Nobody is right all the time, whether this involves thoughts, feelings, actions, or a combination therein.

·        You will get hurt. Might be mental, emotional, physical, or all of the above. Sorry, it’s part of the human condition.

·        You will hurt others. Most likely this is mental/emotional and unintentional, but because you cannot control how other people feel, causing hurt happens.

Being responsible and accountable is a first step in forgiving yourself

Straight to the point. When you acknowledge your screw-up, failure, wrong, hurt, or whatever, and do not blame another for it - it clears the air.

Ever do something wrong, and fear what would happen when you fessed up to it? When you did, even if it went badly for you, didn’t you FEEL relieved, and better? That matters.

This is why it’s better to take on responsibility and accountability for yourself. You clear the air and create an endpoint - rather than an open-ended question of doubt and uncertainty that blame tends to make. You might not like doing it, you might feel ashamed, angry, frustrated, or any number of other unpleasant feelings about it, but it is still the best thing to do.

Accepting these 5 truths about yourself might seem unpleasant – but in truth, it’s utterly freeing.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This tool is like the previous one created for accountability. But this is for recognizing and acknowledging these truths from past

I am a firm believer in the power of writing things down. That’s where this idea comes from.

1.      Make some time. This is a focused exercise. But it should take no more than 5-10 minutes.

2.      Breathe deep. Take several deep breaths in and out, to slow your heart and be as fully present as possible.

3.      Write and reflect. Take a look back at your life, and write out what comes to your mind immediately:

a.      A time you screwed up

b.      A time you failed

c.      Some instance when you were wrong

d.      Something that happened where you got hurt (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.)

e.      A time you hurt someone

4.      Choose one above instance. Write out in detail more about that instance.

5.      Reflect on it. Be mindful of it. Consider it, but also make note that it has passed. What did you learn from it? You can write this out or not.

6.      Forgive yourself. Just say “I’m sorry” to yourself.

Further steps are wholly on you. For example, you might desire to apologize to someone else. Or write it out and burn it to release it.

This is not easy. But it can be incredibly cathartic.

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Taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions matters in all you do.

Modern society hates to be accountable. But damn, do they love to blame.

When you are mindful, you are choosing to be aware of yourself. You are aware of what you are thinking, how you are feeling, and actions you are taking from there.

When we are mindful of ourselves, we need to be accountable. Why? Because the only way to improve our lot in life is to be accountable for being where we have gotten to in the first place.

Society loves to blame. We see it on every level, from the child who doesn’t want to be punished for stealing a cookie to the President who doesn’t want to be responsible for anything. We blame someone or something else, rather than take responsibility and be accountable for that which we have done.

You are not accountable for some things

Let me put this out there right now. Some things happen due to outside influences for which you and I are not accountable or responsible.

An important note here – while “we” are not accountable for these outside matters, we are capable of doing things to change them. Supporting the protests and organizations that represent progress and positive change, voting in elections, and calling and writing letters to the leadership demanding action are a few options.

Accountability is empowering

One of the best ways to be empowered is to be accountable for yourself. Whatever thoughts, feelings, and actions you have, accountability is how you take control.

Consciousness creates reality. Practicing mindfulness and becoming aware of your mindset/headspace/psyche gives you control of your life. Then, being accountable and responsible for the results of the things you think, feel, and do empowers you.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

This is an ongoing practice that is incredibly practical and utterly freeing.

When you make a mistake, screw up, get something wrong, err, or otherwise fail – own up to it. Be accountable.

While you cannot undo, redo, or otherwise alter the past – if there is something that you did not take responsibility for then – you can do it now.

In either case, here’s a good tool for practicing accountability:

1.      Write it down. Whatever the situation was – especially if it went wrong – write it down. Put it there, on paper. While it might suck and be bad – odds are it’s not so terrible that it will have a long-term, negative impact on your life experience.

2.      Write out what you did wrong. Be specific. Don’t blame, don’t make excuses, and don’t half-ass this. What did you do wrong?

3.      What did you learn from this experience? Every experience in life teaches us something. Yes, that can be insignificant or a very of-the-moment lesson – but you learn something. Write it down and see what you come up with.

