I Am The Cute One

TGIF 4/24/26: The Cuties Eat Butt!

Fri, 24 Apr 2026 04:00:00 -0000

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Chelsea:⁠ @ohnochels⁠

Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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TGIF 4/17/26: The Cuties Make a Pixar Movie!

Fri, 17 Apr 2026 04:00:00 -0000

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Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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TGIF 4/10/26: The Cuties Love Athletic Nuns!

Fri, 10 Apr 2026 04:00:00 -0000

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Chelsea:⁠ @ohnochels⁠

Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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The Cuties Give an Important Update!

Mon, 06 Apr 2026 04:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 4/3/26: The Cuties Talk About Amanda & West!

Fri, 03 Apr 2026 04:00:00 -0000

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Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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Chloe (The Cuties Talk Shit About #BoyMoms!)

Mon, 30 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0000

Donny Appreciation is coming to an end, and to celebrate, the Cuties have decided the lesser-known Amanda Seyfried movie of their choice is Chloe, the 2010 erotic thriller about a gynecologist hiring a hooker to seduce her husband. The plight of women! The movie gets the two talking about different race dopplegangers, Avian bottles, and anxious peeing. Also, as will probably happen for the next 7 months, more BB40 discussions occur.

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Chelsea:⁠ @ohnochels⁠

Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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TGIF 3/27/26: The Cuties Survived BB40!

Fri, 27 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0000

The Cuties may be here in body, but in spirit? They may never return. BB40 is over, and Donny and Chelsea are worn OUT - and if Chelsea thought she'd be making up on sleep now that she's home, the roofers in her neighborhood beg to differ. But at least Donny is able to make up on missed meals with the chocolate chips (or mouse poop?!) on his desk. Be patient; we're scared!

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Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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Ben and Me (The Cuties Don't Have Syphilis!)

Mon, 23 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0000

It's possible you've seen this movie - it's about Ben Franklin, for God's sake!

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Chelsea:⁠ @ohnochels⁠

Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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TGIF 3/20/26: The Cuties Celebrate Donny's Birthday!

Fri, 20 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0000

Donny is knee deep in BB40 last minute prep, so enjoy this Survivor re-release that originally aired on Patreon.

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Chelsea:⁠ @ohnochels⁠

Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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The Skeleton Key (The Cuties Won't Go in Hot Topic!)

Mon, 16 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0000

This week, Chelsea and Donny continue Donny Appreciation Month by covering Kate Hudson’s best work, “The Skeleton Key.” While covering the movie that Donny’s been spoiling for the past four years, they also debate how much is too much when it comes to home decor, accent work worse than Emma Watson’s, and the link between Snapchat filters and beastiality. After all - don’t it always go… don’t it always know to go? #teamjustify

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Chelsea:⁠ @ohnochels⁠

Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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TGIF 3/13/26: The Cuties Don't Understand Meth Labs!

Fri, 13 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0000

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Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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Swimfan (The Cuties Start a Cult!)

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 15:00:00 -0000

This episode originally aired 9/23/24.

After the Cute Ones fight about Lifetime movie look-a-likes and Tony Danza appearing gay, they spend the time figuring out who is the Crazy One as they cover the 2002 feminist flop, Swimfan. They spend the hour comparing their motives for being nuts, contemplating if Donny is having a midlife crisis, praying for the release of Jesse Bradford and Azealia Banks’ leaked tapes, and arguing with Gen Z about their hatred of sex. Then, Chelsea talks about her hatred of silver jewelry while Donny shames unprofessional restaurant employees. Shoutout to our UK Cuties; your music is more fun!

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Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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TGIF 3/6/26: The Cuties Think Scream 7 Was Good!

Fri, 06 Mar 2026 05:00:00 -0000

Chelsea may be full of crap (especially at the bus stop), but the urologist said Donny being full of piss seems fine without him even having to pee in a bucket. Also, the ratings have spoken: Scrubs and Scream 7 are great! If you agree (or if you don’t), subscribe to their Patreon - after all, Donny doesn’t ask for much!

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Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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My Date with the President's Daughter (The Cuties Think One of the Lawrence Brothers is Ugly!)

Mon, 02 Mar 2026 05:00:00 -0000

Chelsea Clinton’s been listening to the podcast, and the Cute Ones assume she’s been asking them to watch My Date With the President’s Daughter, and if she’s not - Donny’s middle school homeroom teacher has been. Or at least Chelsea’s lazy eye is.

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Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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TGIF 2/27/26: The Cuties Text the Wrong Person!

Fri, 27 Feb 2026 05:00:00 -0000

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Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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Brokeback Mountain (The Cuties Hate Soup!)

Mon, 23 Feb 2026 05:00:00 -0000

We wish we knew how to quit you! To end Tears and Queers month, the Cute Ones are watching the should-be Oscar winner, “Brokeback Mountain.” A quick note: Chelsea knew it would be a hit even though she didn’t know it took place in the past. They also discuss their hatred of outdoor activities, the diobolical diet of beans for bottoms, childhood trauma about getting sick, and disgust over clam parm. Also, Donny finds a way to drag Gen Z yet again - this time, not for being ugly, but for their tendency to make memes about serious topics.

(Unedited runtime: 1 hour 14 minutes) To access AD FREE versions of our episodes, as well as bonus episodes and uncut audio and video,⁠ subscribe to our Patreon!⁠

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TikTok: ⁠cuteonepodcast⁠

Chelsea:⁠ @ohnochels⁠

Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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TGIF 2/20/26: The Cuties Fight with Ticketmaster!

Fri, 20 Feb 2026 05:00:00 -0000

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Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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A Walk to Remember (The Cuties Have Flesh Colored Lips!)

Mon, 16 Feb 2026 05:00:00 -0000

Chelsea and her flesh-colored lips needed a mental health break this week, so Donny pushed back covering “Brokeback Mountain” until next week (but maybe he’s just hazing her?), so they’re watching “A Walk to Remember” instead. They also talk about how Chelsea embarrassed herself recently and what glee character she’s most like.

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Chelsea:⁠ @ohnochels⁠

Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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TGIF 2/13/26: The Cuties Rob a Bank and You'll Never Believe Why!

Fri, 13 Feb 2026 05:00:00 -0000

Unedited episode runtime: 1 hour 4 minutes

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Chelsea:⁠ @ohnochels⁠

Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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Stand By Me (The Cuties Learn a New Slur!)

Mon, 09 Feb 2026 05:00:00 -0000

Donny tried his best to like “Stand By Me,” but… meh. But maybe that’s because he just didn’t get it (his notes back that up). Before diving into this movie, the two take a moment to highlight the magic that is The Hot Chick and Blueberries For Sal. Then, they discuss the horrors of being Type B and bond over new slurs. What ya gonna do, Ike?

(Unedited Runtime: 1 hour 18 minutes) To access AD FREE versions of our episodes, as well as bonus episodes and uncut audio and video,⁠ subscribe to our Patreon!⁠

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Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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TGIF 1/6/26: The Cuties Subtweet Their Friends!

Fri, 06 Feb 2026 05:00:00 -0000

Chelsea’s safe (so far) from the plague terrorizing her home, but her haircut isn’t safe from Donny’s shade. In a week that had Miss Piggy sitting with Vogue, the Toxic Moms supporting Hilary Duff, and the trailer for The Drama releasing, the duo discuss the rules of picking movies with friends, cults, and Trixie and Katya’s podcast. They also try to figure out why so many straight women are obsessed with Heated Rivalry.

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Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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The Bridge to Terabithia (The Cuties Are the First Toymakers to the King!)

Mon, 02 Feb 2026 05:00:00 -0000

Donny's whispering again and another one of Chelsea's girls is ... not in boarding school, but does have the stomach bug. It's Week 1 of Tears and Queers Month, and the Cute Ones are watching "Bridge to Terabithia" (meh). They also discuss the best child actress of all time, Bailee Madison, washable Sharpies, and cleaning your house. Also, Chelsea tells a Dr. Bald dating story.

Full, unedited runtime of this episode - 1 hour 21 minutes. To access AD FREE versions of our episodes, as well as bonus episodes and uncut audio and video,⁠ subscribe to our Patreon!⁠

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Chelsea:⁠ @ohnochels⁠

Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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TGIF 1/30/26: The Cuties Play Where's Waldo!

Sat, 31 Jan 2026 05:00:00 -0000

In solidarity with the National General Strike, the release of this episode was changed to 1/31/26. Stop funding Ice.

Resources to donate your time/energy to:

https://www.waimmigranthealth.org/immigration-action-center/red-card/- Print red cards to share / know your rights!

Democracy.io - Allows you to look up your representatives & write emails to them all at once

5calls.org - Find your legislators, click the issues that are important to you, push send

Immigrantjustice.org - Attorneys can partner with the NIJC to provide probono services, Bilingual or multilingual folks can volunteer to interpret or translate in an immigration case, Everyone can donate time and money

(202) 224-3121: Call the congressional switchboard and ask for your representative or senators.

-Attend a town hall and school board meetings to voice your support for immigrants

To access AD FREE versions of our episodes, as well as bonus episodes and uncut audio and video,⁠ subscribe to our Patreon!⁠

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TikTok: ⁠cuteonepodcast⁠

Chelsea:⁠ @ohnochels⁠

Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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Hope Floats: The Cuties Brainstorm the Best Ways to Beat Up 8 Year Olds!

Mon, 26 Jan 2026 05:00:00 -0000

Chelsea’s going through it, even though this is a simple romp, but Donny isn’t feeling any emotions at all because it’s about Southern people. Not now, Mama!

Dr. Phil's insane house: https://www.boredpanda.com/doctor-phil-house-for-sale-interior-details/

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TikTok: ⁠cuteonepodcast⁠

Chelsea:⁠ @ohnochels⁠

Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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TGIF 1/23/26: The Cuties Stand with Posh Spice!