4.      What can you do differently next time? To be fair – there might not be an answer to this question. But asking it can give some clarity, insight, and possibly new ideas that serve this and/or other situations.

You can save this, erase it, or whatever when you are done. It might be helpful to keep it as a reminder. Likewise, it might also be worthwhile to acknowledge it and then let it go – by not keeping it.

When we are accountable, we’re empowered. And we make ourselves capable of action for change.

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We can think and feel all day long – and go nowhere.

Without taking action – thought and feeling have no power.

It is this idea that, to me, explains the meaning of my favorite Yoda quote,

“Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”

The concept of “try” doesn’t necessarily connect to action. I can try to do virtually anything I set my mind to. But it’s meaningless without the action of doing.

That’s why “do” is so much more powerful. It sets you up for action. And action is the only way to make anything at all happen.

Actions speak louder than words

Actions have more power than thoughts and feelings.

If you desire to make anything at all happen in your life – action is required. To control anything that occurs in your life - you take action.

When you employ conscious awareness – mindfulness – you choose action versus inaction. And sometimes that means you choose to be inactive. That’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Why is action so important?

Why is action so important to making anything at all happen? Because action empowers. Empowerment is how we choose our life experiences and pick what we desire to do, be, and have.

When you choose to act for yourself and your life experience – you take control. It may not go how you intend for it to go – and there are always going to be outside influences you can never control - but it’s still you doing the driving. That’s why anything at all that happens is always a product of action.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Do you have something that’s been hijacking, sabotaging, or otherwise invading your thoughts and feelings?

This week’s mindfulness tool takes that thing in your head you would very much like to let go of and applies action to that end.

Here’s how.

1.      Write it all down - on paper. Whatever the thing that you would like to let go if is – get the whole thing on paper. Put your heart and soul into it, whatever it is. Write, don’t type this. Get all the feeling attached to it, and every last detail past and present related to it onto that paper.

2.      Read it. Aloud. When you read it give it all the thought and feeling like you’re pouring water from a pitcher.

3.      Destroy it. Tear it to shreds, set it on fire, or do something else literal and cathartic to destroy it as completely as possible.

You can do this for more than one thing separately or put many things down. I tried this myself recently and the release that came with the action felt amazing.

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Not to put too fine a point on it, feeling grateful and expressing gratitude is not an act of selfishness.

How can I express gratitude when so many people are suffering so horridly? Because feeling grateful for things in no way disempowers anyone else. All those people who are experiencing awful things and suffering do not have their lot in life made worse when you are thankful for things.

I know how hard this is. But consciousness creates reality. When we get focused on all this awfulness around us, we discuss it, we rant about it, we feel terrible seeing it, we inadvertently energize it more.

When we are not grateful for what we have, material or immaterial, we haven’t much to work with to gain more.

Gratitude is abundance

Saying thank you and FEELING thankful is empowering. When you receive genuine thanks, doesn’t it make you feel good? Giving it is equally as powerful as receiving it.

We can be grateful for a truly infinite number of things. Intangibles like air, laughter, joy, and love are no less powerful than the tangibles like sunlight, clean drinking water, coffee, the grass beneath your feet. Saying thank you for material tangibles like iPhones, people, pets, and anything else you have or desire to have is no more powerful - and an equal when partaking of an abundant universe.

Gratitude is more than saying Thank You

Expressing gratitude, not just saying it but feeling it, creates an overall sense of satisfaction. This puts you in a place of abundance, rather than a place of lack and scarcity. As such, when you are working on creating something new - or improving the life you already have - this has you doing so from abundance rather than lack.

Gratitude is a two-way street. Not only does it open you to more abundance, satisfaction, and fulfillment, but it also opens up anyone you give it to to the same. A genuine thank you presented to another person is appreciation that appreciates.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Gratitude for what we already have – real, genuine thankfulness – empowers our conscious reality creation ability to acquire more things to be grateful for.

Being grateful, and expressing it, is like any other muscle. The more you use it the stronger it gets.

This week’s tool is a simple gratitude-building exercise.

Once a day, either first in the morning or at the end of the day, sit down and WRITE OUT five (5) things that you are grateful for.

They can be utterly simple and intangible or complex and tangible. Just write each one down.

Take a moment to read each. Read it as “thank you for” or “I am grateful for”. Pause after reading it and let yourself FEEL it.

Do this for a week – and see that you have many, many things for which to be grateful.

Feel free to do this more often – and past the week of the Applied Guidance for Mindfulness tool usage.

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Despite the effort I have been making for over a decade to live life on my own terms, choosing my own paths – there is an ongoing challenge I can never seem to shake.

I recently finished reading Gary John Bishop’s Stop Doing that Sh*t: End Self-Sabotage and Demand Your Life Back, and now I have a much clearer view of the how and why of my self-sabotaging behaviors.

Where do the self-sabotage and second-guessing come from?

Mr. Bishop asserts that there are three conclusions we draw that becomes the root of self-sabotage that embed themselves into our subconscious. There, they are rooted – and jam up the works when said conclusions are challenged.

Conclusion one – the self

My conclusion - I am unworthy. Do I keep sabotaging myself because what I have concluded about myself is that I’m not worth it?

Conclusion two – other people

My conclusion - people are capricious or people are inconsistent.

Conclusion three - life

My conclusion - Life is an unfair uphill battle.

We are nor our thoughts or feelings

Second-guessing and self-sabotaging originate as thoughts. And the combination of thought and feeling gives them agency in our heads.

All this plays into our subconsciousness. While we could do a deep dive and try to root it out – that’s not all that productive.

Instead, we need to be here, now. Mindful. Consciously self-aware of our current, conscious thoughts, feelings, and intentions.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Borrowing from Mr. Bishop, this week’s tool is a simple process to identify the sources of your self-sabotage and second-guessing behaviors.

Identify the Saboteurs

You only need two minutes or so for each of these. I recommend doing them all no more than a day apart.

Step 1: Take 2 or 3 deep breaths in and out to focus

Step 2: Close your eyes.

Step 3: Think back on a situation where you know that you sabotaged yourself.

Step 4: Ask yourself, what conclusion did I make about myself that contributed to this?

Step 5: Write it down

At another time (preferably the next day), repeat steps 1-3, replace step 4 with this: Ask yourself, what conclusion did I make about other people that contributed to this?

Then, at yet another time (preferably the next day), repeat steps 1-3, replace step 4 with this: Ask yourself, what conclusion did I make about life that contributed to this?

Know this – they can’t be fixed or undone – but knowing them helps us to avoid them.

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This is selfishness: You take and take, give nothing back, and don’t give a damn who you hurt in the process. You know your action is going to cause harm - but you don’t care. You know full well that your thoughts, feelings, and resulting actions are going to be bad for others. That is what selfishness is.

Selfishness comes from a lack mentality. You take what you believe to be yours and leave nothing for anyone else because you believe that there is not enough, or you don’t care.

Self-awareness opens you to broader awareness

When you practice mindfulness you are practicing being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and the intent of your actions. That awareness makes you conscious in the here-and-now, taking control from your subconscious, unthinking mind.

Being aware of yourself makes you more aware of everyone and everything else, too. Mindfulness empowers you to experience more fully and completely all that life has to offer. That is not selfish, because it allows you to pull others to the light, too. How can that be in any way selfish?

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Meditation is not for everyone. But not everyone needs a concentrated mindfulness practice of mediation when a guided, 2-minute pause will do. 

This entails a very simple exercise. You can do it anywhere at any time.

1.      Seat yourself comfortably

2.      Set a time with a chime or non-jarring alarm for 2 minutes and 5 seconds

3.      Start the timer

4.      Close your eyes

5.      Take the deepest breath in that you can. Breathe from the diaphragm

6.      Release the breath fully

7.      Repeat steps 5 and 6

8.      Open your eyes and return to your day

Anyone can find 2 minutes for deep breathing at one point or another during the day. This can calm, center, and refocus you so that you can be more mindful and self-aware.

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Mindfulness of your own headspace will help you be better aware of the outside world and how it impacts you.

Mindfulness is a matter of being aware of yourself. To put it simply, mindfulness is recognizing, acknowledging, and knowing what is inside your own head.

Mindfulness is self-awareness. It is knowing what you are thinking, how you are feeling, what you are feeling, what actions you are taking, and the intentions behind them.