Fri, 23 Jan 2026 05:00:00 -0000

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Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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Annie (The Cuties Sleep on Decorative Pillows!)

Mon, 19 Jan 2026 05:00:00 -0000

Holy cannoli! Chelsea’s dressed like an orphan today, so you know what that means - the Cuties are covering (just) Annie. The two gush over the star that is Quvenzhané Wallis (certainly not Mariah’s twins), FDR propaganda, and the soundtrack at large. They also vent about not being invited on family vacations and the cost of steak (Suze Orman agrees, probably.)

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TikTok: ⁠cuteonepodcast⁠

Chelsea:⁠ @ohnochels⁠

Donny:⁠ @realdonnywood

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TGIF 1/16/26: The Cuties Strike it Rich with Oil, Gold, and Fracking!

Fri, 16 Jan 2026 05:00:00 -0000

Now that’s a horse of a different color! To prepare for this episode, Donny purchased rave lighting and Chelsea decided to bring art to life with a recreation of the painting made of her a few weeks ago. Besides praising their own backgrounds, the two also bond over tattoos, baptisms, and vision boards. Also, they dive into the week’s hottest headlines: Ben Affleck and Matt Damon’s dislikes of each other, Broadway casting, and Willa Ford’s new single. Don’t say straight and certainly don’t watch The Traitors season 4.

This episode is sponsored by Lumi Gummies. Head to ⁠LumiGummies.com⁠, and use code CUTEONE for 30% off your order..

Today's episode is brought to you by HelloFresh. Go to ⁠HelloFresh.com/cuteone10fm⁠ to get 10 free meals and a FREE zwilling knife (a $144.99 value!) on your third box.

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If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on⁠⁠ Apple⁠⁠ or⁠⁠ Spotify⁠⁠ This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

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Chelsea:⁠⁠ @ohnochels⁠⁠

Donny:⁠⁠ @realdonnywood

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Jumanji (The Cuties Alienate Several Fanbases!)

Mon, 12 Jan 2026 05:00:00 -0000

Chelsea and Donny watched Jumanji three weeks ago, but they're here to cover it this week. Let's hope they know what they're talking about (they don't). But they do know Robin Williams does one hell of a Nell impression and the plot of the problematic Soul Man. They also know that cheaters need to be punished.

This episode is sponsored by Lumi Gummies. Head to LumiGummies.com, and use code CUTEONE for 30% off your order..

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TGIF 1/9/26: The Cuties Get Bullied by Ashley Tisdale's Mom Group!

Fri, 09 Jan 2026 05:00:00 -0000

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New Year, Same Us! (The Cuties Get Sober!)

Mon, 05 Jan 2026 05:00:00 -0000

Happy New Year! Donny is moving into his new apartment today, so we’re publicly releasing an edited version of the sobriety episode that originally aired on the Patreon. Donny discusses his experience with drinking, his aha moment, and Leighton Meester’s beauty secrets.

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TGIF 1/2/26: The Cuties' Choice Awards Part 2!

Fri, 02 Jan 2026 05:00:00 -0000

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I'll Be Home for Christmas (The Cuties Read e.e. cummings!)

Mon, 29 Dec 2025 05:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 12/26/25: The Cuties' Choice Awards Part 1!

Fri, 26 Dec 2025 05:00:00 -0000

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Home For The Holidays (The Cuties Look like the Cynthia Doll!)

Mon, 22 Dec 2025 05:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 12/19/25: The Cuties Stop Edging and J*zz All Over the Place!

Fri, 19 Dec 2025 05:00:00 -0000

It’s been a week for the world, including Chelsea and Donny: Chelsea tried a new diet curtesy of her eldest daughter, and Donny discovered who is upstaging him on his birthday. But enough is enough, and the two have decided to stop edging and just let it loose with their opinions on the White House staff, the backstories of men, and Nelly. (Smile for me, Daddy. Whatcha lookin at? Little House on the Prairie on TikTok, apparently.)

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Edward Scissorhands (The Cuties Play Knock Knock Zoom Zoom!)

Mon, 15 Dec 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Gen X freaks, brace yourselves. Someone watched “Edward Scissorhands” for the first time, and hated it, and that boy… was Donny. Chelsea, on the other hand, has a soft spot for this film, but still read it for filth by coming for the Avon Lady’s parenting and asking many questions about the logistics of scissor hands,. But fret not - they have nothing but love for white trash snacks. See you at Tavern on the Green!

This episode is sponsored by Lumi Gummies. Lumi Gummies are available Nationwide! Go to Lumigummies.com/CUTEONE for 30% off of your order!

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TGIF 12/12/25: The Cuties Do a Hard Launch!

Fri, 12 Dec 2025 05:00:00 -0000

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Krampus (The Cuties Love Melanie Lynskey!)

Mon, 08 Dec 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Don't get tricked by Chelsea's football uniform; the Cute Ones aren't covering Rudy this week - their holiday movie line up has begun, and this week, it's Krampus! Chelsea had major issues with the parenting in this movie, but not as much as she had a problem with horror films, in general. Important question: what fun toy can Donny get for a 5 month old that he can also play with? But more important question: when did Columbus sail the ocean blue?

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TGIF 12/5/25: The Cuties are NOT Role Models!

Fri, 05 Dec 2025 05:00:00 -0000

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The Holiday w/ Ryan Sichelstiel (The Cuties Love Foreplay!)

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 05:00:00 -0000

This episode originally aired 12/18/22.

To cover "The Holiday," Ryan Sichelstiel (@rysic) signs up to do a house swap of his own, but finds he'll be staying in Hell as he spends the hour with a flu-ridden Chelsea and Donny, who are hopped up on NyQuil and hot toddies, respectively. White Lotus-inspired fan theories, fat holes, Viagra sponsorships, and Imogeon Heap sing-a-longs are brought up in the duo's sickness-induced haze. Also, Donny may be the main character of his life, but that main character turns out to be a sociopath when he shares his favorite (made up) celebrity conspiracy theory. Last, the Cuties submit the craziest things they've done for love.

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TGIF 11/28/25: The Cuties Smoke the Devil's Lettuce with Bob the Drag Queen!

Fri, 28 Nov 2025 05:00:00 -0000

(Stick around for the end for a special update from Donny!)

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Life-Size (The Cuties Keep Picking Up the Field Mice and Bopping Them on the Head!)

Mon, 24 Nov 2025 05:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 11/21/25: The Cuties Speak Labubu!

Fri, 21 Nov 2025 05:00:00 -0000

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The First Wives Club w/ @Lucyontheground (The Cuties Eat Tuna Fish!)

Mon, 17 Nov 2025 05:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 11/14/25: The Cuties Decorate for Christmas!

Fri, 14 Nov 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Cuties, do you want to hear about our dreams? If not, Chelsea may break up with you on a golf course. What we do want to hear about is Lea Michele stealing the roles from childhood friends. Scott Kelly, if you need a job, send the Cute Ones an email. Stephanie Sanchez needs an assistant. Gatekeep. Girl boss. Shin kick.

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Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit (The Cuties C-U-P!)

Mon, 10 Nov 2025 05:00:00 -0000

The Cute Ones are cathargic this week as they cover the Karen Goldberg movie that everyone needs, Sister Act 2. The duo reminisce about middle school pranks, discuss what food they could eat every day, and plan the opening for their live show. Also, why was Delores needed at the school in this movie? Victor, did we mess anything up? If not, we promise to wake up and pay attention next time.

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TGIF 11/7/25: The Cuties Howl at the Moon!

Fri, 07 Nov 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Chelsea almost unalived by a bee and got caught in a shootout this week and Donny looked like James Corden in the Cats movie, but they’re both here now to cover this week’s hottest headlines: the Dodgers won the World Series, Carly Rae Jepsen is pregnant, Jessica Lange announced her return to American Horror Story, and Zohran Mamdani became the Mayor-Elect of New York City! Also, Chelsea and Donny talk about what they do best: the moon (Chelsea) and Luigi Mangione (Donny).

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The Running Man (The Cuties Use a BowFlex Machine!)

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Chelsea has done it again. The Cute Ones are watching The Running Man, a movie that hits a little too close to home. So instead, Donny forces the duo to cover Adam Sandler’s Click for five minutes. Then, Chelsea tries to get two months in a row where she picks the movies and Donny gets horned up about the Louvre robbers enough to plan what sounds he’d make if he was in porn. Also, manifestation works, and Chelsea’s dog got John Stamos in the news. Are you a low forehead?

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TGIF 10/31/25: The Cuties Saw You From Across the Bar and Like Your Vibe!

Fri, 31 Oct 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Tell me about it, Stud. Donny and Chelsea are in their finest Grease costumes to cover the week’s hottest headlines, as well as discuss their weeks, including Donny being left alone in a haunted house and Chelsea being haunted by a smoke detector. Also, Kim Kardashian gave bush panties to orphans while her sister is making vag lollipops. And the most important news you’ll hear this week… Ariana Grande is brunette again.

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What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (The Cuties Love a Transatlantic Accent!)

Mon, 27 Oct 2025 16:00:00 -0000

Chelsea and Donny finish spooky season strong, with the Bette Davis/Joan Crawford psycho-biddy hit, "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" You'll notice the duo are not in costumes, but they want to save June and Blanche costumes for a Halloween live show in the future. They also discuss Emma Stone's new movie, Mall World merch, and the slurs not allowed to be used in the Rivers household. And there is a twist this episode, Cuties - the gangster in "Home Alone" took acting lessons from Baby Jane. The Cuties love a Transatlantic accent!

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TGIF 10/24/25: The Cuties are Terrorized by Smoke Alarms!

Fri, 24 Oct 2025 17:00:00 -0000

The Cute Ones have been blocked in Russia, so instead of playing music this week, Chelsea is doing us all a favor by singing. Someone needs to do Donny a favor by buying him a sleep apnea machine because he fell asleep in the movie theater this week. Also, Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato released new music and the floating pumpkin race was a smashing (pumpkin) success.