Recognize nobody else is in your head, heart, and soul – but you

The only person who can know what you are thinking and what and how you are feeling is YOU. There is nobody else inside of your head.

This is mindfulness. Awareness of your thoughts and feelings. But it’s not simply awareness, as in oh, hey that’s what’s on my mind or I am feeling how I am feeling. No, it’s also about your ability to recognize and acknowledge your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Once you have that recognition and acknowledgment, you become empowered to influence, control, alter, and change your life experience.

How do I express mindfulness?

The simplest and easiest way to recognize mindfulness is to ask yourself direct questions. 

We are constantly asking our friends, families, coworkers, even random strangers questions like these. Yet it is infrequent of us to direct these questions inwards. But asking these questions is applied mindfulness.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Ask yourself, preferably aloud, the following direct questions or questions like these:

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling? 

·        How am I feeling? 

·        Where is my mind? 

·        What am I thinking about? 

·        What am I focused on? 

·        What is my intention at this moment?

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No two days are ever exactly alike. I’ve come to better understand that over the years. Change, however, is the only constant in the whole Universe.

I have come to realize that the best way to continuing growing, evolving, and striving to improve myself requires ongoing change. Which is a choice that I can make – or not.

This quote from Socrates resonates with the why of choosing to change,

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

Change is the only constant in the Universe

How do you adapt when it happens?

The only absolutely certain constant in the Universe is change. Change will happen – sometimes slowly, sometimes instantaneously. Like it or not, change happens.

Some people are very good at adapting to change when it happens. Others are less good at it. Of course, some people just don’t adapt well or at all.

Why am I rebranding?

The truth is that I am not getting the message I desire to across to people. Awareness for everyone is too vague. Self-Awareness for Everyone is more direct and poignant.

What’s more, I need to add clarity to the message. Thus, the new tagline – Applied Guidance for Mindfulness.

The intent is clarity both for myself and my listeners.

Coming Friday, March 4 – The first episode of my new brand. Please tune-in and tell your friends!

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Recognizing who you can and can’t please is a highly freeing, positive act.

You may or may not be familiar with this quote attributed to both Abraham Lincoln and John Lydgate,

“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

If you are a people pleaser – this is a bitter pill to swallow. But doing so is surprisingly freeing.

Like it or not – it is impossible to please everyone. And though this can be frustrating and infuriating – it’s actually a good thing.

Why? Because recognizing this truth helps us to better be our genuine selves.

What does being our genuine selves mean?

How many times have you done something because you thought it was what someone else expected? Or you did something to accommodate someone – even though it didn’t please you in the least, nor feel all that good to do?

That’s what being your genuine self is all about. It’s doing things – even for other people – from your true self.

Meaning? It comes from your values and beliefs. You’re doing the thing not to just please someone – but because it’s a thing you desire to do.

Please the few and yourself

The reason I believe recognizing and acknowledging this is both positive and empowering is that that allows you to alter your course.

Trying to please everyone will drive you mad. Because you can’t. Try though you might – not everyone can or will be pleased.

This isn’t a license to be an ass or treat people poorly, or without kindness and compassion. But what it does instead allows you to stop wasting time and effort that disempowers, exhausts, or otherwise harms you.

Seeing that you can’t please all the people all the time allows you to step back and say, “Sorry, I can’t,” “Not today,” “No, thank you,” or any other polite rejection. You empower yourself to work for your betterment and overall mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

Recently, I have been exploring practical mindfulness not to create change – but simply for situational awareness. That is in-the-now conscious awareness.

True conscious awareness involves recognition of what’s going on inside of myself. Since I’m the only one inside of my head, heart, and soul, I alone can employ this.

Where does mindfulness come from?

Mindfulness comes from my sensory input combined with my thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. That makes me consciously aware – here and now, in this present moment – of my mindset/headspace/psyche self.

That conscious awareness extends further inwards to my subconscious mind and my beliefs, values, and habits. Together, they help me to recognize my ego – which is who, what, and how I believe myself to be and then project to the world at large.

Situational awareness is a regular necessity

The important thing to note here is that practicing mindfulness is not one-and-done. It’s ongoing. Because it is utterly rooted in the moment. The now. And it only works at the time of its application.