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Desperate Housewives (The Cuties Drop a Surprise Bonus Episode!)

Wed, 22 Oct 2025 04:00:00 -0000

SURPRISE! Please enjoy this sneak peek of our bonus content, usually exclusively over on our Patreon!

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Casper (The Cuties Join the Root Beer Float Club!)

Mon, 20 Oct 2025 04:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 10/17/25: The Cuties Look Like They're in Their Forties!

Fri, 17 Oct 2025 17:00:00 -0000

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Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (The Cuties Give Josh Hartnett a Better Name!)

Mon, 13 Oct 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Chelsea and Donny are continuing spooky season by covering the non-gorn 1998 horror film, Halloween: H20 (famously not starring Shannen Doherty). Then, they try to dig in to what being compared to Winnie from “The Wonder Years” means before lamenting about the fears of old people. To any headmistresses listening to this episode: what are your responsibilities exactly? Because Donny and Chelsea have no idea after this movie. Sorry there weren’t enough shower scenes.

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TGIF 10/10/25: The Cuties Go To Mall World!

Fri, 10 Oct 2025 17:00:00 -0000

Chelsea and Donny react to Wendy Osefo's arrest - IN REAL TIME - before discussing Donny's schedule to see Wicked: For Good five times in theaters, having a Fat Sister marathon, and the duo's thoughts on Renee Rapp in concert. Also... Chelsea goes to Mall World because why wouldn't she?

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Innocent Blood (The Cuties Celebrate Laura Bush!)

Mon, 06 Oct 2025 04:00:00 -0000

You know what they always say: every witch needs a ghost, so to start off spooky season, Donny and Chelsea are breaking down a movie without witches or ghosts - the vampire mafia classic, “Innocent Blood” (and how Vanessa Hudgens’ ‘Sneakernight’ ties in). But first - they recap “Aristocats.” Also, they touch on what plot lines have been missing for Athena Grant in 9-1-1, Shutterfly editing, and where to draw the line when booking sex hotels with your cousin. The Cute Ones beg you to stop talking about your job as a conversation starter and asking what celebrities smell like. THE CATARACS, BITCHES.

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TGIF 10/3/25: The Cuties Live Like a Showgirl!

Fri, 03 Oct 2025 16:00:00 -0000

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BAP*S (The Cuties Want to Know Which Celebrity You've Been Told You Look Like!)

Mon, 29 Sep 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Donny and Chelsea are covering the cult classic that Roger Ebert called "jaw droppingly bad" - B*A*P*S, starring the AWARD WINNING ACTRESS, Halle Berry (although Chelsea doesn't think she should be). The duo hope to win a contest - white t-shirt or otherwise, but they'll settle for a $4 cocktail or a glass of toilet water. Happy Belated Bi Visibility Day! Where are the abs?

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TGIF 9/26/25: The Cuties Get Raptured!

Fri, 26 Sep 2025 16:00:00 -0000

Chelsea is at a funeral, and maybe we're celebrating yours because it's the I AM THE CUTE ONE RAPTURE SPECIAL! If you plan on being raptured, please send us your bank account information and let us sublet your apartment. With everyone raptured, at least we'll still get the Wicked press tour because... well...

Also, we get a Aunt Becky reveal!

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SE7EN (The Cuties Get into Journaling!)

Mon, 22 Sep 2025 04:00:00 -0000

WHAT'S IN THE BOX?! A head. And what's in this episode? A lot of chaos.

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TGIF 9/19/25: The Cuties Know What You Did Last Summer

Fri, 19 Sep 2025 17:00:00 -0000

Donny had phone issues this week, and Chelsea had math problems. But they're here now, with Aunt Becky on the way, and they're talking about Jen Affleck's Dunkin commercial and I Know What You Did Last Summer. Who are we fxcking up this time?

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To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (The Cuties Shart on Nancy Kerrigan!)

Mon, 15 Sep 2025 04:00:00 -0000

"To Wong Foo" - famously not an action movie (or maybe not so famously? Ask Dr. Bald) , but one of Patrick Swayze's many "f** stuff" movies - is what the Cute Ones are covering this week. Thank you, Patreon Cuties! They discuss what they'd do before ever inviting strangers on road trips, America's Next Top Butthole, and the best songs from Barney the Dinosaur.

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TGIF 9/12/25: The Cuties Are Stinky Cheese Men!

Fri, 12 Sep 2025 16:00:00 -0000

It may not be summer camp in Maryland, but Arbie the Robot joins the Cute Ones to discuss the horrors of escape rooms, the dentist, bike riding, and eating crabs with your hands.

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Now and Then (The Cuties Take a Stand Against Ice Cream Trucks!)

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Donny was late to this episode because he was lusting after baseball players, but the Cute Ones are here now, covering the tribute to girlhood, "Now and Then" (even though Roger Ebert hated it). HANDS UP FOR BONNIE HUNT!

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TGIF 9/5/25: The Cuties Root for Cardi B!

Fri, 05 Sep 2025 16:00:00 -0000

TGILF, Cuties! Donny and Chelsea are live on Youtube on Fridays now, and - shocker - Donny spent this week crying while Chelsea didn't shame the Devil because she's been watching TikTok soap operas about triplets getting new eyes. Or something. Also, Cardi B remains a gem and so much happened in the world of reality TV.

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Beethoven's 2nd (The Cuties Are SO BACK!)

Mon, 01 Sep 2025 04:00:00 -0000

The Cute Ones are so back, and to ring in a new season - it’s Beethoven’s 2nd! So get the damn dawgs and cozy up to listen to this episode where Chelsea and Donny talk about unneutered balls, inflation prices on McDonald’s breakfasts, what dogs eat, Helen Keller (naturally), and most importantly - five little monkeys jumping on the bed. Also, trigger warning for this CHILDREN'S MOVIE: SA.

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TGIF 8/29/25: The Cuties Go to Burning Man!

Fri, 29 Aug 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Taylor Swift is devious, Donny wants to eat smelts, Chelsea is playing Dungeons and Dragons, and the Orgy Dome was destroyed. A big week all around.

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Summer Blockbuster Series: Spice World w/ Hannah Aaron Brown (The Cuties Throw an Alien Party!)

Mon, 25 Aug 2025 04:00:00 -0000

This episode originally aired 1/22/23.

If you couldn’t tell by Donny’s receding hairline and Chelsea’s creaky bones, it’s the 25th Anniversary of Spice World, and we are officially old! To celebrate, Hannah Brown, proud owner of the DVD, is here to recap the movie and share her praises of the girl group, including her favorite member (a distant relative?!) Chelsea’s nemesis is up to his old tricks as he comes for girl power and Dunkin Donuts, and Donny makes new nemisi of his own as Hannah and Chelsea (incorrectly) tell him that he’s wrong about a very important plot point. Also, the Dave Matthews Band is disgusting and Chelsea prepares for aliens.

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TGIF 8/22/25: The Cuties Hire Emotional Support Twinks!

Fri, 22 Aug 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Chelsea's going through it, and her discussion topics are here to prove it - but she's not lying! Meanwhile, Donny is not missing; he was just asking his mom to make cookies and watching Survivor: Australia vs. the World. The Cute Ones giggle about dead dogs, dragon puberty, Monopoly, and Sabrina Carpenter and Olivio Rodrigo's props for emotional support.

[time stamps]

INTRODUCTION

1:30 chelsea is a liar & her mom was abducted by aliens

3:10 astrological discovery about virgos

6:15 monopoly & spiritual money blocks

9:00 companion (movie review)

10:30 donny teaches children life lessons

13:30 donny’s housewives experience

15:20 highest 2 lowest (movie review)

RECOMMENDATIONS

24:40 australia vs the world survivor

HEADLINES

26:45 andy samberg’s nemesis dies

30:10 sabrina carpenter / olivia rodrigo news

33:00 cutie of the week

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Summer Blockbuster Series: American Pie w/ Emily Hanks (The Cuties Hate Ice!)

Mon, 18 Aug 2025 04:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 8/15/25: The Cuties Pick a Fight on the Internet!

Fri, 15 Aug 2025 04:00:00 -0000

TGIF (Cuties! We'll say it for you if you're at work)! Put your sneakers on (cc: Vanessa Hudgens' Sneakernight) and plan a party with your friends where you... debate lawn chairs and pay your bills while Chelsea plays video games and Donny celebrates sobriety with JoJo. Or you could fight with strangers on the internet because that's what the Cute Ones are doing with their week!

INTRO

1:30 2000s dance party/freakier friday

6:30 P.f. chang’s & chelsea’s dream about donny

7:30 donny’s emotional sobriety update

11:00 video games are ruining chelsea’s life

12:30 fighting on the internet: embarrassing or fun?

RECOMMENDATIONS

18:40 choosing joy (and energy drinks)

23:40 song of achilles

25:00 YOUTUBE LIVE ANNOUNCEMENT

HEADLINES

25:30 is alec baldwin okay????

26:40 taylor swift’s new album

28:40 cruel summer season 3

31:40 jessica biel / 7th heaven

32:20 MGK / aliens in hollywood

37:30 CUTIE OF THE WEEK

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Summer Blockbuster Series: Deep Impact w/ Noor of The Reality Is (The Cuties Eat a Sandwich on the Titanic!)

Mon, 11 Aug 2025 04:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 8/8/25: The Cuties Tumble Off Their High Horse!

Fri, 08 Aug 2025 04:00:00 -0000

In this episode, Donny and Chelsea explore themes of mindfulness, sleep hygeine, and the importance of being intentional with time. They discuss their personal experiences with digital detox, new hobbies, and the excitement surrounding Big Brother 40. The conversation also touches on the impact of AI in daily life, health concerns, and the escapism found in gaming. They share recommendations for theater and entertainment, along with updates on pop culture and reality TV. The episode concludes with reflections on personal growth and the significance of community.