By regularly using practical mindfulness, I know myself at the moment of its employment. And that empowers me to make choices for my health, wellness, and wellbeing.

Via mindfulness, I gain conscious awareness of everything that impacts my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. And from there – I see how to find and/or create ways to push through whatever my day might hold.

For your practical mindfulness

Take a moment at least once a day to ask these questions aloud

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What am I doing and what’s my intention behind it?

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Mindfulness is conscious awareness of not just what’s happening in the world around us – but what’s going on within us. It’s being conscious and aware – here and now – of our thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

I’ve previously explored using mindfulness to make choices – like choosing to be positive or negative. But that’s not entirely practical, is it? The whole concept fails to acknowledge how much space exists between the extremes like good and bad, positive and negative, etc.

Rather than employ mindfulness to recognize where we are in the present and redirect ourselves towards an extreme – just the act of being consciously aware via mindfulness is useful. Why? Because it makes us more aware of ourselves and where we are in the world outside of ourselves, too.

Be here, now

Mindfulness is how we can be in the present. Not to alter where, how, what, and why we are so much as being aware of where, how, what, and why we are.    

While we can use mindfulness to be more consciously aware of all that we are to control change – it might be more useful just for knowledge and understanding. I think maybe just knowing where we are on the cylinder between given extremes opens us to possibilities.

It’s not about taking control to make a change. Instead, it’s really more about being in the present and the know. It’s using mindfulness to just exist in the now.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

For your mindfulness consideration

Take a moment at least once a day to ask these questions aloud

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What am I doing and what’s my intention behind it?

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Living in the now allows us to only be focused on our immediate needs, our immediate surroundings, and ourselves. Living in the now lets us ultimately focus on pretty much anything and everything we want to.

There was a conversation thread on Twitter. It was skewing negatively, and I decided to make a less negative statement. Someone replied to that – in a way that I found insulting. After some back and forth, a response that I received doubled down and was deeply insulting and condescending. And those are two ways to trigger me.

I’m the first to admit that I’m imperfect. I make mistakes all the time. My response to the first response could have been more tactful – but I can’t change that. But what that garnered from the other person? I am using this as a lesson in the now how to better handle such a situation.

There is value in the past and in thinking about the future. The past teaches us while the future gives us goals to achieve and places to go - from where we are now. 

Where is your mindset?

One of the biggest problems with the goals I seek to attain is where I see them. I know full well that I see them ahead, eventually, or down the line. They are viewed by me as being in the future. They are something to be reached, something to be worked towards.

Every single book I have read or listened to about consciousness creating reality, mindfulness, the Law of Attraction, and manifestation states that you MUST see the things you want as already yours. Right here, right now.

Not “will be”, “coming soon”, “down the line”, or “in the future”, but here and now. In the present tense. You must picture them in your life right now, to give them clarity and power to consciously create them.

Practicing living in the now

How do you live in the now?

Mindfulness.

First, I need to be more aware of my self-talk. It’s important for me to check in with myself several times a day with questions such as:

·        How Am I?

·        What am I thinking?

·        How am I feeling?

·        Am I thinking about things ahead of me - or in the now?

These are all part of mindfulness and are meant to make me more aware, right here and now. Simple questions, simple answers, but they are all important to consciously creating my reality and living in the now.

Living in the now is imperative for finding empowerment, peace, and happiness. I cannot reclaim the past and I can’t live in tomorrow, so focusing on here and now allows me to simply BE.

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If you are not creating your reality consciously – you are doing so subconsciously.

Consciousness creates reality because our perceptions of reality are unique.

It is important to accept two truths here:

·        Everybody’s perception of reality is different

·        Reality is colored by experience

Why does consciousness create reality? Because in the simple abstract derived from the two truths above - our perception and experience are going to make our reality real for us.

How does consciousness create reality? Because our awareness, our understanding, and perception give birth to substance. Whether it is something observable or something imperceptible, we can build it. Every single one of us is so empowered.

How Consciousness Creates Reality

So how does this work? It starts very small. This requires conscious awareness – here and now. Then, via conscious awareness, we need to focus on that which we desire. See it as already done, as the only possible way, as the one and only outcome. Act as if it’s happening right now. This is how it is and will be.

Individually, in our own perception of reality, we can choose to shape our reality. Rather than standing against and reacting to things we do not desire, we need to act consciously for that which we do desire.

We cannot change the reality of the world at large if we do not begin by changing our own personal reality. To do so, we need to be aware of what we are thinking, how we are feeling, the actions we are taking, and the intentions we have with those actions.

This is about you alone

Conscious reality creation is wholly individual. It cannot be done for anyone else nor the world at large.

You and I cannot change how others do things, and whether they see their reality as positive or negative. However, we can change ourselves, and our own approach to life, the Universe, and everything. When we make such choices, we empower ourselves to consciously create a desirable and better reality.

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Reality is an illusion.

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” – Albert Einstein

How can consciousness create reality? Thought, feeling, intentional action

Your Subconscious is driving the bus if you are not consciously aware.

A deeper look at consciousness and reality

What is consciousness? It is your awareness, your senses, thoughts, and feelings. Consciousness is perception, recognition, knowledge. Awareness of your mindset/headspace/psyche self, your ego, your subconscious, and all the interconnectivity between them.

What is reality? When it comes to reality this is the tangibles such as people and things we encounter. It also covers the intangible, like oxygen, subatomic particles and the like. Reality is existence, substance, actuality. This is the world we live in, but which is entirely outside of ourselves. Existence, truth, substantiality.

What does it mean to create? This is building, constructing, making a thing become real. Whether it is a mathematical theory or a car, we are creators. Creation is conceiving, designing, inventing, producing. This is the process we use to build things that are both material and immaterial for ourselves on many different levels. Build, design, produce.

How Does Awareness of Consciousness Create Reality?

How do I use this to create my life?

Ask questions:

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What am I doing?

·        What is my intention?

Mindfulness and conscious awareness is living in the here-and-now.

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Actions don’t just speak louder than words – they move everything.

New Year’s Eve is almost upon us. Besides various forms of celebration people participate in around the world – lots of people make New Year’s Resolutions.

The trouble with resolutions is that they are often nothing but ideas. They are made with no goalpost, no plan of action – just the idea of doing that thing.

Rather than simply resolve to do this, that, or the other thing – taking action has a much greater effect.

Intention to actions

If there is no action set – just an idea or notion, like with a resolution – there is little intent behind it.

Actions, on the other hand, planned in this way, are intentional. There is a goal, a thing to do, and an action to carry it out. It’s more powerful, more meaningful, and I think goes much further in finding and/or creating change.

Taking action is an act of control. When it comes to ourselves, we have near-total control. But it’s specific in that it’s only on us.

Bypass resolutions with actions

When it comes to any control whatsoever – we only have ourselves.

All of us are made up of ego, conscious mind, and subconscious mind.

Subconscious mind is where habits, beliefs, and values live. Conscious mind is present awareness of the mindset/headspace/psyche self. Ego is who we believe we are based on the bridge between the conscious and subconscious mind – as well as how we project ourselves to the world at large.

Action is one of the four elements of mindfulness, alongside thoughts, feelings, and intentions. Thus, mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, and intentions puts you in control of your actions.

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The ideas of peace, love, and harmony are part of awareness for everyone - and we can use them to improve ourselves and help the people we love, too.

Mindfulness makes this clear. It is your conscious awareness in the here-and-now of what’s in your head. This occurs on three levels.

On the surface, the easiest level to access, it’s your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. Knowing what you are thinking, what and how you are feeling, what you are doing, and why, tells you what you can and will attract. Conscious reality creation starts here.

If you ARE content, connected, and happy – keep it up and spread the joy!

This season is not easy or good for everyone

Many people struggle this time of year. The holidays are not happy for all.

It’s okay to not be okay.

You are not alone in this. All of us are going through it. The past two years have been unprecedented and utterly insane. It’s okay to not be okay because nothing about this is acceptable or okay.

We are all in this together – same storm, different boats

It is okay to not be okay, but you are not alone. I, and others, are here for you to rant, vent, or just talk.

If you know people who are not okay do what you can to be there for them. We are all in this together and we will get through it.

Recognize that this has not been easy for anyone. But to find peace, joy, and love – it begins from within. Awareness for everyone can show the way.