...if Chelsea asks, a human totally wrote this.

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Summer Blockbuster Series: The Royal Tenenbaums (The Cuties Get Cuckholded!)

Mon, 04 Aug 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Great. As if Donny didn't have enough trauma from watching The Royal Tenenbaums once, we're revisiting it with this flashback episode!

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TGIF 8/1/25: The Cuties Dip Baby Toes in Soy Sauce!

Fri, 01 Aug 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Donny's sister had her baby, but he has bigger things to talk about: his diarrhea this week, but that's nothing on what Chelsea went through this week: deleting TikTok after learning about time traveling Airbnbs.

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Summer Blockbuster Series: In Time (The Cuties Fix Capitalism!)

Mon, 28 Jul 2025 04:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 7/25/25: The Cuties Bite Their HR Rep!

Fri, 25 Jul 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Donny's fourth viewing of "I Know What You Did Last Summer" was a success that led him to do some science while Chelsea has been executing Netflix fashion shows in her living room. Also, both of the Cute Ones read (very different) books this week, and a woman bit her co-workers. Happy Friday!

TIMESTAMPS

0:00 intro

1:30 i still know what you did last summer / sarah michelle geller vs. jennifer love hewitt

6:30 donny’s time with college friends / being a boat boy

11:15 chelsea navigating dementia in her family

RECOMMENDATIONS

16:20 parvati’s book (nice girls win: how i burned it all down to claim my power)

19:42 discovery of witches / shadow of night

HEADLINES

21:25 coldplay kiss cam

22:30 911 drama / ryan guzman sucks

26:30 serial biter is fired from law firm

28:30 donny is worried about mixing friend groups / acting right

CUTIE OF THE WEEK

32:30 trisha paytas / katy perry’s butterfly

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Summer Blockbuster Series: R.L. Stine's One Day at HorrorLand (The Cuties Feel Special Feelings on the Pirate Ship!)

Mon, 21 Jul 2025 04:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 7/18/25: The Cuties Hate Love Island!

Fri, 18 Jul 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Chelsea and Donny are back - after using ChatGPT, paying off debt, visiting the Rainforest Cafe, and having nightmares about Donny’s mom. The Cute Ones talk about Big Brother 27, the I Know What You Did Last Summer feud, and the rules of UNO. Also, you’re probably intolerable if you talk about Love Island on Threads.

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Summer Blockbuster Series: Soapdish w/ Eric Williams (The Cuties Love Dr. Evil!)

Mon, 14 Jul 2025 04:00:00 -0000

THIS WEEK’S EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

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TGIF 7/11/25: The Cuties Give Unqualified Advice!

Fri, 11 Jul 2025 04:00:00 -0000

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Summer Blockbuster Series: Sucker Punch (The Cuties Learn About Feminism!)

Mon, 07 Jul 2025 04:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 7/4/25: The Cuties Talk About Sinners!

Fri, 04 Jul 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Happy 4th of July!

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The Happening w/ Tom Hamlett (The Cuties Learn Physics!)

Mon, 30 Jun 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Tom Hamlett joins the Cute Ones to recap a movie that leaves you asking “What… is happening?”, The Happening. Besides talking about plants or whatever, Donny admits to lying about… almost everything and Chelsea talks about robots coming for us (yet again). The three also dive into the best dessert to have an affair with. Can’t blame us for wanting to play a science teacher!

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TGIF 6/27/25: The Cuties Blow Their Work Husband!

Fri, 27 Jun 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Well. Chelsea opens this episode with a break down, and Donny graces us with one halfway through the episode, so maybe it's time for a day of rest for the Cute Ones. But before we get there, Chelsea is watching bunnies roll through hay on Netflix and her daughters find love while Donny is watching teenagers relapse in Beverly Hills. Also, if you have a child with a man, watch out for AI, and if you're Florida-bound, watch out for the (female) mosquitos!

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Love & Basketball (The Cuties Think They Can Dance!)

Mon, 23 Jun 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Good for U, Cuties! Chelsea and Donny are back - although Donny’s voice is not - to cover “Love and Basketball” and to uncover Chelsea’s background in sports. The Cute Ones talk about… all kinds of things and nothing at all, as Donny is working off of 4 hours of sleep and Chelsea is working off of 5. If you think the two are normally barely hanging on, wait until you hear this episode.

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TGIF 6/20/25: The Cuties Get Served!

Fri, 20 Jun 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Donny has recovered from a weekend with Chelsea, but have either of them recovered from seeing a community theater production of ? Maybe Chelsea’s next limerick will give the answer. Then, the Cute Ones give some Father’s Day updates from Justin Bieber and Mario Lopez before crowning two of music’s greats as Cutie of the Week.

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What We Do In The Shadows w/ Noor (The Cuties Love Linkin Park!)

Mon, 16 Jun 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Noor may not think she looks cute today, but she's here to watch What We Do In The Shadows (although Donny - famously with no trauma - thinks it's a waste of time). The trio discuss if they think they'd be good vampires, the horrors of self check out cameras, and the sexiest attributes of meth heads. We don't listen and we do judge. Also, an update on seeing Donny through his window.

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TGIF 6/13/25 (w/ Piaget Ventus): The Cuties Start a Group Chat!

Fri, 13 Jun 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Every day is a spirit day at this podcast (and at Coco and Sapphire’s school), and today’s themes are boat wear, celebrity scarves, and iconic guests as Piaget Ventus of Pia Pops Off joins the Cute Ones. The three discuss Ma 2, the Black Power Ranger, the TONY Awards and the Beckham family drama. Also, Sinners is great; who knew?

INTRODUCTION

4:00: chelsea’s bday weekend/all good music festival

5:30 donny’s visit / what do you wear on a boat?????

8:45 the oh, mary! TONYs party / cole escola vs. nicole scherzinger?

11:00 celebrity sightings: robert deniro, bradley cooper, gigi hadid

11:45 donny’s run in with olivia rodrigo

15:45 donny’s sister is having a baby!

16:45 chelsea is added to a group chat

18:50 overcompensating on amazon prime

HEADLINES WITH PIA

24:00 this week’s headlines / MA 2

27:00 the TONYs

33:00 addison rae

34:45 millennial culture

35:55 brooklyn beckham feud w his family

40:30 cutie of the week

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Ferris Bueller's Day Off (The Cuties Get a Nose Job!)

Mon, 09 Jun 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Getting elbowed in the face is not suggested after a nose job, and neither is watching “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” if you don’t like wasting time. The Cute Ones teach you everything you need to know about Bensalem, Pennsylvania before Donny signs up for Harvard classes and Chelsea comes for students with perfect attendance. Also, Jennifer Grey and Matthew Broderick killed someone and Barry Bostwick is not in this movie. #neverforget

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TGIF 6/6/25 (w/ Kendrick Tucker): The Cuties Play Russian Roulette!

Fri, 06 Jun 2025 04:00:00 -0000

What a week, Cuties! Avril Lavigne… or Melissa, flies, home improvement projects, and Harriet Tubman got the Cute Ones through their weeks, but now they’re here with Kendrick to break down the week’s hottest (per them) headlines. The three discuss Patti Lupone’s apology, Paige DeSorbo’s new nightwear, and Julia Stiles trying to fxck her dad. Also, Donny and Chelsea want to go back on Kendrick’s podcast, so give Kendrick 5 stars!

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INTRODUCTION

4:20 Donny’s sobriety update (Day 67)

6:00 Avril Lavigne Concert / Melissa Conspiracy Theory

10:10 Oh, Mary! Celebrity sightings

10:45 Skinnytok (trigger warning: ED)

14:20 Chelsea has electricity in her house!

15:30 LIVE SHOW NEWS!!!!!

HEADLINES W/ KENDRICK TUCKER

19:30 Chelsea & Donny are banned from Kendrick’s show :(

20:40 Love Island

22:00 Blake vs. Justin

23:15 Broadway News: Beetlejuice, Hell’s Kitchen, & the latest with Patti LuPone

29:00 Paige Desorbo/Bravocon/RHOA

34:30 Jonathon Joss

35:00 Cutie of the Week

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Predestination w/ Chelsea's Brother (The Cuties Are Their Own Grandpa!)

Mon, 02 Jun 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Chelchella has arrived, and Donny is in Hell-chella (we're workshopping it). He may have only understood 98% of Predestination, but luckily he has Chelsea's brother to help him through it this episode. What he won't need assistance for is k*lling someone, but it's not legal yet, so we're safe. They also discuss Donny's student film, the logistics of time travel, and what volume level you should listen to your television. But most importantly: the truth about Uncle Perkins is out.

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TGIF 5/30/25: The Cuties Try Out Toxic Positivity!

Fri, 30 May 2025 04:00:00 -0000

It was a week of crash outs for the Cute Ones, but they’re on the other side of it (mostly) and ready to talk about everything else that happened this week: Lilo and Stitch, Pee Wee as Himself, and Netflix’s Sirens. Also, Donny is losing his mind with news of Lea Michele’s return to Broadway and updates about P*tti L*pone’s interview about stage icons Audra McDonald and Kecia Lewis. And also… Tom Cruise ate popcorn.

INTRO:

2:00 donny’s crash out

5:40 chelsea’s new phone / petty b*tch era

9:40 pee wee documentary

13:20 sirens

HEADLINES

18:00 broadway corner: leah michele’s chess revival, patti lupone drama

24:15 tom cruise is a psychopath

29:43 cutie of the week / lilo and stitch controversy

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A Goofy Movie (The Cuties Hate The Beatles!)

Mon, 26 May 2025 04:00:00 -0000

It’s a High Holy Day! Chelsea’s phone is broken, and she’s forced to get a new one. But also, the Cute Ones are watching “A Goofy Movie” (a movie not really about Goofy, but about his son) in honor of its 30th anniversary. Max isn’t dead yet, so the duo cover women who fish, last day of school assemblies, white trash activities, and other worldly monsters. Also, is it okay to find your Dad attractive?

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TGIF 5/23/25: The Cuties Plan a Jail Break!

Fri, 23 May 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Donny is 50 days sober, so emotionally, he's zooting (look it up) himself up in space, while Chelsea is making sure liquor store employees listen to the podcast, forcing people to watch MILF Manor, and making fun of people's speech impediments - to their face. Also, the Cute Ones discuss the Gemini Jail Break and check in on Blake Lively. Cuties, if you love yourself... DO NOT see "Hurry Up Tomorrow."

This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc! Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc. com/CUTE to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

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I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (The Cuties Get Political!)

Mon, 19 May 2025 04:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 5/16/25 (w/ Fixing Famous People): The Cuties Piss Off Chris Franjola!

Fri, 16 May 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Donny and Chelsea waste no time shooting the elephants in the room (and they don’t include breakaway pants), and then Chelsea teaches an etiquette course before Chris DeRosa and Dominick Pupa of “Fixing Famous People” Podcast join them. The quartet discuss the trailer to Ryan Murphy (and Kim Kardashian’s) “All’s Fair,” Sonja Morgan’s dinner, and the logistics of one woman shows. Also - shit has officially been talked about Donny and Chelsea. (All press is good press!)

TIMESTAMPS

INTRO

3:30 donny’s new tattoo

6:00 health update

9:00 donny’s dating adventures, chelsea’s PI business & etiquette lessons

12:30 celebrity sightings

16:00 “forever” tv show

FIXING FAMOUS PEOPLE

19:00 renee rapp/leann rimes check in

21:30 ryan murphy’s “all’s fair”

26:00 sonja morgan’s latest oopsie/chris and dominic’s inside scoop on the housewives

34:00 cuties of the week

38:00 chris franjola talked shit about us?

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What Lies Beneath (The Cuties Summon a Demon!)

Mon, 12 May 2025 04:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 5/9/25: The Cuties Harvest Pumpkins!

Fri, 09 May 2025 04:00:00 -0000

The patriarchy is alive and unwell, and Donny has found a way to survive another week without being cancelled. Meanwhile, Chelsea is singing Katy Perry, learning Spanish, and recovering from a Descendants birthday party. Also recovering are the guests of the Million Lives Conference and anybody who watched Another Simple Favor. And remember, Cuties: wear whatever the f you want!

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While You Were Sleeping w/ Danny Murphy (The Cuties Drink Cough Drop Martinis!)

Mon, 05 May 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Your stockings are hung by the chimney with care, visions of sugarplums danced through your heads; now complete your holiday morning by listening to a recap of everyone's favorite Christmas movie that came out in April, "While You Were Sleeping!" Danny Murphy, the eyes and lips behind ⁠@kashmeredanny⁠, starts the episode by giving Chelsea a recipe for a new holiday cocktail and Donny laments over business models he's too late to cash in on. Also, Chelsea and Danny pop Donny's bubble about which days of the year are safe. Then, Chelsea goes on many rants including - but not limited to - the 90s villainizing the other woman, her children's art, mistletoe, and... this entire movie. Finally, Donny is not a hero.

This episode originally aired 12/25/2022.

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TGIF 5/2/25: The Cuties Scratch Their Balls!

Fri, 02 May 2025 04:00:00 -0000

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White Chicks (The Cuties Get Dutch Ovened!)

Mon, 28 Apr 2025 04:00:00 -0000

The Cute Ones are ending Morally Corrupt Month with White Chicks, the movie that aged the worst out of the bunch (maybe the voters at the MTV Movie Award knew what they were talking about). Roger Ebert may have hated it, but Donny and Chelsea had the time of their lives, with Chelsea being moved to tears and Donny... not getting the main joke. Besides the movie, they weigh in about dutch ovens, GrubHub, diarrhea, and why you have to be problematic when TLC is involved.

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TGIF 4/25/25: The Cuties Have Broken Thumbs & STIs!

Fri, 25 Apr 2025 04:00:00 -0000

This episode is sponsored by Zocdoc! Go to Zocdoc.com/CUTE to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today!

Donny’s got a new doctor… and a new diagnosis. The good news? Chelsea (who is not in a fur vest) saw “Oh, Mary!” and has a retraction from (incorrect) education she spewed a few weeks ago. More good news? The Cute Ones hung out this week, and they visited… a landfill? All in the same week that the Pope passed and Sarah Michelle Gellar signed to return to the big screen! Also, Dr. Bald is hot and will take a picture with you on the street (there’s proof on the Patreon if you don’t believe us)!

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What's Eating Gilbert Grape (The Cuties Manifest a Live Show!)

Mon, 21 Apr 2025 04:00:00 -0000

The Cute Ones are here to answer a very important question this week: what IS eating Gilbert Grape? Donny and Chelsea aren’t sure, but they ARE sure that Arnie knows a secret (and that Donny shouldn’t do his Arnie impression in public). Besides the movie, the two discuss alliteration, vegans’ opinions on bug deaths, Chelsea’s new vocal stem, and their favorite water towers.

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TGIF 4/18/25: The Cuties Do a Book Report!

Fri, 18 Apr 2025 04:00:00 -0000

The Cute Ones discuss the latest book in the Hunger Games universe, Sunrise on the Reaping! Also, should Big Dick Donny get a toupee?

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Titanic VHS 2 w/ Mummy Dearest (The Cuties Goon Until They Die!)

Mon, 14 Apr 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Happy April 14, Cuties! To celebrate (is that the right word?) the 113th anniversary of the Titanic sinking, Donny and Chelsea are pairing up with the chaotic minds of Zach and Sloane, hosts of the Mummy Dearest podcast. The four discuss why cruises are the perfect vacation, why your friends shouldn't do their own thing on group trips, and what they'd do if they had 2.5 hours to live. Also, remember when Lindsay Lohan tried to kidnap children?

This is a crossover event covering Titanic. To listen to coverage from the first VHS, listen to Mummy Dearest!

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TGIF 4/11/25: The Cuties Fight Fruit Flies!

Fri, 11 Apr 2025 04:00:00 -0000

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What Women Want (The Cuties Hate Blue Balls!)

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 04:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 4/4/25: The Cuties Have Their First REAL Fight!

Fri, 04 Apr 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Chelsea had PMS this week and decided to channel her womanly rage into a fight with Donny about Garcelle Beauvais and Lisa Rinna, even though they're aligned on loving one and hating the other. Something else they can agree on: it's Noor's, friend of the pod, fault. The two also compare their weekends, and Donny's was... traumatic, to say the least. Then, they discuss Million Dollar Secret on Netflix, where God's Country is, hating April Fool's Day, and podcast icon, Suni Williams, hating her husband. Also, is it okay to call your friend a warthog?

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Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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Veronica Mars Pilot (The Cuties Want Dax Shepard to Shut Up!)

Mon, 31 Mar 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Donny Appreciation Month has come to an end, and the Cute Ones are Marshmallows, Veronica Mars. That’s right - on this movie podcast, Donny and Chelsea are covering… a television pilot. And also “A Walk to Remember” for about three minutes. The two also compare the relationship with Veronica and her father to the ghastly duo of Lorelai and Rory Gilmore, plan future Halloween costumes, and vent about a “I hate a secret” b*tch.

To access AD FREE versions of our episodes, as well as bonus episodes and uncut audio and video, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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TGIF 3/28/25: The Cuties Refuse to Fill Out a Survey!

Fri, 28 Mar 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Chelsea is hungover from being vulnerable but Donny is NOT hungover from last week (because he knows his body and doesn’t take shots!). In reality TV news, Garcelle has announced her departure from RHOBH and E! Online has announced their (very wrong) lineup of best Housewives. Also, it must be a day that ends in “Y” because fake casting for “The Traitors” is making its way around the internet, and the Cute Ones are livid. If you’re excited for Donny’s birthday, please fill out the survey!

See E's ranking of Real Housewives HERE!

To access AD FREE versions of our episodes, as well as bonus episodes and uncut audio and video, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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Moulin Rouge (The Cuties Die of Consumption!)

Mon, 24 Mar 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Is Moulin Rouge, the movie about dying in a brothel, appropriate for children? The Cute Ones figure it out! They also get to the bottom of what it’s like being buried in a Pringles can and who comes up with ideas for strip routines. Then, Chelsea and Lil’ Herpes discuss consumption. A lot.

To get access to BIG BROTHER EXPRESS on March 19 at 9pm est, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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TGIF 3/21/25: The Cuties Are NOT Cats!

Fri, 21 Mar 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Chelsea is looking great on her new computer, and her mental health is refreshed after her meeting with @LilMissPetPsychic and her dog/bear, and Donny is refreshed after getting a full body massage from a Boxers bartender and being stuck in an elementary classroom for an hour. They also discuss THEE episode of 9-1-1 (Give Jennifer Love Hewitt an Emmy!), Donny’s voice notes during surprise bowel movements, and George Bush (allegedly) used to put tampons up his butt to pretend to be a cat.

To access AD FREE versions of our episodes, as well as bonus episodes and uncut audio and video, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

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Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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Country Strong w/ Kelli Williams of Beyond the Blinds (The Cuties Cheat in Math Class!)

Mon, 17 Mar 2025 04:00:00 -0000

We got married in a fever, Cuties, and we did so with Kelli Williams (@laguna_biotch) of Beyond the Blinds by covering the (non) Oscar-sweeping Leighton Meester film, Country Strong. While not the darkest movie the Cute Ones have ever covered, the trio do go to low places (much like Leighton’s friends in this movie!) They also discuss the magic of Gwyneth, Donny’s dreams of a lavender wedding, and Chelsea’s kin being Snow White for the dead. When you’re finished listening to this episode, stream Nashville!

To get access to BIG BROTHER EXPRESS on March 19 at 9pm est, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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TGIF 3/14/25: The Cuties LOVE Tom Sandoval!