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Cover artist Fe Mahoney:

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The Universe is in a constant state of change – it is inevitable. You cannot stop change

Nobody denies that change is scary. Humans seek comfort, be it in our homes, relationships, clothing, foods we consume, and so forth. There is a certain level of comfort in the familiar. As such, when that which we are used to changes, it can be extremely disconcerting.

Change is inevitable. It cannot be stopped. So when we are embracing change, we open ourselves up to controlling it instead.

Working with and accepting and embracing change

Getting control of change and changing.

Change ALWAYS happens. All life is, in truth, made of change. Without change – WE WOULD NOT BE. In the words of Marcus Aurelius,

“Is any man afraid of change? Why what can take place without change? What then is more pleasing or more suitable to the universal nature? And canst thou take a bath unless the wood undergoes a change? And canst thou be nourished, unless the food undergoes a change? And can anything else that is useful be accomplished without change? Dost thou not see then that for thyself also to change is just the same, and equally necessary for the universal nature.”

Embracing unwanted change is particularly challenging.

Influencing and directing change is in your power.

Taking charge

You are empowered to control change and changing through Mindfulness

There is no need to fear change. 

Consciousness creates reality. We can choose what that means for us by how we react to change. When we resist, we are bound to create a reality we do not desire. If, however, we embrace change, we might just be able to control it, and direct it for the better.

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author@mjblehart.com

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Cover artist Fe Mahoney:

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Consciousness creates reality

Reality is the world in which we live

Collective consciousness and the world without

“The key to growth is the introduction of higher dimensions of consciousness into our awareness.” - Lao Tzu

Thought, feeling, action, and intention build our lives

Manifestation is the product of conscious reality creation

Mindfulness and awareness of ourselves is the key

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." - Albert Einstein

Can awareness create the world we live in?

Improving ourselves and our lives improves the world

The only real power and control we have comes from ourselves - from within

“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” – Marcus Aurelius

To change the world in any way, we must begin by changing ourselves

Why consciously create our world?

Problems great and small can only begin to be solved from within.

“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” – Albert Einstein

More good in the world draws in more good to the world

“Awareness is the greatest agent for change.” - Eckhart Tolle

Ask yourself:

• What am I thinking? 
• What am I feeling? 
• How am I feeling? 
• What am I doing?
• What is my intention?

Awareness and mindfulness of ourselves opens all paths to creating the world

https://mjblehart.com

author@mjblehart.com

https://www.instagram.com/mjblehart/

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Cover artist Fe Mahoney:

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Fear (from Dictionary.com)

1.      noun

a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real orimagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

2.      something that causes feelings of dread or apprehension; something a person is afraid of

3.      anticipation of the possibility that something unpleasant will occur

4.      verb

to consider or anticipate (something unpleasant) with a feeling of dread or alarm

5.      Living in a fear-based society

Fear tends to be more about being afraid to suffer rather than the suffering that might truly occur.

How do Tangible and Intangible Fears Differ?

How do those “in power” use fear to control us? In what way is this a fear-based society?

What are tangible fears?

What are intangible fears?

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.” – The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.

How Do You Face and Overcome Your Fear?

There are some amazing quotes when it comes to exploring, facing, and overcoming fear.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

- Litany Against Fear from Frank Herbert’s Dune

“The only things we have to fear is fear itself.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” - Yoda

Finding and using attitude shifters – sounds, images, smells and activities that will confront and remove the fear.

Face it directly. Meditate on it. Tackle it. 

Use mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions to be aware. Your conscious awareness will help you find and see reason – which, in turn, will combat fear.

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author@mjblehart.com

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Cover artist Fe Mahoney:

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If “I am” are the most important generators of positivity, then “thank you” are the next most important.

These two words are amongst the most powerful words in all of the English language. 

Expressing what you are grateful for is about as pure a positive act as you can create. 

Recognizing the good things you have in your life and giving thanks for them is incredibly powerful. 

Expressing gratitude

Real, genuine gratitude is ALWAYS empowering and always positive. It has a humility build into it that entitlement, braggarts, and the arrogant lack.

Gratitude can be expressed for the tangible and intangible, material and immaterial, on levels great and small and everything in between. 