Fri, 14 Mar 2025 04:00:00 -0000

Buckle up, Cuties, because you’re about to be hit with a lot of information today - mostly about this season of The Traitors, but also about the birthdays in Donny’s family. Also this week, Chelsea saw The Substance, Donny saw Redwood on Broadway, and Southwest Airlines got rid of their checked bags. (The Legally Blonde prequel was not announced this week.) If you’re excited, feel free to shit yourself. Donny did.

To get access to BIG BROTHER EXPRESS on March 19 at 9pm est, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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Mommie Dearest w/ Quin Lamar (The Cuties Monetize Divorce!)

Mon, 10 Mar 2025 04:00:00 -0000

The episode you’ve been waiting for is finally here, Cuties! Ex-husband to the stars, Joan Crawford stan, and co-host of The Official Marvel Podcast, Quin Lamar (@thequinlamar), is BACK and ready to give every detail… about Joan Crawford and the cult classic, Mommie Dearest. Besides being their most educational episode, the Cuties also get into their mommy (and daddy) issues, Donny’s dreams of cleaning celebrity toilets, and which celebrities haven’t talked about Joan Crawford to the press. Stay tuned for “The Divorce Podcast” coming soon. Also coming soon: Chelsea’s doctor appointment to take care of her little hair ball.

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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TGIF 3/7/25: The Cuties Are in the Vortex!

Fri, 07 Mar 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Donny is trying to get his IBS under control as Chelsea takes care of baby finches this week. Besides that, they tear apart the horrible Powerpuff Girls leaked trailer, get giddy over Broadway news, and vent about Armie Hammer being a terrible person. Also, the Cute Ones prepare their cosplay for BravoCon (they’ll never be attending - unless they’re asked, of course). WICKED FOREVER (since the Oscars won’t say it).

This week’s episode is sponsored by Green Chef. Go to greenchef.com/cuteonefree and use code cuteonefree to get started with FREE SALADS for two months plus 50% off your first box.

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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Closer w/ Noor from the Reality is Podcast (The Cuties Have Sensory Issues!)

Mon, 03 Mar 2025 08:00:00 -0000

It’s Donny Appreciation Month (for 5 weeks) and while Donny’s self esteem refuses to come down, Noor joins the Cute Ones this week to try her best to take him down a few pegs. While there, the trio recap one of Donny's favorite 2004 films, “Closer,” a wonderful film about terrible people. They discuss how the ER brings people together, the meanest thing you can say to someone, and which TV theme song is the best to strip to!

This week’s episode is sponsored by Green Chef. Go to greenchef.com/cuteonefree and use code cuteonefree to get started with FREE SALADS for two months plus 50% off your first box.

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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TGIF 2/28/25: The Cuties Deep Dive Reality TV w/ Phillip Solomon!

Fri, 28 Feb 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Chelsea is logged on for the whole recording this week, so Donny finally gets to discuss the rental house he found for his 40th birthday weekend: a castle with an escape room in the walls. And Chelsea gets to discuss a one woman TikTok telenovela and which homeroom she’d be in. Then, Phillip Solomon (@psolomon12) of “Deal or No Deal Island” join the Cute Ones to discuss his time on the show and how teaching middle school prepared him for reality TV drama. The three also discuss Karen Huger’s sentencing and the hate for Danielle Reyes on “The Traitors.” Also… major updates about the Duolingo Owl!

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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The Roommate (The Cuties Bamboozle Carnies!)

Mon, 24 Feb 2025 05:00:00 -0000

WE JUST WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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TGIF 2/21/25 (w/ Hannah Solow): The Cuties Are Sick of Domingo!

Fri, 21 Feb 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Chelsea is off her death bed, but her computer… is not. (Subscribe to our Patreon!) So while her parents learn how to live together and Chelsea figures out how to record this episode, Donny is working on breathing through his nose and trying to find a theme restaurant for his birthday celebration. Upon her return, Donny and Chelsea are joined by “Oh Mary” understudy, Hannah Solow (@babymcgoo). The three discuss the little angler fish that could, SNL’s 50th anniversary, and being lost at sea (beware of the tides!) Lorne Michaels, if you’re listening - Hannah has your next great host!

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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Misery (The Cuties Smoke Marlboro Reds!)

Mon, 17 Feb 2025 17:00:00 -0000

Bunny Boiler Month cock-a-doodly continues, with the Cute Ones breaking down Stephen King’s “Misery.” While doing so, they discuss which celebrities they’d chain to a bed, pigs as pets, Donny’s phantom limb syndrome from a past life, and Chelsea’s smoking past from… this life (ew).

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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TGIF 2/14/25: The Cuties Get the Flu!

Fri, 14 Feb 2025 05:00:00 -0000

The Cute Ones Are sick this week, so Donny is celebrating Valentine’s Day solo! With the floor fully his, he discusses his next five tattoos, the death of the Duo Lingo owl, TWO Broadway shows, the Harlem series finale, and sleeping on the floor! Also, Chelsea may be gone, but she’s never forgotten, so her most current rabbit holes are discussed.

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days (Re-Release)

Mon, 10 Feb 2025 21:26:00 -0000

Donny and Chelsea (who are pros at terrorizing someone for days at a time) are joined by Janine (@retr0avocado) to recap the highly unhinged "How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days." Well - she thought. Instead, she is filled with horror as Donny and Chelsea tell tale after tale of bad dates, movie theater etiquette, and chasing away boys with wild behavior. But somehow, they don't scare Janine away and the three are able to bond over their love of 2000s' magazines and Livejournals.

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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TGIF 2/7/25 (w/ Madison Sinclair): The Cuties Write a Diss Track!

Fri, 07 Feb 2025 05:00:00 -0000

The prank war continues in Chelsea's household as Donny can't wait to talk to his therapist about his Hinge dates (HE LOVES HINGE - Oprah voice). And then, owner of thebummershop.com (@thebummershop), Madison Sinclair, joins the Cute Ones to discuss the Grammys and five year old news stories about bisexual representation in the bird community. And Alexander *******, if you're listening to this episode, turn it off now. You won't want to hear this diss track.

This week’s episode is sponsored by Green Chef. Thrive all year with clean, easy meals from Green Chef. Go to GreenChef.com/cuteonefree and use code CUTEONEFREE to get started with FREE salads, for two months plus 50% off your first box!

Cuties, we wanted to list some LGBTQ+ mental health resources. We love you.

Trans Lifeline - 877.565.8860 translifeline.org

The Trevor Project - 1.866.488.7386, thetrevorproject.org

LGBT National Help Center - 888.843.4564, llgbthotline.com

Crisis Text Line - text “HOME” to 741-741, crisistextline.org

Call BlackLine - 1.800.604.5841, callblackline.com

DeQH Helpline - 908.367.3374, deqh.org

LGBTQ+ Center Directory - lgbtqcenters.org/LGBTCenters

Suzette Veneti, Madison's Cutie of the Week, can be found HERE!

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Obsessed (The Cuties Love Carly Rae Jepsen!)

Mon, 03 Feb 2025 17:00:00 -0000

It’s Bunny Boiler Month! To kick to kick it off, Donny and Chelsea are discussing 2009’s erotic thriller, “Obsessed.” They discuss Grammy winner, Beyonce’s… acting, as well as pussies barking, Donny’s self awareness of his sad and pathetic attempts to pick up men, harassment training, and being lucky. Also, will Chelsea be an insufferable twat or problematic with Rob Schneider this week? Listen to find out!

Cuties, we wanted to list some LGBTQ+ mental health resources. We love you.

Trans Lifeline - 877.565.8860 translifeline.org

The Trevor Project - 1.866.488.7386, thetrevorproject.org

LGBT National Help Center - 888.843.4564, llgbthotline.com

Crisis Text Line - text “HOME” to 741-741, crisistextline.org

Call BlackLine - 1.800.604.5841, callblackline.com

DeQH Helpline - 908.367.3374, deqh.org

LGBTQ+ Center Directory - lgbtqcenters.org/LGBTCenters

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TGIF 1/31/25: The Cuties Sob in Public!

Fri, 31 Jan 2025 05:00:00 -0000

The Cute Ones were not at a place of LOL this week, but they tried their best to giggle their way through their weeks (including vet visits, communion, and as always - Big Brother Express). They do their best (or worst) Christopher Walken impressions and discuss old people technology, the night shifts of Epcot Center employees, and magazine covers. Also, if Chelsea's week wasn't bad enough - she found her grandparents' porn music.

Cuties, we wanted to list some LGBTQ+ mental health resources. We love you.

Trans Lifeline - 877.565.8860 translifeline.org

The Trevor Project - 1.866.488.7386, thetrevorproject.org

LGBT National Help Center - 888.843.4564, llgbthotline.com

Crisis Text Line - text “HOME” to 741-741, crisistextline.org

Call BlackLine - 1.800.604.5841, callblackline.com

DeQH Helpline - 908.367.3374, deqh.org

LGBTQ+ Center Directory - lgbtqcenters.org/LGBTCenters

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The One I Love (The Cuties Pronounce Words!)

Mon, 27 Jan 2025 17:00:00 -0000

Roger Ebert is dead, and the Cute Ones do their best to apply for his job. But Donny doesn’t need Rog’s job to talk poorly about this week’s movie, “The One I Love” (Don’t worry - he hasn’t heard of it, either.) Along the way, they discuss Chelsea’s ability to be the final girl, guest books in vacation homes, cuckolding, and ugly people on OKCupid. How’s that for predictabilality?

Cuties, we wanted to list some LGBTQ+ mental health resources. We love you.

Trans Lifeline - 877.565.8860 translifeline.org

The Trevor Project - 1.866.488.7386, thetrevorproject.org

LGBT National Help Center - 888.843.4564, llgbthotline.com

Crisis Text Line - text “HOME” to 741-741, crisistextline.org

Call BlackLine - 1.800.604.5841, callblackline.com

DeQH Helpline - 908.367.3374, deqh.org

LGBTQ+ Center Directory - lgbtqcenters.org/LGBTCenters

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TGIF 1/24/25: The Cuties Fight About Kyle Richards!

Fri, 24 Jan 2025 05:00:00 -0000

“I Am The Cute One” may not be a fully safe space, but it’s safe for like-minded individuals, so come escape with these two humble Cute Ones as they discuss Chelsea’s flu treatment, Donny’s future tattoo and his sister’s big news… and Travis Kelce’s involvement. They also dabble in Onyx Storm, TikTokers confessing their biggest secrets, and movies that Donny’s been watching. Kiernan Shipka Hive for Life!

Cuties, we wanted to list some LGBTQ+ mental health resources. We love you.

Trans Lifeline - 877.565.8860 translifeline.org

The Trevor Project - 1.866.488.7386, thetrevorproject.org

LGBT National Help Center - 888.843.4564, llgbthotline.com

Crisis Text Line - text “HOME” to 741-741, crisistextline.org

Call BlackLine - 1.800.604.5841, callblackline.com

DeQH Helpline - 908.367.3374, deqh.org

LGBTQ+ Center Directory - lgbtqcenters.org/LGBTCenters

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Phone Booth (The Cuties Tape Their Mouths Shut!)

Mon, 20 Jan 2025 17:00:00 -0000

Walk in a zig zag pattern, Cuties! Chelsea’s daughters may not be watching “The Fox and the Hound,” but at least the Cute Ones are not covering a movie they’ve already covered (…yet. It’s bound to happen. Brace yourself for the day.) This week, they’re watching “Phonebooth,” the blue-tinted “Se7en” ripoff that asks the question, “If you could punish anyone in the world for their sins, why would it be a man who cheats on his wife in his head?”

Our hearts are with our LA Cuties. If you’d like to help (or need help), here are some resources that speak to us:

Donations for Los Angeles Fire Department

Mutual Aid and Displacement Resources for People in Evacuation Zones

Donations for Animals Injured and Displaced

Free AirBNB Support for Those Affected

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TGIF 1/17/25: The Cuties Use Toenail Clippers!

Fri, 17 Jan 2025 05:00:00 -0000

https://www.discoverwildlife.com/animal-facts/fish/fish-doorbell

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Wedding Planner (The Cuties Identify Their Core Values!)

Mon, 13 Jan 2025 17:00:00 -0000

This week, Donny and Chelsea reminisce about childhood cults, the shining star that is Bridgette Wilson, and prank wars; as well as cover a “nothing movie” that is made just for them - “The Wedding Planner.” In doing so, Chelsea signs up to be Donny’s Cyrano and he looks for NYC extracurricular activities. Cuties, did you know that Roger Ebert went on a date with Oprah?

Our hearts are with our LA Cuties. If you’d like to help (or need help), here are some resources that speak to us:

Donations for Los Angeles Fire Department

Mutual Aid and Displacement Resources for People in Evacuation Zones

Donations for Animals Injured and Displaced

Free AirBNB Support for Those Affected

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TGIF 1/10/25: The Cuties Use the C Word!

Fri, 10 Jan 2025 05:00:00 -0000

Donny and Chelsea’s break from each other is finally over as their first TGIF of the year has arrived! And to celebrate, the Cute Ones are wearing their podcast finest: Khloe Kardashian onesies and Delish Dish cosplay. Besides discussing Wicked (as always), they rant about Paige and Craig’s breakup and the Golden Globes. Also, Chelsea has a new favorite movie of 2025 (2014, actually) and Donny has a career plan for Leighton Meester.

Our hearts are with our LA Cuties. If you’d like to help (or need help), here are some resources that speak to us:

Donations for Los Angeles Fire Department

Mutual Aid and Displacement Resources for People in Evacuation Zones

Donations for Animals Injured and Displaced

Free AirBNB Support for Those Affected

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!

TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Just Friends (The Cuties Shop at Temu!)

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 17:00:00 -0000

What better day to celebrate a man feeling entitled to something than January 6? Enter Chelsea and Donny to cover the Ryan Reynolds holiday flop, “Just Friends.” While the Cute Ones disagree on who the biggest loser in the movie is, they agree on the importance of gatekeeping for no reason, setting their microwaves on fire, and what content a they’ll create if Donny has MS. Also, Chelsea goes on a feminist rant about the friend zone and Donny goes on one about pancakes. Men, go to therapy! We beg of you!

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Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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TGIF 1/3/25: The Cuties' Choice Awards Part 2!

Fri, 03 Jan 2025 05:00:00 -0000

The Cute Ones are back for part 2 of the Cutie’s Choice Awards, which includes the Patreon-selected “Cutie of the Year!”

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Chelsea: @ohnochels

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S*x and the City

Mon, 30 Dec 2024 15:03:00 -0000

Before there was Liza Minnelli singing “Single Ladies,” before there was Che Diaz; there was the most perfect ending to “Sex and the City.” Listen to Donny and Chelsea cover the film that should have been the last time we saw our girls - but only on Patreon! That’s right, Cuties - for the first time ever, the Cute Ones are dropping a Patreon exclusive movie recap. They figured instead of hitting everyone with a re-release while they take the week between Christmas and New Year’s off, they’d let Patreon Cuties listen to an unedited, unhinged “Sex and the City” episode! But don’t worry - they’ll be back here next week to cover the Cutie-voted New Year’s movie!

Listen to today’s Patreon-exclusive episode HERE!

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Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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TGIF 12/27/24: The Cuties' Choice Awards Part 1!

Fri, 27 Dec 2024 17:00:00 -0000

The Cute Ones are here to wrap up 2024 by covering their favorites of the year, including movies, songs, TV shows, best worst haircut; and because it IS Chelsea and Donny we’re talking about… their favorite moments about them, such as “Best Vocal Stims” and “Best Unearthed Donny Lore.” And to end Part I of the Cutie’s Choice Awards, the duo award their Top 5 Hots and Nots.

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Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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4 Christmases (The Cuties Grind Their Gears with Peter Griffin!)

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 17:00:00 -0000

While Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon couldn’t stand each other while filming “Four Christmases,” Donny and Chelsea have never got along more than while talking about. Besides the movie, the Cute Ones discuss roleplay, safe words, picking up women (poorly), and their biggest pet peeves. Also, buckle up, Cuties, because Chelsea’s past with the NAACP is brought up.

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Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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TGIF 12/20/24: The Cuties Stick it in a Vacuum!

Fri, 20 Dec 2024 05:00:00 -0000

Donny’s nose may be bleeding through his tears while Chelsea’s face changes colors, but this week, they’re keeping things light. So they won’t be talking about the drones. But they WILL be talking about Butch and Suni still stuck in space. They’ll also be talking about sticking ding-a-lings in vacuums and/or bags of Vaseline. Other topics include music festival diapers, vegan strip clubs, 70 year old birds, and winter dating trends (that do NOT consist of being penetrated by a carrot, unfortunately).

This episode is sponsored by Ro - Go to Ro.co/CuteOne

Memberships start at just $99 for your first month. Medication costs are separate.

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Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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The Muppet Christmas Carol w/ Tom Hamlett (The Cuties Are Effusive!)

Mon, 16 Dec 2024 05:00:00 -0000

Bah Hambug! The Cute Ones are bringing Big Muppet Energy as Tom Hamlett (Dumpster Dive, Good Judys) joins them to cover “The Muppets’ Christmas Carol,” as well as fighting over dictionary entries. Then. the three discuss which Muppet would is most f*ckable, how to tell a theater talker to shut up, and Donny educates Chelsea on the deleted ballad, “When Love Is Gone.” Would you eat fruit if it had a personality?

This episode is sponsored by Ro - Go to Ro.co/CuteOne

Memberships start at just $99 for your first month. Medication costs are separate.

For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!

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Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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TGIF 12/13/24: The Cuties Dabble in 911!

Fri, 13 Dec 2024 05:00:00 -0000

Donny and the horse he rode in on are on day five of ordering bagel sandwiches while Chelsea is out of medicine and calling strangers hillbilly b*tches. Together, they’re contemplating being MAGA because of Mariah Carey’s (the Queen of the holiday) Christmas tunes. All that and more (including the most seductive Disney characters, 9-1-1 on ABC, Golden Globe nominees, and the name on everybody’s lips: Luigi Mangione) in this week’s TGIF!

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TikTok: @cuteonepodcast

Chelsea: @ohnochels

Donny: @realdonnywood

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The Nightmare Before Christmas (The Cuties Deep Throat Chicken Bones!)

Mon, 09 Dec 2024 17:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 12/6/24: The Cuties Show Their Eyeballs!

Fri, 06 Dec 2024 05:00:00 -0000

Chelsea doesn’t have contacts, so she’s rawdogging her eyeballs this week! (See them for yourself on Patreon and Youtube!) But the only thing Donny is rawdogging is the phrase “Mind your own business,” and he’s doing it OFTEN. And in a week that Ariana Grande and Drew Barrymore teamed up to melt down together, the Cute Ones decide to watch Netflix Christmas movies, “Hot Frosty” and “Our Little Secret.” (They couldn’t help mentioning “Merry Gentlemen” for the perverts out there, too!) And - in a shock to nobody - Donny played Big Brother Express AGAIN (which is kind of like “Is It Cake?”, apparently).

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Elf (The Cuties Pee Their Pants! Constantly!)

Mon, 02 Dec 2024 17:00:00 -0000

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TGIF 11/29/24: The Cuties Celebrate 200 Episodes!

Fri, 29 Nov 2024 05:00:00 -0000

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Chelsea: @ohnochels

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The Wizard of Oz w/ Noor from The Reality Is Podcast (The Cuties Learn about Reaganomics!)