The little things in life to be thankful for are numerous, material and immaterial. 

So many things are available for you to be thankful for.

Appreciation appreciates.

Employing gratitude in practicing mindfulness

Don’t you love how it feels when you are thanked for a gift, thanked for a compliment, thanked for a job well done, thanked for helping, thanking for thinking of someone? 

There is nothing like the power of expressing your thankfulness and gratitude to build positive energy and ultimately to find more good and happiness in your life.

Be mindful of the takers

By aware of takers. They do not empower, and though you can give them gratitude it will not impact them, or you, in a positive or mindful manner.

Love and gratitude are the most powerful conscious reality creators to be aware of. Both are nothing but positivity and creators.

As we express gratitude, to ourselves or to others, we open up to greater positive experiences and more opportunities as such to be mindful.

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Cover artist Fe Mahoney:

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Being mindful is not something you can do once and then neglect. It requires constant check-ins and considerations to be taken.

Mindfulness is the conscious awareness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intention – here and now, in the present. You gain recognition of your inner mindset/headspace/psyche self, which lets you better connect your conscious mind, subconscious mind, and ego.

Being mindful, in a nutshell, is ultimately being aware of you.

Awareness of the now changes

The moment is constantly changing.

These questions are some keys to recognizing awareness and awakening mindfulness:

·        What am I thinking?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How do I expect today to be?

·        What can I do to take control today?

Then, throughout my day, I re-ask some or all these questions. That allows me to keep aware of myself as change happens throughout the day.

Nobody is perfect

When I am having a good day - and am totally conscious of my thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions - I can get a lot of work done and do some awesome things.

However, when I am having a bad day – and I am overwhelmed by either happenings directly impacting me and/or world news and information – this is challenging. If I absorb too much of that negativity into my subconscious taking back conscious control becomes that much more challenging.

Nobody is perfect – or – everybody is perfectly imperfect. As such, nobody is always conscious of their thoughts and feelings. Mindlessness happens – and there are times to just embrace it and let go.

https://mjblehart.com

author@mjblehart.com

https://www.instagram.com/mjblehart/

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mjblehart.medium.com

Cover artist Fe Mahoney:

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Too many people move through life with little awareness of themselves. Thus, they are – to all intents and purposes – sleepwalking.

They are not mindful of their thoughts, feelings, actions, or intentions. Thus, they live subconsciously.

Mindfulness and awareness

Practicing mindfulness isn’t hard. And doing so keeps you awake.

Mindfulness connects people to their who, what, why, where, how, and even when. This is through conscious awareness – here and now.

Rather than being on autopilot and moving through life subconsciously – or asleep – you become empowered to choose your own adventure.

Wake up to conscious reality creation

When you are awake, you gain insight into what you can control in this life.

Though it’s a limited number of things, they are all important and wholly yours – and within your head, heart, and soul.

Taking that control empowers you to do virtually anything.

Waking people up to be empowered allows them to seek reason and logic rather than live in fear.

https://mjblehart.com

author@mjblehart.com

https://www.instagram.com/mjblehart/

https://twitter.com/MJBlehart

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mjblehart.medium.com

Cover artist Fe Mahoney:

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What is awareness?

From Dictionary.com: the state or condition of being aware; having knowledge; consciousness:

What is the meaning of awareness in this context?

Being Aware of who, what, where, how and why you are via sensory input combined with your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions

Living in the now

Being present.

Being consciously aware of our own thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions - better connects you within and without.

Asking mindful awakening questions:

·        What am I thinking?

·        What am I feeling?

·        How am I feeling?

·        What am I doing and what’s my intent?

Empowerment through awareness.

Taking control of the only thing you can - yourself

The power of awareness

Self-actualization

Mindfulness

Conscious reality creation

Waking people up to be empowered seek reason and logic rather than live in fear.

https://mjblehart.com

author@mjblehart.com

https://www.instagram.com/mjblehart/

https://twitter.com/MJBlehart

https://www.facebook.com/blehartmj/

mjblehart.medium.com

Cover artist Fe Mahoney:

veinsofink2017@gmail.com and https://www.etsy.com/shop/TaliasInspirations

https://mjblehart.com