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 14:00:00 -0000

For this shockingly political (surprise! Three weeks in a row!) episode, Noor from “The Reality Is” podcast joins the Cute Ones to cover bad dog owners, recession core, and because this IS Wicked Week, “The Wizard of Oz.” Chelsea has a slew of behind the scenes facts, but fear not - they also brainstorm which Real Housewives would play who in this movie, and although it’s Noor’s first time watching, she has a keen eye on many conspiracies. Then, as always, Donny explains which fictional felines he’s attracted to.

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TGIF 11/22/24: Wicked Premiere, Aliens in the Ocean, & Getting Nasty in Nashville!

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 05:00:00 -0000

Black Friday may be one week away, but today… Wicked week has begun! To celebrate, Chelsea has transformed her home into Studio 54 and Donny turned a Nashville castle into the Big Brother studio. Also, Meg thee Stallion may be afraid of aliens in the ocean, but she’s not alone once Chelsea educates Donny on the earthquake fish. (If you, too, are scared, may we interest you in a $1.00 home in Italy?) Update: Cynthia Erivo can wipe her own butt, but Donny still can’t.

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Chelsea: @ohnochels

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Pleasantville (The Cuties Ask Where's My Dinner????)

Mon, 18 Nov 2024 17:00:00 -0000

Chelsea is lucky the Cute Ones are back in the ‘50s this week because Donny is unable to use swear words when he curses her out this week. Because - as luck would have it - Chelsea ignored him yet again and he turned out to be absolutely right. As the two watch Pleasantville, they debate about the best Spiderman, hypothesize what they’d do with magical powers, and wondering what slurs the Pleasantville residents say. Also - does being invited to every party make you a popular girl? (Not if you’re Melissa Joan Hart).

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Chelsea: @ohnochels

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TGIF 11/15/24: People's Sexiest Man Alive FLOP, Barbie's Wicked Oopsie & Drinking a Few Sips of H20!

Fri, 15 Nov 2024 05:00:00 -0000

It's Friday, Cuties. And this week Chelsea and Donny cover a LOT of ground....and yet, nothing at all. Listen closely and you just might hear a baby ghost. Fun!

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Chelsea: @ohnochels

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Charlie's Angels (The Cuties Are Off to the Races!)

Mon, 11 Nov 2024 17:00:00 -0000

Good morning, Angels! The Cute Ones are off to the races this week as they watch the quintessential Charlie’s Angels, the Lucy Liu, my girl Drew, and Cameron D film (you may remember it if you were in a hotel with Chelsea on molly after a music festival). The movie gets the duo talking about John Wayne, The Girls Next Door, Donny’s hot UPS man, the Wicked Shiz University student IDs, and dance circle competitions. Also, a deep dive of early 2000’s fashion is held.

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Chelsea: @ohnochels

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TGIF 11/8/24: A Much Needed Post Election Hehe Haha Kiki

Fri, 08 Nov 2024 05:00:00 -0000

TGIF, Cuties. Donny and Chelsea's morals are great this week - nor is their morale - so instead of covering this week's hot topics, they're giggling their way through Cutie-submitted questions.

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Dick w/ Ryan Bailey (The Cuties Take a Mental Health Break!)

Mon, 04 Nov 2024 17:00:00 -0000

It's election week and... things aren't going well in Chelsea and Donny's brains.

The Cuties are not letting Dick run their life, but they are letting Ryan Bailey (someone who likes to eat ass on camera) celebrate the 50th Anniversary of Watergate with them by recapping the 1999 Kirsten Dunst/Michelle Williams movie, "Dick." Ryan spends the episode trying to figure out who the target audience was for this movie while Chelsea spends the episode giving history lessons. Then, Ryan shares a story about his worst date and Donny educates them on the early 2000s gay porn, "The Hole." Also - were Pepe and a pimp involved in Watergate?

To hear (or watch) this recap in its unedited, unhinged entirety, head to our newly launched Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/iamthecuteone

(This episode originally aired in July of 2022!)

I Am The Cute One

TGIF 4/24/26: The Cuties Eat Butt!

TGIF 4/17/26: The Cuties Make a Pixar Movie!

TGIF 4/10/26: The Cuties Love Athletic Nuns!

The Cuties Give an Important Update!

TGIF 4/3/26: The Cuties Talk About Amanda & West!

Chloe (The Cuties Talk Shit About #BoyMoms!)

TGIF 3/27/26: The Cuties Survived BB40!

Ben and Me (The Cuties Don't Have Syphilis!)

TGIF 3/20/26: The Cuties Celebrate Donny's Birthday!

The Skeleton Key (The Cuties Won't Go in Hot Topic!)

TGIF 3/13/26: The Cuties Don't Understand Meth Labs!

Swimfan (The Cuties Start a Cult!)

TGIF 3/6/26: The Cuties Think Scream 7 Was Good!

My Date with the President's Daughter (The Cuties Think One of the Lawrence Brothers is Ugly!)

TGIF 2/27/26: The Cuties Text the Wrong Person!

Brokeback Mountain (The Cuties Hate Soup!)

TGIF 2/20/26: The Cuties Fight with Ticketmaster!

A Walk to Remember (The Cuties Have Flesh Colored Lips!)

TGIF 2/13/26: The Cuties Rob a Bank and You'll Never Believe Why!

Stand By Me (The Cuties Learn a New Slur!)

TGIF 1/6/26: The Cuties Subtweet Their Friends!

The Bridge to Terabithia (The Cuties Are the First Toymakers to the King!)

TGIF 1/30/26: The Cuties Play Where's Waldo!

Hope Floats: The Cuties Brainstorm the Best Ways to Beat Up 8 Year Olds!

TGIF 1/23/26: The Cuties Stand with Posh Spice!

Annie (The Cuties Sleep on Decorative Pillows!)

TGIF 1/16/26: The Cuties Strike it Rich with Oil, Gold, and Fracking!

Jumanji (The Cuties Alienate Several Fanbases!)

TGIF 1/9/26: The Cuties Get Bullied by Ashley Tisdale's Mom Group!

New Year, Same Us! (The Cuties Get Sober!)

TGIF 1/2/26: The Cuties' Choice Awards Part 2!

I'll Be Home for Christmas (The Cuties Read e.e. cummings!)

TGIF 12/26/25: The Cuties' Choice Awards Part 1!

Home For The Holidays (The Cuties Look like the Cynthia Doll!)

TGIF 12/19/25: The Cuties Stop Edging and J*zz All Over the Place!

Edward Scissorhands (The Cuties Play Knock Knock Zoom Zoom!)

TGIF 12/12/25: The Cuties Do a Hard Launch!

Krampus (The Cuties Love Melanie Lynskey!)

TGIF 12/5/25: The Cuties are NOT Role Models!

The Holiday w/ Ryan Sichelstiel (The Cuties Love Foreplay!)

TGIF 11/28/25: The Cuties Smoke the Devil's Lettuce with Bob the Drag Queen!

Life-Size (The Cuties Keep Picking Up the Field Mice and Bopping Them on the Head!)

TGIF 11/21/25: The Cuties Speak Labubu!

The First Wives Club w/ @Lucyontheground (The Cuties Eat Tuna Fish!)

TGIF 11/14/25: The Cuties Decorate for Christmas!

Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit (The Cuties C-U-P!)

TGIF 11/7/25: The Cuties Howl at the Moon!

The Running Man (The Cuties Use a BowFlex Machine!)

TGIF 10/31/25: The Cuties Saw You From Across the Bar and Like Your Vibe!

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (The Cuties Love a Transatlantic Accent!)

TGIF 10/24/25: The Cuties are Terrorized by Smoke Alarms!

Desperate Housewives (The Cuties Drop a Surprise Bonus Episode!)

Casper (The Cuties Join the Root Beer Float Club!)

TGIF 10/17/25: The Cuties Look Like They're in Their Forties!

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (The Cuties Give Josh Hartnett a Better Name!)

TGIF 10/10/25: The Cuties Go To Mall World!

Innocent Blood (The Cuties Celebrate Laura Bush!)

TGIF 10/3/25: The Cuties Live Like a Showgirl!

B*A*P*S (The Cuties Want to Know Which Celebrity You've Been Told You Look Like!)

TGIF 9/26/25: The Cuties Get Raptured!

SE7EN (The Cuties Get into Journaling!)

TGIF 9/19/25: The Cuties Know What You Did Last Summer

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (The Cuties Shart on Nancy Kerrigan!)

TGIF 9/12/25: The Cuties Are Stinky Cheese Men!

Now and Then (The Cuties Take a Stand Against Ice Cream Trucks!)

TGIF 9/5/25: The Cuties Root for Cardi B!

Beethoven's 2nd (The Cuties Are SO BACK!)

TGIF 8/29/25: The Cuties Go to Burning Man!

Summer Blockbuster Series: Spice World w/ Hannah Aaron Brown (The Cuties Throw an Alien Party!)

TGIF 8/22/25: The Cuties Hire Emotional Support Twinks!

Summer Blockbuster Series: American Pie w/ Emily Hanks (The Cuties Hate Ice!)

TGIF 8/15/25: The Cuties Pick a Fight on the Internet!

Summer Blockbuster Series: Deep Impact w/ Noor of The Reality Is (The Cuties Eat a Sandwich on the Titanic!)

TGIF 8/8/25: The Cuties Tumble Off Their High Horse!

Summer Blockbuster Series: The Royal Tenenbaums (The Cuties Get Cuckholded!)

TGIF 8/1/25: The Cuties Dip Baby Toes in Soy Sauce!

Summer Blockbuster Series: In Time (The Cuties Fix Capitalism!)

TGIF 7/25/25: The Cuties Bite Their HR Rep!

Summer Blockbuster Series: R.L. Stine's One Day at HorrorLand (The Cuties Feel Special Feelings on the Pirate Ship!)

BAP*S (The Cuties Want to Know Which Celebrity You've Been Told You Look Like!)